dear rant,
this is just a rant.
about my mom.
what's new.
she thinks i'm so ignorant, naive, stupid about everything.
especially when it comes to relationships and the like.
why? because i'm young and haven't had much experience.
sure, i don't know everything. but who the hell does?
no one. not even my mom.
just because she's having bad experiences doesn't mean everyone else does.
she thinks the only people who will understand her and empathize with her is when that person has gone through the same, EXACT thing.
like, no. what the hell.
i've told her to go out.
do something with her life.
just because she's a few years from hitting 50 doesn't mean that her life is over.
there's fucking 80 year olds sky diving.
like, jesus christ.
her mind.. ugh.. her thought-process is just so damn negative.
if someone doesn't agree with her, they're wrong.
my dad and two family friends (husband and wife) are telling my mom that she needs to be more forgiving.
more open-minded.
more positive.
more everything she's not.
and yet, she's rolling her eyes.
completely blocking them out.
why? because since she doesn't agree with them, she doesn't have to listen.
jesus christ. even i'm more grown than that.
i know that i can be a bit close-minded when i'm angry.
but i always try to keep what the other person said in the back of my mind.
because maybe, just maybe someday i'll think, "oh... you know what. i agree with them."
plus, the family shit that went down like ... 21980580812 years ago?
she STILL goes on about it.
i tell her to move on. forget about it.
she doesn't have to forgive my dad's side of the family.
but she can still at least TRY to forget it.
she doesn't even fucking try.
and all she does is complain about it.
what the fuck, woman.
where has that gotten you?
it's only given you more stress.
and all you do is complain about how much stress there is in your life.
YOU'RE THE ONE GIVING IT TO YOURSELF.
sometimes, i just can't even talk to my mom without tearing up.
because of pure frustration.
she complains about the language barrier.
hello? she's been here since she was like almost 30.
it's been well over 15 years since she's been in america.
and yet, she still knows jack shit.
she says that she wishes she didn't marry.
that i should never marry a korean man and should marry a white guy or something.
and i tell her, "what's the difference. korean, american? every relationship is gonna have a problem. no relationship is perfect."
and she says, "wow.. you don't understand. you'll never understand."
what the fuck. no. listen, here.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
just because your marriage isn't the happiest doesn't mean i'm gonna have the same problems.
i'm not saying that my relationship is gonna be perfect, because that's virtually impossible.
but every relationship has it's good times and it's bad.
the important part is how the couple comprises and sorts things out.
how they solve the problem. solve the differences.
and obviously, she knows jack shit about that.
because again, if my dad is saying something she doesn't like, even if it's 110% THE TRUTH, she'll block it out.
and you can see it in her face.
you know when she's blocking shit out.
i just don't understand how a person can be so damn close-minded.
i tell myself i want to be NOTHING like her.
but sometimes, i catch myself doing the same shit as her.
and it scares the hell out of me.
she thinks no one understands her.
plus, she thinks that people are psychic.
she'll want shit done.
but she won't tell you.
she just thinks you'll figure it out.
HELLO, THIS AIN'T THAT'S SO RAVEN, OKAY.
and if you don't, she'll get pissed.
also, when she was just ranting like shit.
since i heard all of this.. like everyday.
i make a face like erhm.. raise my eyebrows and squeeze my lips together..
yeah, idk what face i was making.
and i turn to my dad and he makes the same face.
and my mom goes, "ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME? LISTEN HERE... BLAH BLAH BLAHDLSFJKLGSA."
like shit, woman. nobody's laughing at you.
she's so defensive.
and i'm sure if some random person reads this,
"wah. you don't understand your mom. wah, wah wah. put yourself in her shoes."
shut the fuck up.
and i'm not trying to be like my mom.
i've tried to understand her.
i listen to her rant. all the damn time.
even when we have heart-to-hearts, it goes back to that damn family thing that happened years ago.
i swear. she brings it up anywhere. everywhere. whenever.
every time i try to give her advice,
"you don't understand. you'll never understand."
about my mom.
what's new.
she thinks i'm so ignorant, naive, stupid about everything.
especially when it comes to relationships and the like.
why? because i'm young and haven't had much experience.
sure, i don't know everything. but who the hell does?
no one. not even my mom.
just because she's having bad experiences doesn't mean everyone else does.
she thinks the only people who will understand her and empathize with her is when that person has gone through the same, EXACT thing.
like, no. what the hell.
i've told her to go out.
do something with her life.
just because she's a few years from hitting 50 doesn't mean that her life is over.
there's fucking 80 year olds sky diving.
like, jesus christ.
her mind.. ugh.. her thought-process is just so damn negative.
if someone doesn't agree with her, they're wrong.
my dad and two family friends (husband and wife) are telling my mom that she needs to be more forgiving.
more open-minded.
more positive.
more everything she's not.
and yet, she's rolling her eyes.
completely blocking them out.
why? because since she doesn't agree with them, she doesn't have to listen.
jesus christ. even i'm more grown than that.
i know that i can be a bit close-minded when i'm angry.
but i always try to keep what the other person said in the back of my mind.
because maybe, just maybe someday i'll think, "oh... you know what. i agree with them."
plus, the family shit that went down like ... 21980580812 years ago?
she STILL goes on about it.
i tell her to move on. forget about it.
she doesn't have to forgive my dad's side of the family.
but she can still at least TRY to forget it.
she doesn't even fucking try.
and all she does is complain about it.
what the fuck, woman.
where has that gotten you?
it's only given you more stress.
and all you do is complain about how much stress there is in your life.
YOU'RE THE ONE GIVING IT TO YOURSELF.
sometimes, i just can't even talk to my mom without tearing up.
because of pure frustration.
she complains about the language barrier.
hello? she's been here since she was like almost 30.
it's been well over 15 years since she's been in america.
and yet, she still knows jack shit.
she says that she wishes she didn't marry.
that i should never marry a korean man and should marry a white guy or something.
and i tell her, "what's the difference. korean, american? every relationship is gonna have a problem. no relationship is perfect."
and she says, "wow.. you don't understand. you'll never understand."
what the fuck. no. listen, here.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
just because your marriage isn't the happiest doesn't mean i'm gonna have the same problems.
i'm not saying that my relationship is gonna be perfect, because that's virtually impossible.
but every relationship has it's good times and it's bad.
the important part is how the couple comprises and sorts things out.
how they solve the problem. solve the differences.
and obviously, she knows jack shit about that.
because again, if my dad is saying something she doesn't like, even if it's 110% THE TRUTH, she'll block it out.
and you can see it in her face.
you know when she's blocking shit out.
i just don't understand how a person can be so damn close-minded.
i tell myself i want to be NOTHING like her.
but sometimes, i catch myself doing the same shit as her.
and it scares the hell out of me.
she thinks no one understands her.
plus, she thinks that people are psychic.
she'll want shit done.
but she won't tell you.
she just thinks you'll figure it out.
HELLO, THIS AIN'T THAT'S SO RAVEN, OKAY.
and if you don't, she'll get pissed.
also, when she was just ranting like shit.
since i heard all of this.. like everyday.
i make a face like erhm.. raise my eyebrows and squeeze my lips together..
yeah, idk what face i was making.
and i turn to my dad and he makes the same face.
and my mom goes, "ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME? LISTEN HERE... BLAH BLAH BLAHDLSFJKLGSA."
like shit, woman. nobody's laughing at you.
she's so defensive.
and i'm sure if some random person reads this,
"wah. you don't understand your mom. wah, wah wah. put yourself in her shoes."
shut the fuck up.
and i'm not trying to be like my mom.
i've tried to understand her.
i listen to her rant. all the damn time.
even when we have heart-to-hearts, it goes back to that damn family thing that happened years ago.
i swear. she brings it up anywhere. everywhere. whenever.
every time i try to give her advice,
"you don't understand. you'll never understand."