Don't take this shit the wrong way.
For the past few weeks now my mom has been so rude. I can't quite figure out what I've done to be treated like such shit, but it's getting old. I'll ask a question and before I can even get it out of my mouth, I'm being yelled at. I just don't get it. She said she was tired of dealing with me. Well excuse me that you have to deal with your daughter.
My birthday is in two months. I'll be 16, finally. But I just have a feeling like she's not going to be celebrating the fact that I was born. And I'm not even saying this in a emo way. I just feel like it's my fault that my family isn't together. Like, my dad quit his job a week before I was born, and then they got a divorce when I was 5 months. I truly belive like it was my fault. They were fine when my brother was there. Maybe that's why he's been the one that's been treated so well. I don't know. I don't understand it. And what have I even done with these 16 years? I have nothing to be proud of. I've never once heard from anyone that they were proud of me. I haven't accomplished anything. Not to say that I never will, but I'm not getting support to do things I actually do think that I can do. There's no other way to discribe it other than it sucks.
Like, I can't even get C's in all of my classes. I don't want to get out of high school and not be able to do things that I want. Get a good job. Get a nice house. Be happy. I'm being told everyday that I can't get these things. I'm being told I failed. No, I didn't fucking fail.
I didn't fail.
My grades might be failing. But don't tell me that I failed. This isn't like, a new thing, I've been told this since 6th grade. But maybe that's it. I honestly have just stopped believing in my capabilities. And Why? Because someone else has told me that I can't succeed? That's fucking bullshit. When I got my progress report I had an A- in English and a B in Econ. She didn't mention the fact that I clearly passed those. She went on and on about how I'll never graduate because I can't pass math. What's the point in doing well in something just to be told I still won't be able to succeed? And who is she to tell me that? I just don't get this, and I honestly feel like shit.
Am I really a bad person?
Maybe I do need to get my shit together.
Or maybe I just need to get a backbone and next time tell her to fuck off and encourage me for god damn once.
My birthday is in two months. I'll be 16, finally. But I just have a feeling like she's not going to be celebrating the fact that I was born. And I'm not even saying this in a emo way. I just feel like it's my fault that my family isn't together. Like, my dad quit his job a week before I was born, and then they got a divorce when I was 5 months. I truly belive like it was my fault. They were fine when my brother was there. Maybe that's why he's been the one that's been treated so well. I don't know. I don't understand it. And what have I even done with these 16 years? I have nothing to be proud of. I've never once heard from anyone that they were proud of me. I haven't accomplished anything. Not to say that I never will, but I'm not getting support to do things I actually do think that I can do. There's no other way to discribe it other than it sucks.
Like, I can't even get C's in all of my classes. I don't want to get out of high school and not be able to do things that I want. Get a good job. Get a nice house. Be happy. I'm being told everyday that I can't get these things. I'm being told I failed. No, I didn't fucking fail.
I didn't fail.
My grades might be failing. But don't tell me that I failed. This isn't like, a new thing, I've been told this since 6th grade. But maybe that's it. I honestly have just stopped believing in my capabilities. And Why? Because someone else has told me that I can't succeed? That's fucking bullshit. When I got my progress report I had an A- in English and a B in Econ. She didn't mention the fact that I clearly passed those. She went on and on about how I'll never graduate because I can't pass math. What's the point in doing well in something just to be told I still won't be able to succeed? And who is she to tell me that? I just don't get this, and I honestly feel like shit.
Am I really a bad person?
Maybe I do need to get my shit together.
Or maybe I just need to get a backbone and next time tell her to fuck off and encourage me for god damn once.