LAME

[lovemeimphil]

2006 huh? I guess I could go on about my new year's resolution(s) or my plans for the next twelve months, but the truth is that I believe resolutions are for suckers. If you need a date to make changes in your life, to improve upon your current condition, then how much are you really improving or changing at all? I put my life under the microscope on a weekly, sometimes even daily basis. I assess what progress I've made at what mistakes I can correct. I am, in ways, my own psychiatrist. Now I know that there are certain aspects of my personality that I could not possibly see, faults that could slip through the cracks of my ever intensive self-criticisms. Those are not the ones I fear the most, it's the ones that I am aware of but do nothing to resolve. I find myself gasping at my own inequity at times, struggling to come to grips with my utter lack of strength and courage. Half of the time I can be a cocky S.O.B. but the other half, those are the times when my self-esteem is so low that it scares me. Improvement is not a one-time thing, it takes daily effort and sacrifice. Perserverance is highly under-rated. There are many things I want to accomplish, goals that I have set for myself years before the present time. What I lack is the dedication to follow through. I can't describe how easily I get thrown off track, how easily I stray from the course I set before me. I try to rationalize and tell myself that life just has too much to offer me. I feel like I'm not taking advantage of my circumstances or the blessings I've been dealt. I am a fool, most of the time, but I do have my shining moments. It just so happens that usually noone notices, but I like it that way. The silent heroes usually make the most impact.

So, I guess my whole point was just to say that this year will most likely not offer me anything the years before haven't. I just need to stay the course. Come on everybody, drink up...I'm buying us all a round of happy endings.

Be easy my babies. Be easy.