smile
Smile
A smile. That's how it started, and that's how it ended. Bright eyes, long lashes, and amazing hair, yeah you know that type... that was him. Did I fall in love at first sight? I don't know, but thinking back I know I did love him. Meeting one late night in a small commercial coffee shop this one chance night turned into several months of fun, scandal, and bliss. When we were together things flowed so smoothly, we learned each other in every way, and tried to trust one another with our deep secrets, though I'm not sure when I decided I was okay with that. We hid behind closed doors and didn't share our happiness with others outside, no one knew how happy we were, maybe we didn't even know it.
It was a once in a lifetime thing for me. To meet some stranger and end up falling for him, tripping over myself to make things work, at least for a while. The smile, I loved that smile, there was nothing I wouldn't do to get one of those smiles. I remember exposing the deepest parts of me because he said it would make him happy, and maybe it did, but it opened wounds for me, and there was no way to close them back. And with each reopened wound I pulled back, I felt attacked, and I began to question what was happening here. Sure, I loved him, but was that enough? I had to hide him from my family, my friends, and all the others in my life I cared about, and he hid me too, I had a hard time with that.
I know I'm not perfect, and I know I've made a lot of bad choices in my life, but I don't regret him... not at all. I learned a new appreciation for things in life that never mattered before. I will never forget the way he reminded me to dream, and to never give up on those dreams. I think back on a conversation we had once about living a normal life and working that nine-to-five job, and how it tends to take dreams away from people, and I remember arguing with him over that, I took it personally. Sure, I had dreams, and sure I worked a steady job (or two), but I didn't see where what I did for a living affected who I was or how I thought. He said all the people he knew working their steady jobs were miserable and he spoke of how he could never be one of those people. I understood him, but just couldn't be persuaded to think his way.
The smile slowly began to fade. I could tell he was no longer happy with me. Maybe he loved me, maybe he didn't, he never did tell me. I knew I needed to walk away, for his sake, and mine. I loved him, of that I have no doubt. We met for coffee, a kiss for hello, two for goodbye. I smiled the whole time, laughed instead of crying and waited for him to get on the bus before I let my guard down. He'd agreed to walk away, he'd agreed to walk out of my life and into someone elses. He agreed to make someone else smile this time. The lasting image of him in my mind was that wave goodbye through the glass of the public bus, and that gentle smile.
A smile. That's how it started, and that's how it ended. Bright eyes, long lashes, and amazing hair, yeah you know that type... that was him. Did I fall in love at first sight? I don't know, but thinking back I know I did love him. Meeting one late night in a small commercial coffee shop this one chance night turned into several months of fun, scandal, and bliss. When we were together things flowed so smoothly, we learned each other in every way, and tried to trust one another with our deep secrets, though I'm not sure when I decided I was okay with that. We hid behind closed doors and didn't share our happiness with others outside, no one knew how happy we were, maybe we didn't even know it.
It was a once in a lifetime thing for me. To meet some stranger and end up falling for him, tripping over myself to make things work, at least for a while. The smile, I loved that smile, there was nothing I wouldn't do to get one of those smiles. I remember exposing the deepest parts of me because he said it would make him happy, and maybe it did, but it opened wounds for me, and there was no way to close them back. And with each reopened wound I pulled back, I felt attacked, and I began to question what was happening here. Sure, I loved him, but was that enough? I had to hide him from my family, my friends, and all the others in my life I cared about, and he hid me too, I had a hard time with that.
I know I'm not perfect, and I know I've made a lot of bad choices in my life, but I don't regret him... not at all. I learned a new appreciation for things in life that never mattered before. I will never forget the way he reminded me to dream, and to never give up on those dreams. I think back on a conversation we had once about living a normal life and working that nine-to-five job, and how it tends to take dreams away from people, and I remember arguing with him over that, I took it personally. Sure, I had dreams, and sure I worked a steady job (or two), but I didn't see where what I did for a living affected who I was or how I thought. He said all the people he knew working their steady jobs were miserable and he spoke of how he could never be one of those people. I understood him, but just couldn't be persuaded to think his way.
The smile slowly began to fade. I could tell he was no longer happy with me. Maybe he loved me, maybe he didn't, he never did tell me. I knew I needed to walk away, for his sake, and mine. I loved him, of that I have no doubt. We met for coffee, a kiss for hello, two for goodbye. I smiled the whole time, laughed instead of crying and waited for him to get on the bus before I let my guard down. He'd agreed to walk away, he'd agreed to walk out of my life and into someone elses. He agreed to make someone else smile this time. The lasting image of him in my mind was that wave goodbye through the glass of the public bus, and that gentle smile.