(no subject)
I believe I have finally admitted the one thing that has been holding me back for nearly a year.
He asked me what he has done to drive me away and all I can think is that, he doesn't love me.
He has told me that he doesn't and that he probably wouldn't for a long time and yet for some reason I have wanted nothing more than for him to love me back.
But today as he walked out of the room, looked at me and asked "I know, you hate me."
It dawned on me and all I could say was this.
"I don't hate you....I'd have to love you in order to hate you."
I don't love him.
I never have.
I was so wrapped up in this idea of a serious relationship that I allowed myself to lie.
But I know now, I never loved him because I knew he wouldn't love me back.
And what serious, working, happy relationship is going to last if you won't love them?
Not ours.
He asked me what he has done to drive me away and all I can think is that, he doesn't love me.
He has told me that he doesn't and that he probably wouldn't for a long time and yet for some reason I have wanted nothing more than for him to love me back.
But today as he walked out of the room, looked at me and asked "I know, you hate me."
It dawned on me and all I could say was this.
"I don't hate you....I'd have to love you in order to hate you."
I don't love him.
I never have.
I was so wrapped up in this idea of a serious relationship that I allowed myself to lie.
But I know now, I never loved him because I knew he wouldn't love me back.
And what serious, working, happy relationship is going to last if you won't love them?
Not ours.