My School Life: 1 - 8
or My School Life: An Autobiography.
Today I realized that I’ve been out of high school for a full year now. Roughly a year ago I had a panic attack, walked out of school and never came back. In the eyes of most I’ve done nothing, I didn’t get a job and I played around with adult ED for a few months before dropping the idea, but I like to think that I’ve a lot in getting myself the help that I need.
As far back as I can remember I never liked school. My mother was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis when I was about a year and a half old and became a full time stay at home mother because she couldn’t physically deal with her job as a dental hygienist. As far back as I can remember I’ve been dependent on my mother, even to this day there’s little I can do without her.
Preschool/Kindergarten
I don’t remember much when it comes to preschool, I vaguely remember being at some sort of preschool and absolutely hating it. It was my first time away from my mother for any length of time and it didn’t last long. I stayed at home with mum until I became of age to go into kindergarten and I was enrolled in a school a few blocks away form my house.
I hated it. I don’t remember much or even how long I stayed there, but I remember one incident clearly. The school’s kindergarten was in a big room divided into four, a corner for each class. One day we were sitting on the floor and our teacher was going to read something for us and one of the other classes came and sat with us. I... didn’t like it. I remember being bewildered when the other class came to sit with us and just felt uncomfortable. I don’t remember why, maybe I didn’t like someone in the class, I’m not sure.
I don’t remember how long I stayed in that class but mum pulled me out for some reason or another. Sometime after that she found another Kindergarten that was run out of a church by an adorably kind lady I know as Miss Gloria. The structure was the same, I was there for half a day, but the atmosphere was completely different. I made friends and stayed there for two years before I had to enter grade one.
Grade One
I returned back to the school that was a few blocks away from me (and ultimately stayed there all eight grades). The first day I was anxious and incredibly excited, until I had to go into the school and separate from my mum. I don’t remember how long it took, but for the longest time I’d cry when the bell rang and mum would have to hold my hand until I went inside.
She volunteered with the school and helped out with the kids that were having a difficult time and the fact that I knew she was in the school helped ease my anxiety a whole bunch. I made friends, went to birthday parties and adjusted as well as I could. I also dealt with my first, and only real, bully. (Sailor Moon was over the top popular at the time and he’d call me ”meatball head” and I absolutely hated it. I talked to my teacher about it and she got him to stop.)
Grade Two
Grade two was much like grade one. Mum helped out at the school and volunteered to help out with all field trips. (I refused to go if mum wasn’t going, I was always the first to hand in my form because I wanted mum to help out, not some other strange mom.)
I thin my mother’s presence around the other students and their mothers helped me fit in more. Throughout my elementary school days I always had a friend or two. Never a large amount, but enough that I could count on an ensure I wouldn’t be alone during recess or lunch. I would latch onto whoever wanted to be my friend, it didn’t matter who, and I realize I essentially used them. But, to this day, my desire to make friends is always to make sure I’m not alone.
Grade Three
Grade there is another year with nothing significant happening. I had friends, mum was there when I needed her, I got through the year.
I guess at this point I should mention although I went to school for the most part, I was always the one that missed the most school. A day here and there, but certainly more than the average student.
Grade Four
Grade four was my golden year. I met two friends, Kathy and Amy, and the three of us were stuck together like glue. Kathy lived close to me so mum would pick her up in the morning and drive us to school, helping to relieve my anxiety of going to school. (Although school was good, getting to school was hard. It’s always been hard and is still hard now.)
It was the first time I had friends that had similar interests, what I liked was popular, and I just had a lot of fun. My class was awesome, I had an abundance of people I could talk to. I think this year I rarely missed school because I actually enjoyed being at school.
Grade Five
Kathy’s parents took her out of my school and she was sent off to one of those gifted schools, which left me and Amy. I stuck to her like crazy but her attendance was almost as shotty as mine, which only lead to more anxiety. “Oh no, there’s a 50/50 chance she won’t be at school today.”
That year was the year I had my first panic attack. It was a few weeks into the school year and I did not want to go to school. I’ll go to school tomorrow, let me stay home today. I swear I’ll go to school tomorrow, I just want to sit at home and watch TV. Somehow mum got me out of the house and into the car and into the school’s parking lot. I was calm on the way there but as soon as we got to the parking lot, I did not want to go. No way. I banged on the car’s windows, hyperventalated and pretty much became the worst child in the world.
