(no subject)
For the past four months ive always had this tiny thought in the back of my mind thats like "wow things like this dont happen to me." and i would always deep down doubt my relationship, thinking that i dont meet guys who are this hot, or laid back, or so into me. My life, while fulfilling in other aspects, had never been filled with so much happiness.
and just when i got comfortable with things, they ended. More than missing him, I miss feeling safe and happy and content. he kept me grounded. he's never going to laugh when i call him buster, or call me his babe, or kiss me again.
today a boy in one of my classes was talking to me a lot and he asked me to go outside and smoke with him, and i did, and i got the guilty "dont flirt with this guy" kind of feeling in my stomach, just out of habit. and then i wanted to throw up because i realized i dont have those worries anymore. because -
I'm alone.
And i know - things will get better, ill laugh again. but right now i cant even get out of bed or not cry at least 5 times a day. and its hard.