(no subject)
Ohmigosh, I haven't been here in so long, but I felt compelled to visit today. There aren't too many places I can go to vent, in private, although I guess this is only semi-private.
My ex-boyfriend has a new girlfriend. This should not be an issue. I broke up with him. But for some reason it's bugging me. To the point where I am feeling stupid freaking tears. I don't want him back. I don't want to be with him. We are very very bad together, and for the most part I wish him well, happiness, blah blah, whatever. But part of me just feels sucky that we couldn't make it together. Failure, maybe? So if he is happy with someone else, that is good, right? Then why do I want him to suffer, too? 'Cause we couldn't be happy together? I am really confused on this issue. I really did want it to work. I made HUGE efforts. It just wasn't going to happen, though. I KNOW I am better off. Then why do I feel so sad tonight? I actually picked up the phone and called two ex-boyfriends. Maybe I needed some validation. I've always prided myself on the fact that I was still friends with exes. And it did help, a bit, talking to them. I like to think that basically I am a nice person and that for whatever reason things didn't work out in my past relationships, no grudges were held. I guess that's what is bothering me the most. But how can I expect to be friends with someone when we are barely two months out of a two year relationship??? And a rocky one at that.
Crap, I didn't want to come here anew and just whine and whine and that's what I've done. I really am not a whiner. I'm just confused, I guess. As usual, all I want is to be content. It just never seems to be possible for me.
My ex-boyfriend has a new girlfriend. This should not be an issue. I broke up with him. But for some reason it's bugging me. To the point where I am feeling stupid freaking tears. I don't want him back. I don't want to be with him. We are very very bad together, and for the most part I wish him well, happiness, blah blah, whatever. But part of me just feels sucky that we couldn't make it together. Failure, maybe? So if he is happy with someone else, that is good, right? Then why do I want him to suffer, too? 'Cause we couldn't be happy together? I am really confused on this issue. I really did want it to work. I made HUGE efforts. It just wasn't going to happen, though. I KNOW I am better off. Then why do I feel so sad tonight? I actually picked up the phone and called two ex-boyfriends. Maybe I needed some validation. I've always prided myself on the fact that I was still friends with exes. And it did help, a bit, talking to them. I like to think that basically I am a nice person and that for whatever reason things didn't work out in my past relationships, no grudges were held. I guess that's what is bothering me the most. But how can I expect to be friends with someone when we are barely two months out of a two year relationship??? And a rocky one at that.
Crap, I didn't want to come here anew and just whine and whine and that's what I've done. I really am not a whiner. I'm just confused, I guess. As usual, all I want is to be content. It just never seems to be possible for me.