Those are not the words I wanted to hear...
A lot can change in just one day. Twenty-four hours ago I was happy, I hadn't felt a joy like that in my heart for quite some time. But to be honest, I'm not surprised that it lasted for as long as it did. The thing is, it never happens that I would fall for a horrible girl. She is not evil and deceitful, nor is she aloof and without passion. In fact, she is all the things that any guy could want. That is what I saw in her, why I fell so hard for her.
But to what length can my heart be stretched before it tears apart?
I'll tell you.
All it ever takes is for me to know that everything I am isn't good enough. That who I am, the things I have done, the things I can be cannot make you love me. You would openly admire me, tell me how you are amazed at every encounter, and even then I know that your heart is not on fire like mine is. And after hours of reflection, wondering what it is about me that turns you away, I realized the heartbreaking truth:
I'm just me. A quiet, conservative, korean-american guy. Nothing more, nothing less.
In such a situation, one looks back at what could have possibly gone wrong. What changed in the passing hours between the best moment of my life, to the worst? Sadly, it was only a kiss. Or kisses upon kisses that failed to win you over. It could be that I'm bad at it. After all, I can count the number of girls I've kissed on one hand, the last girl being over 4 years ago. But I've never kissed a girl like I kissed you. I never meant it as much as I did that night. The only thing is, it didn't make you smile. It didn't make you want to jump for joy like I did. It seemed to weigh down on you like a load of bricks, making it hard for you to walk the short distance from my car to your house. I was just waiting for yesterday to happen...the terrible letdown.
Perhaps, if I had been able to curb my desire for you, we'd be fine with life. You wouldn't feel so guilty and I'd only have a healthy crush on you. Both of us would be ok. But it's not ok, and we're not ok. And here, though my voice has been quiet until now, I let my anger shine through. Did you know that my biggest fear, the one thought I could never tell you because I knew that it would be unfair for me to burden you with such a thing, is that you would never love me the way that you loved him?
I was right. And that is why I think you refuse to give your heart completely to me.
So, there's this space between us now. Not out of hate or malice, but because I need it...I think we both need it. Until I can look at another girl and not hate her for being the next one to break my heart, until I can find a way to believe that love will find its way to me, I will retreat to tend to my wounds and hope that the days will move along swiftly.
Oh, heart of mine, do not let me down.
e.h.y.
But to what length can my heart be stretched before it tears apart?
I'll tell you.
All it ever takes is for me to know that everything I am isn't good enough. That who I am, the things I have done, the things I can be cannot make you love me. You would openly admire me, tell me how you are amazed at every encounter, and even then I know that your heart is not on fire like mine is. And after hours of reflection, wondering what it is about me that turns you away, I realized the heartbreaking truth:
I'm just me. A quiet, conservative, korean-american guy. Nothing more, nothing less.
In such a situation, one looks back at what could have possibly gone wrong. What changed in the passing hours between the best moment of my life, to the worst? Sadly, it was only a kiss. Or kisses upon kisses that failed to win you over. It could be that I'm bad at it. After all, I can count the number of girls I've kissed on one hand, the last girl being over 4 years ago. But I've never kissed a girl like I kissed you. I never meant it as much as I did that night. The only thing is, it didn't make you smile. It didn't make you want to jump for joy like I did. It seemed to weigh down on you like a load of bricks, making it hard for you to walk the short distance from my car to your house. I was just waiting for yesterday to happen...the terrible letdown.
Perhaps, if I had been able to curb my desire for you, we'd be fine with life. You wouldn't feel so guilty and I'd only have a healthy crush on you. Both of us would be ok. But it's not ok, and we're not ok. And here, though my voice has been quiet until now, I let my anger shine through. Did you know that my biggest fear, the one thought I could never tell you because I knew that it would be unfair for me to burden you with such a thing, is that you would never love me the way that you loved him?
I was right. And that is why I think you refuse to give your heart completely to me.
So, there's this space between us now. Not out of hate or malice, but because I need it...I think we both need it. Until I can look at another girl and not hate her for being the next one to break my heart, until I can find a way to believe that love will find its way to me, I will retreat to tend to my wounds and hope that the days will move along swiftly.
Oh, heart of mine, do not let me down.
e.h.y.