(no subject)
tonight I drove home from my aunt and uncle's house because my dad was tired. I realized that we are both just so frustrated with something that we cannot control or understand. We snapped at each other a couple times, about stupid things like the radio or because I was going 5 miles over the speed limit. It sucks when the person you care about the most won't give you the time of day or in my dad's case sends mixed signals all the time. It's weird, my dad is going through divorce, and my situation makes my heart just hurt so bad that sometimes I can't even stand it. My dad knows who it's about, but not the whole story. I feel like if he knew what was going on with me exactly he would see that I know how he's feeling. Angry, frustrated, sad, nostalgic, hopeful, anxious, sad, and even happy at times when I think about the good times and how amazing things do happen. I owe it to him to tell him about it, for everything he's done for me in my life, I think it would help. He said something to me the other day, he said I used to think people were crazy when they said things when they lost the person they loved like "I'll never love again" and then he said, I know how they feel now. Which was strange because latelly I've been thinking that when you love someone, you really love them and love is not just something you can get over, it's stuck with you forever. That's okay with me, it just really scares me. It's so unfortunate because I'm in one of those situations where I wouldn't wish this sadness on anyone, even someone I disliked immensly; and I have to sit back and watch my dad go through it too. He of all people, is the last person that deserves to feel this way.
I wish I could tell him it gets easier, but it doesn't. I wish I could tell him that apologizing for the things you've done wrong makes things better, but it doesn't. I wish I could tell him I'm trying to be strong for him.
On a happier note, I might have found an apartment today! I just have to wait til Trav gets back from Vegas and can go check it out! The people that work there are super nice, the floorplan is huge, the walk in closet is huge, its close to work and ASU, its amazing, and about $1000 a month. It's like a little house in itself.
I wish I could tell him it gets easier, but it doesn't. I wish I could tell him that apologizing for the things you've done wrong makes things better, but it doesn't. I wish I could tell him I'm trying to be strong for him.
On a happier note, I might have found an apartment today! I just have to wait til Trav gets back from Vegas and can go check it out! The people that work there are super nice, the floorplan is huge, the walk in closet is huge, its close to work and ASU, its amazing, and about $1000 a month. It's like a little house in itself.