thinking about stuff . . . big time stuff
For some wierd reason I have just been dwelling on this subject today. Marriage. Maybe its because I just went to JD's wedding, or maybe cause yesterday Sarah and Tim talked about their upcoming wedding. Me and Britt's three year anniversery of going out is coming. It is decision time, yet again. Last time this kinda happened I would classify as the darkest time in our relationship. This decision time does not feel the same as before. I am nervous about these future decisions, but I am not discouraged. Maybe that is a sign that I may be ready for marriage. I am actually very focused on how I feel is the right time for this commitment then whether or not it is the socially contracted due date. JD said that he sees us together together. He said that at his wedding and he was serious (even though I had been sneaking him drinks all night). He is an honest and trusted friend to me. Am I ready? I know that I am not ready for the actual marriage. The question really is am I ready to be with someone I know I will marry? Or am I in a relationship that has the possibility of manifesting into marriage? I think I am in a relationship like that. Britt said she loves me like that, that was a while ago. If I ever asked her, would she say yes to me? These are the major questions at hand to me. I am in thought about this all the time now. This situation is not one I ever intend on having again. So I better get it right and be positive Im ready and with the right person. I think love is patient and perfect. Do I have that? Another thing is the money and the approval. Would Britt's parents approve me? and at what point in my life? What might have to happen before they do approve me marrying their beloved daughter? Am I good enough for her daughter? Will Bill believe me if I say I will cherish her and protect her as he has so far in her life? I would like to be that man. I love her very very much. She lights my days I swear. Money will take care of itself as far as the wedding. What about the money in the marriage? She relaxes me. I am not very stressful but I stay that way because of my ability to relax and unwind. No one on the planet is better than her affect on me in that area. I know me and her getting marryed is almost expected by the people we know. I need to make sure that any decision made is not based on social circle expectations. Again, I love her so much. She pushes me, She listens, she is creative, she is a firecracker. She is so beautiful. Do I want to marry her? At least eventually. Big decision.