You would kill for this (Just a little bit)
It's been a long while. School is so
hard; and not even the fact that the classes themselves are hard.
School is just hard to do. It's hard to adjust. The beginnings of
school sonsist with everyone walking around in a haze. Going to class.
Sharing your germs. Realizing that what you were misssing all summer.
Realizing that it kinda sucks. But then there are little things that
fall into your lap when you least expect it.
I got accepted to be in NAHS today. And God knows how bad I've wanted that; but some things you keep to yourself. With all this talk of junior year being so damn important, all it can do for that is help my chances of college acceptance greatly. I love art. I love to draw. Being in Fullam's class always reminds me of how much I like it. How much I like the atmosphere. The people are amazing artists. They know it too, but they also don't care. And thats thebest part. Nonchalant. Easy-going. Laid back. Everyone just has this understanding that we're all in this because we love it. AAS is amazing, although it was drving me crazy. How can anyone draw twenty different pictures of apples in a week on top of everythinf else we had to do? Seriously.
Ever since I've dropped Spanish I've had an open period 5. I stay in Fullam's room. This is where I've met the famous Ian Clement. He hangs out in there too with me. And let me tell you, that kid is a fuckin' genius when it comes to art. Except he doesn't act like it. It only shows up in his pictures. He starts from one point in the picture and just works out. He was drawing Tom Cruise the other day and he says to me; "Do you like it? Do you think it looks like him?" Honestly. It looked exactly like him. He told me about this art school he wants to get into, so he's working to draw more realistic pictures. If thats what all those colleges are looking for, I'm dead. I need to step up my game.
Drama. That's another thing I've missed from being home all summer long. But, it doesn't bother me so much anymore. Just surprises me I guess. I hear things and I'm surprised by how much I hear. I'm surprised that I probably used to spread things all the time like that. I just am done with that. Everyone has their own shit to deal with, and they deal with it how they may. We don't need all this extra BS floating around. I really think you can't say something until you've been in the situation or been in the shoes. I've met so many new people the end of the summer/beginning of school. I love soccer. I love Shaw's. I've made so many new friends and who the hell cares about where they've come from, what they've done, who they're with, or whatever else. They sure don't. I've got new druggie friends, preppy firends, rebellious friends, emo friends, wicked-funny-amazing people all of them. And I'm sorry that I've been insincere at times. I love you all. So much. And I love the diversity. I love it.
I saw Miah today. For the first time since last year, and that kid is my NEIGHBOR. Goodness, he's wicked tall. But anyway- he's sitting on the curb after practice and I look at him. Ask him if he needs a ride. "Actually, that would be good" Haha. So he points out my car "The one that sticks out like a sore thumb?" and I bring the kid home. He's a good guy. He made varsity this year and he's a sophomore. Ehhh, those younger kids...
Coach is someone I look up to and see eye to eye with now. I am a captain. I love the responsibility. I never thought I would like taking charge, but I do. The girls look up to me, and I help them the best I can. I treat them as individuals and I'm trying so hard to be that 'good captain'. I want them all to focus, and I want them all to know that I am a good kid too. On the soccer field I am someone totally different than I am off the field. Soccer is an adrenaline rush when you do it right. I love it. I love the intensity, the focus, the attitude, the swing of it all when we're all working together and it's working. And we're a team. Yesterday was tough. I was angry, I was upset. I was truly upset with the team. I 've never felt like that before either. I looked at Coach and I knew he felt the same. I talked to him. I stood on the sideline icing my neck and watching them score three goals. I was upset. I was so disappointed. I felt frustrated. Our girls weren't focusing. No one was where they needed to be. Nobody was there. I had an amazing foot that day. I really did. And nobody was there to catch the pass. I had to come out after I took two girls on all alone and went down on my neck wrong. I told Jess that she needed to talk. I looked her in the eye and said, "You understand that you are the leader out there? You understand that you need to talk to all those girls? That you need to watch the plays? That you control the plays? That you yell at our girls if need be?" She looked right back at me and said, "Yes, I've got it, I can do it". Poor kid. She let three get past her. She didn't do it. Coach looks at me and says, " Go in there and get them playng soccer".
Finney calls me over today. He's moving me up to varsity. Only for a practice and a game. I am so nervous. It's beyond anything. I feel like I've got something to prove to him after what happened the beginning of the year. He never looks happy around me anymore. Maybe thats because he knows that I see right through him.
But I know I can play with these girls. I am at their level. I am beyond some of them. I honestly feel like that. I've got both varsity captains on my side. They know me. They knwo I can do this. I can handle it. It's just so nerve-racking. I get a jersey and everything. Holy shit. I have to step it up. .But everyone knows it. I deserve this. I'm getting recognized for something I should have a long time ago. I deserve it. I really do.