Mum eventually took me home. I had some more episodes, but not as bad as that, before the school got involved. My teacher that year was incredibly awesome and helped a whole lot in getting me to school. I still missed a lot of school and had a really hard time, but I got through that year.
Grade Six
I like to think this year I matured a bit. Haha. Amy moved onto other friends and I found a new duo that I still hold close to my heard, even if we don’t talk anymore. Clarrissa and Cassandra. I still missed a lot of school but I got through the year.
Grade Seven
Cassandra went to some french emersion school and Clarissa was in another class and we drifted apart. I found a new friend, Allison. She was a new student and I latched onto her before she could establish any new friendships with the rest of the class. My grade seven teacher opened my eyes to the possibility of going to a different high school. Up until this point I had planned on going to Banting, the local high school where everyone else in my school went to. I would stick with the same people that I had grown up with and I suddenly realized that getting a new start and meeting new people might be a good thing.
This was also the year I got my first boyfriend. It lasted a week before I yelled at him while walking home with friends and told him we were over.
Grade Eight
My circle of friends increased and I was, for the most part, happy and felt the most normal. Although my friends weren’t interested in the same things are me (this was my first year of discovering J-rock) they indulged it in like I indulged in theirs.
I guess yo could say it was a landmark year. Haha. At the end of the year we went to Ottawa for five or so days. Which meant over night. Which meant no mother. To this day I’m surprised I got through it and actually enjoyed it (even if I sprained my ankle when we got onto the bus... so I was limping around the whole time). I wouldn’t be able to do it without my friends and I wish I could express that to them.
And thus concludes my school life up until high school. Every year (excluding grade four) I missed a lot of school. Going to school was always the hardest thing, stepping through those doors. Staying there for lunch was also something I battled with the first few years before mum let me go home for lunch.
I remember hearing some of the tales from high school friends and how they’d always be alone at recess or during lunch and this always baffled me. I remember thinking, “Wait, you had no friends and you’re more well adjusted than me?” ...I was jealous. That they could have a presumably misserable elementary school life yet be more capable of adapting to high school.
All in all, there are a lot of bitter memories from those years, but more often I remember the good times. At the time I was miserable, yet now I remember the good stuff vividly and the bad stuff vaguely. I’m not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing.
Today I realized that I’ve been out of high school for a full year now. Roughly a year ago I had a panic attack, walked out of school and never came back. In the eyes of most I’ve done nothing, I didn’t get a job and I played around with adult ED for a few months before dropping the idea, but I like to think that I’ve a lot in getting myself the help that I need.
As far back as I can remember I never liked school. My mother was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis when I was about a year and a half old and became a full time stay at home mother because she couldn’t physically deal with her job as a dental hygienist. As far back as I can remember I’ve been dependent on my mother, even to this day there’s little I can do without her.
Preschool/Kindergarten
I don’t remember much when it comes to preschool, I vaguely remember being at some sort of preschool and absolutely hating it. It was my first time away from my mother for any length of time and it didn’t last long. I stayed at home with mum until I became of age to go into kindergarten and I was enrolled in a school a few blocks away form my house.
I hated it. I don’t remember much or even how long I stayed there, but I remember one incident clearly. The school’s kindergarten was in a big room divided into four, a corner for each class. One day we were sitting on the floor and our teacher was going to read something for us and one of the other classes came and sat with us. I... didn’t like it. I remember being bewildered when the other class came to sit with us and just felt uncomfortable. I don’t remember why, maybe I didn’t like someone in the class, I’m not sure.
I don’t remember how long I stayed in that class but mum pulled me out for some reason or another. Sometime after that she found another Kindergarten that was run out of a church by an adorably kind lady I know as Miss Gloria. The structure was the same, I was there for half a day, but the atmosphere was completely different. I made friends and stayed there for two years before I had to enter grade one.
Grade One
I returned back to the school that was a few blocks away from me (and ultimately stayed there all eight grades). The first day I was anxious and incredibly excited, until I had to go into the school and separate from my mum. I don’t remember how long it took, but for the longest time I’d cry when the bell rang and mum would have to hold my hand until I went inside.
She volunteered with the school and helped out with the kids that were having a difficult time and the fact that I knew she was in the school helped ease my anxiety a whole bunch. I made friends, went to birthday parties and adjusted as well as I could. I also dealt with my first, and only real, bully. (Sailor Moon was over the top popular at the time and he’d call me ”meatball head” and I absolutely hated it. I talked to my teacher about it and she got him to stop.)
