(no subject)
Feels amazingly blank.
I have no intention of getting out
of my pajamas. Which feels like
a waist of life. But i cant
actually think of anything better
to do. Only me and my sister
are here because my brothers went
ice skating. WHY? I dont know...
But I cant even find my sister.
So I was on the phone with Delanie.
For hours and hours like always.
And reading Finding Alice
which is amazing but distorting my thinking.
I find myself increasingly irritated right now.
PMS? Sure, maybe.
Sick sensitivity? Probably.
but either way, i hate it.
Me and Tessa got in quite a quarrel
in the morning yesterday. We were both
raising our voices quite a bit and
it got out of hand. I hung up, cried,
then called her back.
It was centered around me judging her boyfriend.
I can be judgmental. Everyone can.
I just do this thing where I make
an opinion of someone, then change it
when they convince me otherwise.
But that doesnt take away from the
fact that I am EXTREMELY accepting of all
people from all different walks of life.
Anyhow, I was not ONLY skeptical of her
new boyfriend just because his myspace profile
talks about drugs and "stabbing people".
Because I did just go out with someone
who happens to be infamously known for being
a stoner. I am not prude or too
straight-edge for that sort of thing.
But I just had a bad feeling.
I have from the beginning.
Im protective of her. I cant help it.
And I am sorry now because I realize that
probably hurts her. A lot.
At the same time, I feel very distant
from her suddenly. Its solved but
it doesnt feel okay.
Nothing feels like its back to normal
with her.
I'm not sure how to handle the fact that
I feel like we arent connected right now.
I feel like there is something
I should be doing right now.
but I just cant figure it out.
CASL is in 12 days.
I have no intention of getting out
of my pajamas. Which feels like
a waist of life. But i cant
actually think of anything better
to do. Only me and my sister
are here because my brothers went
ice skating. WHY? I dont know...
But I cant even find my sister.
So I was on the phone with Delanie.
For hours and hours like always.
And reading Finding Alice
which is amazing but distorting my thinking.
I find myself increasingly irritated right now.
PMS? Sure, maybe.
Sick sensitivity? Probably.
but either way, i hate it.
Me and Tessa got in quite a quarrel
in the morning yesterday. We were both
raising our voices quite a bit and
it got out of hand. I hung up, cried,
then called her back.
It was centered around me judging her boyfriend.
I can be judgmental. Everyone can.
I just do this thing where I make
an opinion of someone, then change it
when they convince me otherwise.
But that doesnt take away from the
fact that I am EXTREMELY accepting of all
people from all different walks of life.
Anyhow, I was not ONLY skeptical of her
new boyfriend just because his myspace profile
talks about drugs and "stabbing people".
Because I did just go out with someone
who happens to be infamously known for being
a stoner. I am not prude or too
straight-edge for that sort of thing.
But I just had a bad feeling.
I have from the beginning.
Im protective of her. I cant help it.
And I am sorry now because I realize that
probably hurts her. A lot.
At the same time, I feel very distant
from her suddenly. Its solved but
it doesnt feel okay.
Nothing feels like its back to normal
with her.
I'm not sure how to handle the fact that
I feel like we arent connected right now.
I feel like there is something
I should be doing right now.
but I just cant figure it out.
CASL is in 12 days.