(no subject)

[loveyou9times]

so regretful, that i actually allowed the genuinity of my smile to fail.. that i agreed to spread one upon my face in hopes that it would again be genuine.. that i could convince myself that it was. i want it all back so bad... i look at the pictures.. the three of us.. nothing could stop us. we had it all.. fucking all! i could surf during the day.. if there was no surf, chui and i would hit up the beach and see things we could never have seen if we weren't so fucking crazy lilke sharks on south beah while we were swimming out like 150 yds.. for miles.. or practically dying out on the waves at the end of the pier b/c we were crazye enough to go out during a flipping hurricane..running wildly through the grove, in the middle of the pouring rain.. BLARING our june spirit and whatever else music.. driving through a monsoon.. all the way to the beacha nd throwing ourselves into the ocean.. living life by the moment and letting it all just take us away with it..i wanna go where i can shine again.. back to my youth... real life sucks.. and though it hasnt really started yet for me.. i plan to do whatever i can from ever allowing it.. because for some reason man has this crazy belief that they must live life just going through the works in order to hopefully one daya chieve happiness.. to earn it.. well fuck that.. im on this earth for only a little while.. and i dont think one day should have to go by... not one fucking moment.. that im not enjoying myelf 100%.. and u know... my life is pretty damn good.. but iknow it can be so much better.. and from now on i fully intend on doing whatever i can to make it that way.. whether it takes us being on the phone every night.. crying.. tears rolling down my face.. ill live with it.. b/c it just shows me all the more.. how close we really are.. what true friendship really is.. and the good things of this life.. the genuine things... what it was all meant to be like..
oh won't you come with me?i never want to go back...