Phantom Load - Part 9

[lovesrain44]

Friday, January 24th, 1992

Dean made it through the week by avoiding the hallway near the auditorium, by taking the long way around for his geography class, and by keeping his eyes open the whole time. He hardly dared blink. His eyes were as dry as dusty bones, but at least his homework had been handed in, and he wasn’t limping anymore. He still

Comments

[extraonions]

Butter and sugar sandwiches! A staple of happy childhood memories!

OK, I will be more coherent later. But in short, you've a deft hand with some of the small touches that makes a good story so enjoyable.

[lovesrain44]

I'm glad you liked it! Thank you for letting me know, and for the lovely compliment. And yeah, bread and butter and sugar cannot be beat!

[janissa11]

Oh man, I think I am just teetering on the verge of bawling my eyes out here. It's all so damn plausible, and far, far more than that, SO beautifully written. The secret, the signs, the ways that then-John and then-Sam did and didn't see them, and now-Sam as well. It's all about putting a puzzle together when you don't know what the picture is, isn't it?

This is absolutely wrenching. Tremendous work. Gahh, now I gotta go read something funny, because I SERIOUSLY am tearing up. Dean, baby boy.

[lovesrain44]

Almost bawling, really? Wow! I mean, that's not really a nice thing to do to a person, but it's so satisfying that the story gave you such a strong reaction. I had a hard time being so mean to Dean; when the going got really difficult, I'd have to write a sentence and then get up and walk around, and then write another sentence, and so on, if you can believe that. I wanted to stop, but I figured if I could finish it, then Dean could feel better about things. Sam too.

Thank you for your lovely post. My head is quite swelled now.

[guard_the_cards]

.... Okay I'm about to start crying.

This is so good, and Dean is so amazing and his daddy just knows something is wrong and omg...

The whole black out and the lunch money and John figuring something out, and at the same time it being his birthday and it just is no symbolic meaning or anything like that, just that it is. Which did so much to tell about how much Dean's birthday was to the family.

This is such a realistic view of Dean, and I love that, I love how passivly he inists that sam find out, as well as not realizing it. He's so broken, and the NEST.

That really made me cry, the nest with dean in it.

[lovesrain44]

This is such a nice post, thank you! I'm glad you liked the story, and that it moved you. It moved me when I was writing it, I kept apologizing to the boys for doing this to them, especially Dean. But say, what nest? I feel like I'm missing something in my own story...don't remember any nest, do you mean when Dean was curled up in the Boiler Room when Sam found him? Or was it something else?

[guard_the_cards]

blanket nest in the impala, I think you called it a bed, but it was when dean was all tucked up in blankets and his dad put him in the backseat and sam stayed wiht him

[lovesrain44]

Oooooooooooooooooooh, man, man, man, I totally....feel ashamed now. That's the kicker scene, right there. I think my mind just skipped right over it for some reason, but yeah, the nest. The nest for Dean. Probably the one and only time since he got old enough to clean his own sawed off shotgun that he got carried and tucked in like that. (Man, I SO should have called it a nest!)

I hope the nest did him some good. I'm sorry I made you cry...but it's satisfying in a way, too, to reach a reader like that. Thank you.

[indusnm]

This was very good- heartwrenching, wonderfully written, and as someone who's worked with victims, well-handled.

Thanks for posting

[lovesrain44]

I'm glad you liked the story and thank you for saying that about how it was handled. One of my big fears was that I would mess it up and make it unrealistic. Research and listening to people told me that each person reacts to abuse in their own way. Just like grief. One person will cry for days, and another will bottle it up forever. I wanted to make Dean Dean-like in his reaction. As for Sam, I've known people who have been abused, and oftentimes the abuser is dead by the time they tell me about it, and there's nothing I could do about it, so Sam's fury is mine.

[indusnm]

Oh, absolutely. There's no one reaction- runs the gamit from promiscuity to extreme inhibition. Some people bottle it up by repressing it so deeply it doesn't come out until they're grandparents...

And about Sam's anger, yes! And a lot of victims feel that way too- finally at a point where I can do something except there's nothing left to do to the perpetrator

[lovesrain44]

Except maybe salt and burn the bones, if you're lucky.

Re: you got inside dean and sam's lives

[lovesrain44]

Thank you. I'm very glad you liked the story. The Weechesters are so fun to write about, it's nice to get posts from people who enjoy reading about them as well! My favorite part of the story, almost, is the thought of what John would have done to Gunnarson had he found out. Well, in an AU, maybe he did!