Love/Hate
Fandom and I seem to have conflicting feelings for each other. Obviously, I love it, otherwise I wouldn't be here (cause I'm on LJ so much right?). But I realized after spending last weekend and finals week reading fanfiction practically nonstop, that when I immerse myself in fandom, I enter a mindset that really cuts me off from any social, well, anything. There isn't really anyone in my everyday RL who can talk with me on matters like "who would Link really end up getting with in Ocarina?" and "how do you think JKR feels about Snape/Hermione?" So I end up not really delving into fandom during the week hardly at all.
Now, I spent a lot of my time last weekend immersed again, which was wonderful. I did have a sort of "I'm wasting the day!" feeling sometimes, but I was otherwise content. I even got some self-editing done, which was also great! But as soon as someone would ask whether or not I could chill, I'd instantly feel unwilling and even lightweight melancholy. I'd make the excuse that no, I just wanted to relax, when in fact I wanted to be in fandom. During the week, I was getting my computer out at every chance I had, and like ignoring friends. Which I now realize sucks.
I either distance myself from fandom, or saturate myself in it. Both ways, I end up isolated. I really want to find the happy medium, because I can't handle the sacrifices accompanying either extreme.
Help?
Now, I spent a lot of my time last weekend immersed again, which was wonderful. I did have a sort of "I'm wasting the day!" feeling sometimes, but I was otherwise content. I even got some self-editing done, which was also great! But as soon as someone would ask whether or not I could chill, I'd instantly feel unwilling and even lightweight melancholy. I'd make the excuse that no, I just wanted to relax, when in fact I wanted to be in fandom. During the week, I was getting my computer out at every chance I had, and like ignoring friends. Which I now realize sucks.
I either distance myself from fandom, or saturate myself in it. Both ways, I end up isolated. I really want to find the happy medium, because I can't handle the sacrifices accompanying either extreme.
Help?