(no subject)
From time to time, I find myself dwelling too much on death, it's a bit of a morbid fascination. What excactly happens when we're dead? I feel I need to write this. I'll end up repeating shit I've said thousands of times, but theres new things, or theres a chance in just a bit I'll totally get confused and just give up.
I guess I should start off by saying I'm not very religeous. I wouldn't know what religeon I fall in, I went to church once, and that was with my friend and wasn't really up to me. I didn't mind, it was just wierd. I believe in a god. I don't know if it would exactly go along with the bible's version of god, but I feel there has to be something that created all this. I can't imagine everything just happening for no reason. Books don't just write themselves. Someone has to write them. I've always compared life to a book. But when we die, is there heaven? is there hell? is there nothingness? Reincarnation? The thought of absoloutely ceasing to exist seems absurd to me. It's impossible to fathome that. It can't just be a dark room, because there would essentially be nothing to sit in that room. Heaven would be nice, hell would suck. Reincarnation? I've always felt this is what happens. But it troubles me. Life is hard. I don't think anyone would deny it. Even the richest mother fuckers have issues. All your life your accomplishing things, meeting new people, devoloping relationships, but then you die. All that shit is gone. It's useless. You won't remember any of it. You won't remember your parents, your friends, your first fuck, you're wife, all of it is nothing. Then you come back, and start over? Just to do it all again. I always thought of those absoloutely crazy domino artist people, who make crazy domino designs, and they say it takes like 500 or so tries because they keep getting knocked down. I say I couldn't imagine even trying after the first. But essentially, this is what could be happening. I don't want to have to redo all of that. Sure, maybe in my passed lives I was fuckign awesome. If you think about it, you could have been someone crazy important.
And maybe a bit of a flip, what about life. How did all of this actually come to be? As I've said, I believe in a god, but was he like alright I'm gona throw some mother fuckin' stars right here, and some crazy shit over here? Adam and Eve? Lilith? I don't know. I had a lot more on my mind, but I can't put it into words.
I guess I should start off by saying I'm not very religeous. I wouldn't know what religeon I fall in, I went to church once, and that was with my friend and wasn't really up to me. I didn't mind, it was just wierd. I believe in a god. I don't know if it would exactly go along with the bible's version of god, but I feel there has to be something that created all this. I can't imagine everything just happening for no reason. Books don't just write themselves. Someone has to write them. I've always compared life to a book. But when we die, is there heaven? is there hell? is there nothingness? Reincarnation? The thought of absoloutely ceasing to exist seems absurd to me. It's impossible to fathome that. It can't just be a dark room, because there would essentially be nothing to sit in that room. Heaven would be nice, hell would suck. Reincarnation? I've always felt this is what happens. But it troubles me. Life is hard. I don't think anyone would deny it. Even the richest mother fuckers have issues. All your life your accomplishing things, meeting new people, devoloping relationships, but then you die. All that shit is gone. It's useless. You won't remember any of it. You won't remember your parents, your friends, your first fuck, you're wife, all of it is nothing. Then you come back, and start over? Just to do it all again. I always thought of those absoloutely crazy domino artist people, who make crazy domino designs, and they say it takes like 500 or so tries because they keep getting knocked down. I say I couldn't imagine even trying after the first. But essentially, this is what could be happening. I don't want to have to redo all of that. Sure, maybe in my passed lives I was fuckign awesome. If you think about it, you could have been someone crazy important.
And maybe a bit of a flip, what about life. How did all of this actually come to be? As I've said, I believe in a god, but was he like alright I'm gona throw some mother fuckin' stars right here, and some crazy shit over here? Adam and Eve? Lilith? I don't know. I had a lot more on my mind, but I can't put it into words.