(no subject)
I remember my first love. My college sweetheart, star of the football team, Mr. Popular, Captain America,the dashingly virile Mr. Britt Jackson, taught me so much about love...eros and agape. After our first break-up, he tried to make sense of what went wrong...He decided that I must have wanted more than he could give...We eventually reunited temporarily, but that statement tattooed itself into the corners of my mind. I couldn't imagine what I wanted from this person, but whatever my needs/wants I hid them from him continually replaying his defeated tape. More than he could give...More than he could give...More than he could give...
Turns out he didn't mean it as dramatically as I received it, but still I wondered my measure of worth in his eyes...Beyond that, I pondered the depth of my affections as translated through my actions...How much was I willing to give?
Now, even still, I consider this before requiring anything of anyone. Do I know the limits? Do I know the bounds? How much can I give? Am I a benefit to this person or a hindrance? My mother used to tell me that every relationship must prove useful to both parties in order to survive...but then she was a gold-digga when she was my age... In order for friendships/relationships to thrive,I think that every relationship must fulfill both parties in whatever means the nature of the relationship can prove mutually fulfilling. My problem remains the constant lack of balance within interpersonal relationships that causes me to be very skeptical of the motives of others. I'm a giver by nature...but I give to the needy not the greedy. I married the greedy...ravenously greedy!! I've always given at least as much as I want to get, but I have found that the only way to maintain the validity of my relationships remains my patented abrasive truth method. Honor myself through unapologetic words and actions. It's the only way to separate the chaff from the wheat. Only the strong survive.
Turns out he didn't mean it as dramatically as I received it, but still I wondered my measure of worth in his eyes...Beyond that, I pondered the depth of my affections as translated through my actions...How much was I willing to give?
Now, even still, I consider this before requiring anything of anyone. Do I know the limits? Do I know the bounds? How much can I give? Am I a benefit to this person or a hindrance? My mother used to tell me that every relationship must prove useful to both parties in order to survive...but then she was a gold-digga when she was my age... In order for friendships/relationships to thrive,I think that every relationship must fulfill both parties in whatever means the nature of the relationship can prove mutually fulfilling. My problem remains the constant lack of balance within interpersonal relationships that causes me to be very skeptical of the motives of others. I'm a giver by nature...but I give to the needy not the greedy. I married the greedy...ravenously greedy!! I've always given at least as much as I want to get, but I have found that the only way to maintain the validity of my relationships remains my patented abrasive truth method. Honor myself through unapologetic words and actions. It's the only way to separate the chaff from the wheat. Only the strong survive.