Starts with Goodbye
Somedays I wish I’d never met him...this is one of those days. I feel like he always blindsides me whenever he has big news; the way he’s so nonchalant about it only makes it that much worse. For once it had nothing to do with another girl; God I wish it had. He was leaving. That’s the news he slapped me in the face with right before a high school play he took me to started. My world had been turned off its axis with those words. How could he leave his home, his job? How could he leave me? I knew it was a possibility that we’d part ways. Both of us were in college and he’d been talking about transferring schools. I suppose I was in denial about the whole situation. He was never mine to lose in the first place. I want to hate him so badly I can feel it with everything in me, but I can’t. I can’t because I love him and I hate myself because of that. And I know that ultimately he is what everyone says he is: an egotistical, materialistic jerk that only cares about himself. They also say that love is blind and I know that to be true as well because it must be for my heart to allow itself to be broken so many times by the same person. He will leave and I will stay and maybe that is what I need to finally move on. I’m so scared though. Scared of being alone and scared of what his absence will do to my already crumbling heart. I heard once that when you love someone and they step away there’s an instinctive response to look up to see if they’re still there. I know when I look up this time...he won’t be.
~Meg