So I guess in short, everything's been so crazy. I'm getting all this handed to me. Things are looking okay? Things are looking stressful and I'm just here. Just dealing. So confused, so mixed up?
It helps to get it all out.
I got accepted to be in NAHS today. And God knows how bad I've wanted that; but some things you keep to yourself. With all this talk of junior year being so damn important, all it can do for that is help my chances of college acceptance greatly. I love art. I love to draw. Being in Fullam's class always reminds me of how much I like it. How much I like the atmosphere. The people are amazing artists. They know it too, but they also don't care. And thats thebest part. Nonchalant. Easy-going. Laid back. Everyone just has this understanding that we're all in this because we love it. AAS is amazing, although it was drving me crazy. How can anyone draw twenty different pictures of apples in a week on top of everythinf else we had to do? Seriously.
Ever since I've dropped Spanish I've had an open period 5. I stay in Fullam's room. This is where I've met the famous Ian Clement. He hangs out in there too with me. And let me tell you, that kid is a fuckin' genius when it comes to art. Except he doesn't act like it. It only shows up in his pictures. He starts from one point in the picture and just works out. He was drawing Tom Cruise the other day and he says to me; "Do you like it? Do you think it looks like him?" Honestly. It looked exactly like him. He told me about this art school he wants to get into, so he's working to draw more realistic pictures. If thats what all those colleges are looking for, I'm dead. I need to step up my game.
Drama. That's another thing I've missed from being home all summer long. But, it doesn't bother me so much anymore. Just surprises me I guess. I hear things and I'm surprised by how much I hear. I'm surprised that I probably used to spread things all the time like that. I just am done with that. Everyone has their own shit to deal with, and they deal with it how they may. We don't need all this extra BS floating around. I really think you can't say something until you've been in the situation or been in the shoes. I've met so many new people the end of the summer/beginning of school. I love soccer. I love Shaw's. I've made so many new friends and who the hell cares about where they've come from, what they've done, who they're with, or whatever else. They sure don't. I've got new druggie friends, preppy firends, rebellious friends, emo friends, wicked-funny-amazing people all of them. And I'm sorry that I've been insincere at times. I love you all. So much. And I love the diversity. I love it.
I saw Miah today. For the first time since last year, and that kid is my NEIGHBOR. Goodness, he's wicked tall. But anyway- he's sitting on the curb after practice and I look at him. Ask him if he needs a ride. "Actually, that would be good" Haha. So he points out my car "The one that sticks out like a sore thumb?" and I bring the kid home. He's a good guy. He made varsity this year and he's a sophomore. Ehhh, those younger kids...
Coach is someone I look up to and see eye to eye with now. I am a captain. I love the responsibility. I never thought I would like taking charge, but I do. The girls look up to me, and I help them the best I can. I treat them as individuals and I'm trying so hard to be that 'good captain'. I want them all to focus, and I want them all to know that I am a good kid too. On the soccer field I am someone totally different than I am off the field. Soccer is an adrenaline rush when you do it right. I love it. I love the intensity, the focus, the attitude, the swing of it all when we're all working together and it's working. And we're a team. Yesterday was tough. I was angry, I was upset. I was truly upset with the team. I 've never felt like that before either. I looked at Coach and I knew he felt the same. I talked to him. I stood on the sideline icing my neck and watching them score three goals. I was upset. I was so disappointed. I felt frustrated. Our girls weren't focusing. No one was where they needed to be. Nobody was there. I had an amazing foot that day. I really did. And nobody was there to catch the pass. I had to come out after I took two girls on all alone and went down on my neck wrong. I told Jess that she needed to talk. I looked her in the eye and said, "You understand that you are the leader out there? You understand that you need to talk to all those girls? That you need to watch the plays? That you control the plays? That you yell at our girls if need be?" She looked right back at me and said, "Yes, I've got it, I can do it". Poor kid. She let three get past her. She didn't do it. Coach looks at me and says, " Go in there and get them playng soccer".
Finney calls me over today. He's moving me up to varsity. Only for a practice and a game. I am so nervous. It's beyond anything. I feel like I've got something to prove to him after what happened the beginning of the year. He never looks happy around me anymore. Maybe thats because he knows that I see right through him.
But I know I can play with these girls. I am at their level. I am beyond some of them. I honestly feel like that. I've got both varsity captains on my side. They know me. They knwo I can do this. I can handle it. It's just so nerve-racking. I get a jersey and everything. Holy shit. I have to step it up. .But everyone knows it. I deserve this. I'm getting recognized for something I should have a long time ago. I deserve it. I really do.
So I guess in short, everything's been so crazy. I'm getting all this handed to me. Things are looking okay? Things are looking stressful and I'm just here. Just dealing. So confused, so mixed up?
It helps to get it all out.