late night thinking
People have always asked me what my biggest fear was, and I've never actually admitted it to anyone before. But here goes... to be forgotten.
Being the youngest of five children, I wasn't really very special. Anything I did, someone had always done before me. I never really felt like I fit in and I always thought that one day everyone else would realize that and just leave me behind. In most things I did, Sarah did too, or first, and she was the one who got all the attention for everything. I was always left out, and I thought that things had changed and that I had found a place to be me.
Why is it that everytime I feel like things are going well, something gets in the way? The summer was going good for a while, I was hanging out with Angelina a lot and I was having fun with the college crowd all the time. But now it seems like I'm missing something, like I'm out of the loop somehow. Angelina, who was supposed to be my best friend, isn't even talking to me. And lately when we get together everyone tells stories about things that happened the last time they all hung out and saying, "You should have been there Mary!" Well maybe I would have been you all hadn't forgotten to invite me. And tomorrow, Nic is moving back to school. I asked if they wanted some company, I thought it would be fun to be back there since I'm not moving in till Sunday. If there wasn't room, that was ok, I understand that. But tonight I found out that Abi, Jenni, and Gary were all invited to go. Now not that I mind that Gary hangs out with everyone because I don't. I love hanging out with Gary. But it seems to me that he's always there when people are hanging out, even when everyone conveniently forgets to invite me. I introduced Gary and Justin to everyone, to MY friends. But somehow the lines got crossed and it seems like now it's me hanging out with Gary's friends.
Now don't you all go taking this the wrong way, I love you all and I wouldn't want to give up the friendships I have with you for anything. But growing up I was ALWAYS forgotten about. By my brothers and sisters, my parents, aunts and uncles. And most of all by my friends. I have never been the first one someone calls when they want to get together or hang out... I'm always invited by chance. I didn't think I would feel that way with you. But I do right now.
My biggest fear is to be forgotten. Please don't leave me behind this time.
Being the youngest of five children, I wasn't really very special. Anything I did, someone had always done before me. I never really felt like I fit in and I always thought that one day everyone else would realize that and just leave me behind. In most things I did, Sarah did too, or first, and she was the one who got all the attention for everything. I was always left out, and I thought that things had changed and that I had found a place to be me.
Why is it that everytime I feel like things are going well, something gets in the way? The summer was going good for a while, I was hanging out with Angelina a lot and I was having fun with the college crowd all the time. But now it seems like I'm missing something, like I'm out of the loop somehow. Angelina, who was supposed to be my best friend, isn't even talking to me. And lately when we get together everyone tells stories about things that happened the last time they all hung out and saying, "You should have been there Mary!" Well maybe I would have been you all hadn't forgotten to invite me. And tomorrow, Nic is moving back to school. I asked if they wanted some company, I thought it would be fun to be back there since I'm not moving in till Sunday. If there wasn't room, that was ok, I understand that. But tonight I found out that Abi, Jenni, and Gary were all invited to go. Now not that I mind that Gary hangs out with everyone because I don't. I love hanging out with Gary. But it seems to me that he's always there when people are hanging out, even when everyone conveniently forgets to invite me. I introduced Gary and Justin to everyone, to MY friends. But somehow the lines got crossed and it seems like now it's me hanging out with Gary's friends.
Now don't you all go taking this the wrong way, I love you all and I wouldn't want to give up the friendships I have with you for anything. But growing up I was ALWAYS forgotten about. By my brothers and sisters, my parents, aunts and uncles. And most of all by my friends. I have never been the first one someone calls when they want to get together or hang out... I'm always invited by chance. I didn't think I would feel that way with you. But I do right now.
My biggest fear is to be forgotten. Please don't leave me behind this time.