Ironic Short Person Encounter
Walking out of Ralphs today, a "little person" stopped me. She said, "Ma'am," which already lost her some points, "could you spare even a quarter to help the homeless?"
I smiled and said, "I'M homeless." I half-expected that she'd hear this and hand me some money. Oh, in a perfect world.
She instead scoffed at me. I kept smiling and walked toward my car, hearing a sound eek out of her behind me, "yyyyeah."
I turned and almost laughed. "What?" She repeated my "what" back to me, and I asked "why'd you make that noise? You don't believe me?" Actually, her not believing me is a bit of a compliment. But still.
"I didn't make any noise," she lied. "You must be mistaken, ma'am." Strike two on the "ma'am" business. I kept smiling and turned back toward my car.
Then she un-lied, "I said that about THAT," pointing to a billboard or something not worth the effort of looking at (because she was lying anyway, and what are the chances a UFO or something interested were in the air behind me), "not you, ma'am." Strike three. Be generous today, Ash...
I stared at her for a minute, to convey that I knew better, and I got in my car. As I closed my door, the angry twirp made a "Kchuh" sound to illustrate to me that she was from the valley and was alive in the early 90s. Okay... I backed out of my spot and as I passed her, I slowed and made a gesture as if giving her a tour of my car - my home? Ta-da! Welcome, guest!
She took that gesture the opposite way, because she's an angry and skeptical tiny human being with average-sized flaws, and she jutted her head at me and threw her arms open wide and screamed, "WHAT?!"
Midgets are so weird.
I smiled and said, "I'M homeless." I half-expected that she'd hear this and hand me some money. Oh, in a perfect world.
She instead scoffed at me. I kept smiling and walked toward my car, hearing a sound eek out of her behind me, "yyyyeah."
I turned and almost laughed. "What?" She repeated my "what" back to me, and I asked "why'd you make that noise? You don't believe me?" Actually, her not believing me is a bit of a compliment. But still.
"I didn't make any noise," she lied. "You must be mistaken, ma'am." Strike two on the "ma'am" business. I kept smiling and turned back toward my car.
Then she un-lied, "I said that about THAT," pointing to a billboard or something not worth the effort of looking at (because she was lying anyway, and what are the chances a UFO or something interested were in the air behind me), "not you, ma'am." Strike three. Be generous today, Ash...
I stared at her for a minute, to convey that I knew better, and I got in my car. As I closed my door, the angry twirp made a "Kchuh" sound to illustrate to me that she was from the valley and was alive in the early 90s. Okay... I backed out of my spot and as I passed her, I slowed and made a gesture as if giving her a tour of my car - my home? Ta-da! Welcome, guest!
She took that gesture the opposite way, because she's an angry and skeptical tiny human being with average-sized flaws, and she jutted her head at me and threw her arms open wide and screamed, "WHAT?!"
Midgets are so weird.