Hey guys, haven't posted here in awhile, but I have a problem I feel like only other people who have been in my position can shed some real light on. For starters, here are our stats.
Very similar situation (down to me living near Denver and attending cheap school - are you going to Metro?). He lived with his mom in IN while I lived on my own. He had a grocery job, two years into the LDR I fell into an awesome job that doesn't exist in IN. I also have a horse, so me moving would require moving her and all that.
Just over 3 1/2 years into the LDR he surprised me (on Valentine's Day, no less) by saying that when I came out to visit over spring break, instead of flying back he wanted me to drive back with him so we could start our lives together. It was completely out of the blue and right as I was going through what you are right now - should I give an ultimatum, could I risk throwing this all away, stuff like that.
So hang in there - we made it 3 1/2 years LDR before The Move, and we've been living together for almost 5 years after that! We bought a house in 2012 and couldn't be happier. :)
I am going to Metro, actually haha. It's hard to beat their resident tuition price.
I'm also feeling like maybe the reason he's so put-off about it is because he's doing a lot behind the scenes to get things rolling that I just don't know about yet. He's not the kind of person who is going to open up and share every struggle he's having, which is frustrating but it's his way and I can't force him to be any other way.
Our circumstances were different, but I found myself asking a lot of these same questions when my then-boyfriend was graduating from college and moving away. I didn't want to give an ultimatum, but I also felt like the course we were on just was not going to work for me. What a wise friend told me is that sometimes in a relationship the truth hurts, but if it is the truth, it's not wrong to say it. And the truth was, I wasn't willing to be in an LDR for 4-5 years while he attended a graduate program in a city that didn't have opportunities for me as well, and then goodness knows what for the next 3-5 years while he pursued post doc positions. Frankly, I don't think our relationship would have survived it, even if I had been willing to give it a go. I also felt that if he was really going to ask me to wait that long, it must mean that I was just not that important to him
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That was really insightful, thanks a lot for replying. I was always afraid to just lay it all out there like that because I didn't want to put him in that position, but I realize I'm putting myself in a pretty bad one by not expressing my own needs. I think you're right in that I'm not being unreasonable and I deserve to know where my future is going.
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Just over 3 1/2 years into the LDR he surprised me (on Valentine's Day, no less) by saying that when I came out to visit over spring break, instead of flying back he wanted me to drive back with him so we could start our lives together. It was completely out of the blue and right as I was going through what you are right now - should I give an ultimatum, could I risk throwing this all away, stuff like that.
So hang in there - we made it 3 1/2 years LDR before The Move, and we've been living together for almost 5 years after that! We bought a house in 2012 and couldn't be happier. :)
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I'm also feeling like maybe the reason he's so put-off about it is because he's doing a lot behind the scenes to get things rolling that I just don't know about yet. He's not the kind of person who is going to open up and share every struggle he's having, which is frustrating but it's his way and I can't force him to be any other way.
Thanks for your input :)
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