Grade Two
Grade two was much like grade one. Mum helped out at the school and volunteered to help out with all field trips. (I refused to go if mum wasn’t going, I was always the first to hand in my form because I wanted mum to help out, not some other strange mom.)
I thin my mother’s presence around the other students and their mothers helped me fit in more. Throughout my elementary school days I always had a friend or two. Never a large amount, but enough that I could count on an ensure I wouldn’t be alone during recess or lunch. I would latch onto whoever wanted to be my friend, it didn’t matter who, and I realize I essentially used them. But, to this day, my desire to make friends is always to make sure I’m not alone.
Grade Three
Grade there is another year with nothing significant happening. I had friends, mum was there when I needed her, I got through the year.
I guess at this point I should mention although I went to school for the most part, I was always the one that missed the most school. A day here and there, but certainly more than the average student.
Grade Four
Grade four was my golden year. I met two friends, Kathy and Amy, and the three of us were stuck together like glue. Kathy lived close to me so mum would pick her up in the morning and drive us to school, helping to relieve my anxiety of going to school. (Although school was good, getting to school was hard. It’s always been hard and is still hard now.)
It was the first time I had friends that had similar interests, what I liked was popular, and I just had a lot of fun. My class was awesome, I had an abundance of people I could talk to. I think this year I rarely missed school because I actually enjoyed being at school.
Grade Five
Kathy’s parents took her out of my school and she was sent off to one of those gifted schools, which left me and Amy. I stuck to her like crazy but her attendance was almost as shotty as mine, which only lead to more anxiety. “Oh no, there’s a 50/50 chance she won’t be at school today.”
That year was the year I had my first panic attack. It was a few weeks into the school year and I did not want to go to school. I’ll go to school tomorrow, let me stay home today. I swear I’ll go to school tomorrow, I just want to sit at home and watch TV. Somehow mum got me out of the house and into the car and into the school’s parking lot. I was calm on the way there but as soon as we got to the parking lot, I did not want to go. No way. I banged on the car’s windows, hyperventalated and pretty much became the worst child in the world.
Mum eventually took me home. I had some more episodes, but not as bad as that, before the school got involved. My teacher that year was incredibly awesome and helped a whole lot in getting me to school. I still missed a lot of school and had a really hard time, but I got through that year.
Grade Six
I like to think this year I matured a bit. Haha. Amy moved onto other friends and I found a new duo that I still hold close to my heard, even if we don’t talk anymore. Clarrissa and Cassandra. I still missed a lot of school but I got through the year.
Grade Seven
Cassandra went to some french emersion school and Clarissa was in another class and we drifted apart. I found a new friend, Allison. She was a new student and I latched onto her before she could establish any new friendships with the rest of the class. My grade seven teacher opened my eyes to the possibility of going to a different high school. Up until this point I had planned on going to Banting, the local high school where everyone else in my school went to. I would stick with the same people that I had grown up with and I suddenly realized that getting a new start and meeting new people might be a good thing.
This was also the year I got my first boyfriend. It lasted a week before I yelled at him while walking home with friends and told him we were over.
Grade Eight
My circle of friends increased and I was, for the most part, happy and felt the most normal. Although my friends weren’t interested in the same things are me (this was my first year of discovering J-rock) they indulged it in like I indulged in theirs.
I guess yo could say it was a landmark year. Haha. At the end of the year we went to Ottawa for five or so days. Which meant over night. Which meant no mother. To this day I’m surprised I got through it and actually enjoyed it (even if I sprained my ankle when we got onto the bus... so I was limping around the whole time). I wouldn’t be able to do it without my friends and I wish I could express that to them.
And thus concludes my school life up until high school. Every year (excluding grade four) I missed a lot of school. Going to school was always the hardest thing, stepping through those doors. Staying there for lunch was also something I battled with the first few years before mum let me go home for lunch.
I remember hearing some of the tales from high school friends and how they’d always be alone at recess or during lunch and this always baffled me. I remember thinking, “Wait, you had no friends and you’re more well adjusted than me?” ...I was jealous. That they could have a presumably misserable elementary school life yet be more capable of adapting to high school.
All in all, there are a lot of bitter memories from those years, but more often I remember the good times. At the time I was miserable, yet now I remember the good stuff vividly and the bad stuff vaguely. I’m not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing.