(no subject)
Oh what a strange love triangle this has all become.
So when Kenny called it off we stopped speaking for a good while. Meanwhile, his best friend Brian has been inviting me over. Brian is a great guy, not quite as attractive as Kenny but still funny and I enjoy spending time with him. He's had an on-off relationship with an amazing girl, Fran. But about the time things started fizzling with Kenny, Brian and Fran were off again.
Recently Brian invited me over and we watched a movie. After we were goofing off and wound up fooling around for a bit. To my dissappointment, Brian was not nearly as endowed as Kenny either and I was left rather unsatisfied along with the haunting feeling of disgust in myself.
Even though Kenny and I weren't even speaking, much less dating, I felt awful for hooking up with his best friend. I've known Brian's had a crush on me for some time (pretty much since Kenny and I met) and I kept wondering the whole time, how long he'd been waiting to do this, and worse, did he break up with Fran because he thought he'd have a shot with me? I can't get it out of my head and I'm terrified that Kenny will find out and be hurt.
Kenny called me today. I was having lunch with Kelsey and I called him later but he didn't answer. On my way home, I pass his shop and he's there. I drove past at first thinking I shouldn't bother him but I eventually turned around and went back. He was terribly excited to see me and even though he was busy he begged me to stay and talk to him. He kept hugging me and kissing my face and even mentioned that he missed me. He kept saying amazingly sweet things and staring at me like he used to when we were together. It was that look that just melts my insides. That same look that you can tell he's thinking how beautiful I am and how much he cares about me. I was distant and somewhat cold but still allowed him room to show I'm still there for when he snaps out of this stupid phase of not wanting to be in a relationship.
At one point he asked me if I'd talked to Brian recently. I choked thinking maybe he knew. I didn't lie I told him we'd hung out and he said it was good. He's worried that Brian's lonely without Fran.
I miss Kenny a lot. It kills me to see him because I want so much for things to go back to how they were. I know it won't for awhile, but I'll be here when he comes back. I just hope he does.
So when Kenny called it off we stopped speaking for a good while. Meanwhile, his best friend Brian has been inviting me over. Brian is a great guy, not quite as attractive as Kenny but still funny and I enjoy spending time with him. He's had an on-off relationship with an amazing girl, Fran. But about the time things started fizzling with Kenny, Brian and Fran were off again.
Recently Brian invited me over and we watched a movie. After we were goofing off and wound up fooling around for a bit. To my dissappointment, Brian was not nearly as endowed as Kenny either and I was left rather unsatisfied along with the haunting feeling of disgust in myself.
Even though Kenny and I weren't even speaking, much less dating, I felt awful for hooking up with his best friend. I've known Brian's had a crush on me for some time (pretty much since Kenny and I met) and I kept wondering the whole time, how long he'd been waiting to do this, and worse, did he break up with Fran because he thought he'd have a shot with me? I can't get it out of my head and I'm terrified that Kenny will find out and be hurt.
Kenny called me today. I was having lunch with Kelsey and I called him later but he didn't answer. On my way home, I pass his shop and he's there. I drove past at first thinking I shouldn't bother him but I eventually turned around and went back. He was terribly excited to see me and even though he was busy he begged me to stay and talk to him. He kept hugging me and kissing my face and even mentioned that he missed me. He kept saying amazingly sweet things and staring at me like he used to when we were together. It was that look that just melts my insides. That same look that you can tell he's thinking how beautiful I am and how much he cares about me. I was distant and somewhat cold but still allowed him room to show I'm still there for when he snaps out of this stupid phase of not wanting to be in a relationship.
At one point he asked me if I'd talked to Brian recently. I choked thinking maybe he knew. I didn't lie I told him we'd hung out and he said it was good. He's worried that Brian's lonely without Fran.
I miss Kenny a lot. It kills me to see him because I want so much for things to go back to how they were. I know it won't for awhile, but I'll be here when he comes back. I just hope he does.