Nov 13, 2005 07:42
i feel heartache. i feel like ive lost touch with everyone. how do you balance life? between school, family, friends and relationships when do u have time for yourself? im at my house right now and its still feels like i live here. my mom said something really great to me today, i called her earlier and was like " i cant concentrate on school work and i dont know what to do." and subconsciously i wanted to come home and she was like "sheila why dont you just come home now, and we can go get something to eat" i felt so happy when she said that. and i was like thank you for saying that, and she was like "i have always told u that u can come home anytime you want, and you are welcome, this will always be your home." my brother was such a pain in the ass today, he has to whine continuously, and if that wasnt bad enough he has to scream when he talks. im having issues with someone, but i know its mostly my fault. i cant understand how people can be interested in me, it doesnt make any sense when you have nothing to offer and they have everything. i need to be more confident. i wish i could carry myself with the confidence i used to have. i had a conversation with ian last night about religion and it just made me realize how lost i really am. when i think about God i feel this comforting -im not alone- feeling. the problem is that i dont think about god very much, probably 99 percent of the time i dont. whether it was the fact that i never made time to think about it or i dont want to make time for it. i dont know what to believe in, everything is so unknown. im a hands on person and if i cant see, hear or feel it, i cant believe it. i hate thinking.