(no subject)
i hate california.
i really do.
if it weren't for my family and close friends i would never come back.
the sky has a neverending tinge of brown to it because of the pollution.
and it's the end of december
and almost eighty degrees out.
i miss my snow and mountains.
-
scout is dead.
i was in an accident on i-70 on my way here
and had to leave her at a salvage yard in glenwood springs.
i don't think i could feel crappier right now.
i'm ok physically.
there's just a lot going on in my head.
so many people were not ok with me driving to california
saying they were worried and stuff
but when i asked the people i am closest to if they thought i was being stubborn
if they thought this would come back and make an ass out of me
they all thought it'd be ok.
but now i'm not ok. well i am, but i no longer have a car.
and i feel like an ass.
and i know they don't mean to but the people that were worried are making me feel so little
they all say they're just happy i'm ok.
but they all have this "i knew it" feel to them
and, again, i feel like an ass.
then of course i go through it a hundred times a day wondering what i could have done differently.
surrounded by what ifs and could haves and should haves.
my mom said i should have just flown.
and all i could think of was that it's easy for her to tell me to spend three hundred and fifty doallars of my own money
and then shake her finger at me when i choose to spend under two hundred and drive instead.
and of course she throws out the "fact" that she would have paid me back
but i can honestly say i do not think she has ever paid me back for something i've put on my card.
but my family doesn't know that.
so they come at me with "why didn't you just fly?"'s
and i am, once again, made an ass.
i guess i just feel like everyone was telling me i couldn't do this.
and i proved them right.
and it feels like shiiiiit.
i am in california because i flew out this morning.
after staying in glenwood springs the night of the accident
and taking a bus into town yesterday.
in order to fly today.
i am going to try and take nikki marie's advice.
and "stay stafe and try [my] hardest to enjoy [my] christmas.
sorry for being a "grinch"
i really am grateful i'm ok.
i just wish my car was too.
as silly and stupid as that is.
love, sasha.
i really do.
if it weren't for my family and close friends i would never come back.
the sky has a neverending tinge of brown to it because of the pollution.
and it's the end of december
and almost eighty degrees out.
i miss my snow and mountains.
-
scout is dead.
i was in an accident on i-70 on my way here
and had to leave her at a salvage yard in glenwood springs.
i don't think i could feel crappier right now.
i'm ok physically.
there's just a lot going on in my head.
so many people were not ok with me driving to california
saying they were worried and stuff
but when i asked the people i am closest to if they thought i was being stubborn
if they thought this would come back and make an ass out of me
they all thought it'd be ok.
but now i'm not ok. well i am, but i no longer have a car.
and i feel like an ass.
and i know they don't mean to but the people that were worried are making me feel so little
they all say they're just happy i'm ok.
but they all have this "i knew it" feel to them
and, again, i feel like an ass.
then of course i go through it a hundred times a day wondering what i could have done differently.
surrounded by what ifs and could haves and should haves.
my mom said i should have just flown.
and all i could think of was that it's easy for her to tell me to spend three hundred and fifty doallars of my own money
and then shake her finger at me when i choose to spend under two hundred and drive instead.
and of course she throws out the "fact" that she would have paid me back
but i can honestly say i do not think she has ever paid me back for something i've put on my card.
but my family doesn't know that.
so they come at me with "why didn't you just fly?"'s
and i am, once again, made an ass.
i guess i just feel like everyone was telling me i couldn't do this.
and i proved them right.
and it feels like shiiiiit.
i am in california because i flew out this morning.
after staying in glenwood springs the night of the accident
and taking a bus into town yesterday.
in order to fly today.
i am going to try and take nikki marie's advice.
and "stay stafe and try [my] hardest to enjoy [my] christmas.
sorry for being a "grinch"
i really am grateful i'm ok.
i just wish my car was too.
as silly and stupid as that is.
love, sasha.