(no subject)
It takes a lot of effort, I have seen, to smile through that which holds us down. I'm sure all of you know that. More than that, it takes a lot of effort to keep smiling as you watch your life change in a pretty huge way. Sort of funny, how quickly things change on you. Scary, really. One minute, you're one of so many million Americans, walking down the street, and the next, you're plastered to the front of a bus while what's left of you dies in the street. I just think it's scary is all, scary and a bit cruel.
I've had a lot of time to think about that over the past few days. I've felt a lot of things, emotions running the gamut from sickened to devistated to furious and everywhere in between. And I haven't learned anything yet, other than the fact that sometimes it's better to start from square one. Sometimes it's better to go back to where you came from and walk a different path in life.
But whatever. I haven't got the right to let it get me down like that. I'm sure that so many other kids have gone through this more times than I have, and it's them who deserve your attention, not me. So for now, I'll leave this sitting here, probably for my own benefit, while I go and help others with the problems that they're faced with in every day life. That's the way it was before, and this move of ours back to the beginning won't change that. I like to help people move forward in life. It's one of the very few things that I'm good at. As for myself, I'll get back to square one eventually, and when I do, everything will be perfect again. It's really the journey back that's so painful. But the hands that I've got on my back are strong ones, unwavering, or so I like to think, even when my steps get shaky. I love the hands at my back because they are the only reason that I haven't stumbled thus far.
That said, if I act like I don't care about your problems, give me a minute. If I act like I want you to leave me alone, please, God, don't.
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things that I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
I've had a lot of time to think about that over the past few days. I've felt a lot of things, emotions running the gamut from sickened to devistated to furious and everywhere in between. And I haven't learned anything yet, other than the fact that sometimes it's better to start from square one. Sometimes it's better to go back to where you came from and walk a different path in life.
But whatever. I haven't got the right to let it get me down like that. I'm sure that so many other kids have gone through this more times than I have, and it's them who deserve your attention, not me. So for now, I'll leave this sitting here, probably for my own benefit, while I go and help others with the problems that they're faced with in every day life. That's the way it was before, and this move of ours back to the beginning won't change that. I like to help people move forward in life. It's one of the very few things that I'm good at. As for myself, I'll get back to square one eventually, and when I do, everything will be perfect again. It's really the journey back that's so painful. But the hands that I've got on my back are strong ones, unwavering, or so I like to think, even when my steps get shaky. I love the hands at my back because they are the only reason that I haven't stumbled thus far.
That said, if I act like I don't care about your problems, give me a minute. If I act like I want you to leave me alone, please, God, don't.
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things that I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.