This one's for you, world... you can't have me anymore.
This week has been a week of unmatchable contemplation. I'd like to consider myself a thinker (and good ol' myer-briggs agrees), but there's a point where the daily considerations of life get out of hand. I don't know where choices and passions are going to place me in the future, and I can't even begin to speculate as to where i'll be in five years. Though there's incredible joy and excitement in mystery, something in me wants solidity.
Earlier today, I found myself sitting in the middle of my dorm room, avoiding the cafeteria and it's taco salad appeal, wondering if everything that I want for my life right now is what I really want. Of course there are the unshakable goals and desires (ie. live passionately, influence people to consider truth- why they believe such truths, write), but the little things mixed inbetween cause me to doubt my motives all together. Do I really want to live in America? Of course I'd love to spend most of my time away from this place, documenting global relations and pleading with the world to consider peace. I always find my heart coming back here. Do I really want to get married? I don't even know if I'm selfless enough to own a fish, or a small dog, much less care about another person that intensly. Even if I did ever get married, do I really want a family? Traveling with 8 kids isn't the easiest- or what if they didn't travel and I was gone all the time, writing about other people's families and the need for parents to spend more time with their children? What if it doesn't turn out exactly how I planned?
I think I'll be okay with that.
Earlier today, I found myself sitting in the middle of my dorm room, avoiding the cafeteria and it's taco salad appeal, wondering if everything that I want for my life right now is what I really want. Of course there are the unshakable goals and desires (ie. live passionately, influence people to consider truth- why they believe such truths, write), but the little things mixed inbetween cause me to doubt my motives all together. Do I really want to live in America? Of course I'd love to spend most of my time away from this place, documenting global relations and pleading with the world to consider peace. I always find my heart coming back here. Do I really want to get married? I don't even know if I'm selfless enough to own a fish, or a small dog, much less care about another person that intensly. Even if I did ever get married, do I really want a family? Traveling with 8 kids isn't the easiest- or what if they didn't travel and I was gone all the time, writing about other people's families and the need for parents to spend more time with their children? What if it doesn't turn out exactly how I planned?
I think I'll be okay with that.