hello
okie, so me and Jay arent spending Friday together like i was oh so darn happy about. i canceled it because Ellie told me that he liked another chick and spending Valentines day with me would be right, because its more of a sexual relationship. i totally understand.
i know he thinks im crying over him...but im not. its just that ive been in this situation many times and its finally gotten to me. i guess i just broke down and had a nice long cry. i've been second choice to a lot of guys and its degrading, slowly eating at me and i finally just CRIED. i feel a lot better, thanks to a good buddy. that buddy is Paul -- whose been in this situation before. i feel sorry for him because hes been used and kicked around also. SO me and him decided that on Valentines Day, we get together (not as a couple) to praise the things we truly love and cherrish. the things that wont cheat, take advantage, use, or break our hearts. Maybe get us in a little trouble, but gives our pathetic little lives a little twist...marajuanna and alcohol. its a date, and unless Jay actually calls me and tells me he would rather spend Valentines day with me and gives me a reason, yes, i shall consider it. but from now on guys are second choice, and school -- friends -- and having a good time comes first.
oh, and i got new shoes, i plan on getting in the habit of working out and/or running twice a week.
night <3