[Private Journal] What do you do when you can't tell anyone?
Thursday, August 27th
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I read somewhere that if you write out your feelings it makes you feel better. I hope it works. It's been kind of hard to keep my other method of coping secret. I almost got caught at work the other day with wine in my cubicle and I almost spilled it all trying to hide it, ve.
.......
I... I guess I just don't know what to do anymore, ve. Ever since... the incident I seem to be second guessing a lot of things. N, not just a lot of things... everything really, ve.
Like my job. I finally looked around and I'm treated a lot better than most of the designers who have been working for the magazine as payroll employees for over 6 years, ve. Everyone's always nice to me and even all those times Ludwig has told me they were doing performance reviews and I might be cut it never happened... The Bosses are scared of what my family would do.
Then I started thinking about the apartment. We've never paid rent on our own. Papa always gives Romano a check when he's at work and we use that. I've been living in a place paid for for by dirty money...
School. Papa gives us money for that too. My design career is being paid and funded by something I don't want to be part of.
I just... I don't know what to do, ve. Romano made me promise to not tell anyone, which is why I'm making this one a private blog. I know why, the police would arrest Mama and Papa if they found out. Us too probably.
I really, really wish I could ask for advice though.
The wine isn't doing it either and Romano won't let me keep anything else in the apartment. With school coming up I can't go to the bars and clubs all the time and I have work in the morning. Designing and dealing with models with a hang over isn't ideal, ve.
Maybe a siesta will help? I just ran home for a late lunch but... I don't think I'll go back today, ve.