Sibling Rivalry...
One of the hardest things about having a sister who is (on the outside) perfect is realizing that I will never be as good as her. Since we are all made differently, I will never accomplish the things she has so that no matter what I do, no matter how admirable, will never be up to par. Also, since she is directly connected to perfection in my mind and how a person should be, I judge myself against what she has accomplished and so that I view myself as inadequate as far as meeting the standards set forth by her as the first daughter. Also, the worst part is that since she is so happy with her fiance...I relate the likelyhood of me finding that same type of happiness in love to being as "perfect" as she is (remember that I view myself as never able to reach that level of goodness). SO in my mind...im doomed to wander the earth alone...because i dunno, nothings worked out so far in that department. Its interesting. As I reach new relationships, the seem to self-destruct in less apparent ways to the outside world, but they hurt more to me on the inside. its hard to explain. i dont expect any of you to understand how my silly mind works anyways...ENOUGH WHINING! i'm going tomorrow to look for a new puppy. wish me luck. luve you talk to you soon! ~Faith