Say what you mean, tell me I'm right, and let the sun rain down on me.
Sometimes you just need to be reminded of something in your past to make everything better.
Lately I've been feeling like I've been losing myself. Not in the depressive, "I'm so sad, why doesn't anything good happen to me" way, but the reflective "how did I get to this point?" & nothing feels right way.
Don't get me wrong, I've had amazing experiences & things in my life have been going amazingly well. I'm directing my first professional show (getting paid to do what I love is the best!!), getting good grades, am healthy, & my family & friends are all fantastic.
It's just... I feel like something is gone. Maybe that childhood innocence I used to have? Possibly my carefree attitude? The genuine happiness I felt without the underlying fear/anger.
I feel mean and calculating and powerful and old and fearful and bitter.
So what do I do to fix this? Because I'm all about fixing my problem, even though I do intellectualize quite a bit as well...
I have started to regress back to things that have made me happy (& a titch obsessive) in the past. Everything from Panic! At The Disco (who couldn't have a NEW album coming out at a better time!) to fanfiction (It's so bad, but so good) to True Blood to even a tinsy bit of Newsies (but only a little, promise).
I love getting the feeling I used to get from these things, like it's something new and gives me a little thrill.
Oh.
That must be it. I miss that thrill.
Fabulous.
Well, here I go out on my search for a new thrill. Wish me luck.
Love(orthesun)
Lately I've been feeling like I've been losing myself. Not in the depressive, "I'm so sad, why doesn't anything good happen to me" way, but the reflective "how did I get to this point?" & nothing feels right way.
Don't get me wrong, I've had amazing experiences & things in my life have been going amazingly well. I'm directing my first professional show (getting paid to do what I love is the best!!), getting good grades, am healthy, & my family & friends are all fantastic.
It's just... I feel like something is gone. Maybe that childhood innocence I used to have? Possibly my carefree attitude? The genuine happiness I felt without the underlying fear/anger.
I feel mean and calculating and powerful and old and fearful and bitter.
So what do I do to fix this? Because I'm all about fixing my problem, even though I do intellectualize quite a bit as well...
I have started to regress back to things that have made me happy (& a titch obsessive) in the past. Everything from Panic! At The Disco (who couldn't have a NEW album coming out at a better time!) to fanfiction (It's so bad, but so good) to True Blood to even a tinsy bit of Newsies (but only a little, promise).
I love getting the feeling I used to get from these things, like it's something new and gives me a little thrill.
Oh.
That must be it. I miss that thrill.
Fabulous.
Well, here I go out on my search for a new thrill. Wish me luck.
Love(orthesun)