Grounded
Half of me wants to marry the love of my life and buy a house and settle down forever, starting now.
The other half wants to sell all my shit and buy a plane ticket to Europe and never look back.
Security is a good feeling, but so is freedom. Im finding that often times you have to sacrifice one to have the other, and it all just depends on what you want more. The other problem with this equation is that you aren't the only person in the world - your plans can be effected and changed based on the people around you. i.e.: The love of your life leaves you and you are stuck with a house you can't pay for and no one to love. Or you go to Europe, can't get work, and end up homeless on the street with no one to turn to.
I feel like Im at a pivital point in my life where a decision like this could be the best thing for me, but it could also make or break everything. I need to learn to be more spontaneous, I need to learn how to have fun, I need to learn how to trust and I need to learn how to love myself. The problem is, when I'm at home I tend to sit around thinking about all the things I SHOULD be doing in order to achieve this and never actually do any of it because it's so exhausting to think about.
Goals:
1. Art projects-set up some kind of routine or system to motivate self to produce
2. Dance-MORE
3. Eat-Less and healthier
4. Buy bike and ride it
5. Money-spend less than I make (HAH, right) ok scratch that, spend less than I am currently spending (NO MORE MOVIES AND LESS EATING OUT AND NOOOO SHOPPING!)
These are thoughts from today in Chico, visiting with my cousins. I don't get to see my cousins that much, so when I do its kind of like therapy for me. My two cousins on my dad's side are sisters, both older than me. Lindsey is about 21 and she's really fun and hyper and likes to party and do outdoorsy adventure things. Marijke is a few years older and more like me, more introverted and quiet but really sarcastically funny and artistic. I've always looked up to Marijke, and tend to compare myself to her a lot, so its nice to get to hang out with her and talk about life to get her perspective on things.
The other half wants to sell all my shit and buy a plane ticket to Europe and never look back.
Security is a good feeling, but so is freedom. Im finding that often times you have to sacrifice one to have the other, and it all just depends on what you want more. The other problem with this equation is that you aren't the only person in the world - your plans can be effected and changed based on the people around you. i.e.: The love of your life leaves you and you are stuck with a house you can't pay for and no one to love. Or you go to Europe, can't get work, and end up homeless on the street with no one to turn to.
I feel like Im at a pivital point in my life where a decision like this could be the best thing for me, but it could also make or break everything. I need to learn to be more spontaneous, I need to learn how to have fun, I need to learn how to trust and I need to learn how to love myself. The problem is, when I'm at home I tend to sit around thinking about all the things I SHOULD be doing in order to achieve this and never actually do any of it because it's so exhausting to think about.
Goals:
1. Art projects-set up some kind of routine or system to motivate self to produce
2. Dance-MORE
3. Eat-Less and healthier
4. Buy bike and ride it
5. Money-spend less than I make (HAH, right) ok scratch that, spend less than I am currently spending (NO MORE MOVIES AND LESS EATING OUT AND NOOOO SHOPPING!)
These are thoughts from today in Chico, visiting with my cousins. I don't get to see my cousins that much, so when I do its kind of like therapy for me. My two cousins on my dad's side are sisters, both older than me. Lindsey is about 21 and she's really fun and hyper and likes to party and do outdoorsy adventure things. Marijke is a few years older and more like me, more introverted and quiet but really sarcastically funny and artistic. I've always looked up to Marijke, and tend to compare myself to her a lot, so its nice to get to hang out with her and talk about life to get her perspective on things.