Fanfic: Best I Ever Had 1/?
Title: Best I Ever Had 1/?
Pairing: Callie/Erica
Rating: PG at the moment.
Summary: It's been two months since Callie has seen Erica and Callie has realized just how much she misses her.
Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy and all of it's character's within belong to ABC and Shonda Rhimes, sadly.
A/N: Well, this is my second attempt at writing fic. I don't really think I'm that great, but I'm feeling creative and thought I'd take a shot at it. I was listening to music, and the idea just sort of came into my head. I've pasted the lyrics and songs that really led me to writing this. They played in a row, and I immediately thought about Callica.
A/N 2: Any feedback is greatly appreciated. If you have ideas of how I could improve, I'd love to hear from you. I'm definitely feeling nervous about the dialogue, because it's definitely not my strong point, and there's a lot of it in this chapter so.. I hope it's not too bad.
Now I know I messed up bad
You were the best I ever had
I let you down in the worst way
It hurts me every single day
I'm dying to let you know
Now I'm here to say I'm sorry
And ask for a second chance
Cause when it all comes down to the end
I could sure use a friend
So many things I would take back
You were the best I ever had
I don't blame you for hating me
I didn't mean to make you leave
...
Now I'm here to say I'm sorry
And ask for a second chance
Cause when it all comes down to the end
I could sure use a friend
Now I'm here to say I'm sorry
And ask for a second chance
All I want to do is make it up to you
Cause when it all comes down to the end
You were the best I ever had
We fell in love for a reason
Now you're leaving
And I just want you back
So many things we believed in
Now you're leaving and words won't bring you back
I'll never let go of the heart I broke
...
I can't believe that I threw away all our dreams
I can't believe now that you're gone how much you mean to me
I feel so bad, I feel so bad
You were the best I ever had
I can't believe that I threw away all our dreams
I can't believe now that you're gone how much you mean to me
I feel so bad, I feel so bad
You were,
You were the best I ever had
Here's a link to the music video if you're interested in hearing the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkAcgInHMU0 It has to do with suicide, actually, so just a warning if you don't want to watch that sort of thing.
Also check out: Here by Me - 3 Doors Down and Just Hold Me- Maria Mena.
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I took a deep breath and began walking across the street. I could only think of one other time I had been this nervous to take my daily walk to the hospital. That day was about 3 months ago, it was my first day back at work since I had shared that kiss with Erica outside the hospital. Funny how both times it took an extra push to walk past that bench, my feelings had to do with Erica. Dr. Erica Hahn, the best friend I had ever known, and the reason my eyes were red and swollen. She’s the reason I haven’t bothered wearing make up for the past 2 months.
Two months ago today, Erica walked away from me, from us. That night, I was too frozen to chase after her, so full of my own pride to admit that I was wrong, and angry that she had told me I couldn't be kind of a lesbian. Truth be told, I was still hurt by that comment. I could be kind of a lesbian, I could be confused about my sexuality but none of that mattered at the moment. What did matter, was that I hadn’t seen my best friend in 2 months, and although it took her walking away for me to notice it, I had lost the woman I loved. It didn’t matter that she was a woman, it didn’t matter that I didn’t see leaves right away like she did, I knew I loved her. A failed attempt at a relationship, and months of crying were a big hint that I loved her. I missed her, and I needed her.
My thoughts were interrupted, “Hey, Cal. How are you?” It was Mark. Mark had been there for me the last two months and it meant the world to me, even though I wouldn’t admit that to him.
“Hey Mark, I’m.. alright, I guess. How about you? Things with Lexie?”
“I’m fine, just.. A little worried about you, is all. You sure you’re fine today? I mean, I know what this day is… Even if I seem like less of a man for knowing these things, I keep track.”
“Really, Mark? Hah, but… I don’t know how I am. Catch me at lunch and we’ll talk about it? Unless you’ve got a date or something.”
“Nah, Lexie has her day off today, so no lunch plans. I’ll see you then.”
I watched Mark walk away and made my way to the locker room to change into my scrubs. I was passing the Nurse’s station when I spotted Arizona.
“Hey, Calliope, how are things? Good, I hope! …Hey listen, if you need to call me tonight to talk about anything, I’m free! Or if you want to grab a bite to eat, that would be super.”
“Hey, Ari. Seems like everyone’s trying to get my mind off what today is. It’s not like she died.. Or that it’s been a year or anything. It’s just a normal day, but.. Thanks, I appreciate the offer.”
“Cal, I know what this day means, and I know you still miss her. I know the feeling, like I told you, my first was like this too. I was so in love, then she just left. So, I know what this is. I know things didn’t work out between us, but our friendship has been really, really great so far. I care about you, you know. I just want the best. Remember to call me if you want, okay?”
“Yeah, thanks. See you later.”
My friendship with Arizona was great, and my short relationship with her helped me in a lot of ways. I started walking tall again, and she helped me realize what Erica meant to me. We spent hours just talking and she has really become one of my closest friends. She understood that I wasn’t over Erica and shared her own personal experiences and the story of her first love, which ended in a similar way to my relationship with Erica. Even though my relationship with her wasn’t what either one of us expected when she finally agreed to go on a date with me, she cared about me in that friend-who-knows-too-much-about-you way.
I went to my locker and quickly changed into my scrubs, then started rounds. After dealing with a few patients I checked the time and realized that it was almost time to meet Mark for lunch. I quickly finished up with my patient and made my way to the cafeteria where I quickly spotted Mark who was sitting with Derek. They both glanced at me then finished talking, as Derek started walking away I sat down across the table from Mark.
“What was that?”
“What, Derek? Oh, nothing, he’s just freaking out about Meredith. Boring, if you ask me. But you, how are you?”
“Good, I guess, yeah, good.”
“Seriously, Cal. How are you?”
“You mean about the Erica thing? I’m not okay, Mark. You know, I’m not. I thought I was for a while, but I’m not. I miss her so much and I would do anything to get her back.” I paused and thought to myself. Laughing I added, “Not that she would take me back. I was such an idiot, and I was horrible to her, she would never take me back. I’m sure she’s over me… so I should just stop thinking about her.”
“That’s what I’ve been waiting to hear!” He must have seen my confused expression, because he continued. “Callie, I think you’re the last one on Earth to realize you’re not okay with this. Alright Cal, I doubt she’s over you. Come on you’re… You. People don’t just get over you quickly. Except for O’Malley, but he doesn’t count.”
“Thanks for bringing that up. You suck at this whole cheering people up thing.”
“I wasn’t finished. Callie, I doubt Erica’s over you but what I think isn’t going to help much. You need to hear this from her. You loved her right? Well I think it was pretty obvious that she loved you too, and I don’t think she would get over you in a few months. Come on, she may have been Attila the Hahn around the hospital, but you knew her best and from what I saw, she must have been a little softie on the inside. So, there’s no way she’s over you.”
“Mark, stop!” I could feel the wet, hot tears building up in my eyes and my vision became blurry. “Yeah, yeah I loved Erica, but you know what? You don’t know anything! She can’t still love me, and you can’t prove that she does.” At this point, the tears starting rolling down my cheeks. I started full out sobbing in the middle of the cafeteria and people were staring. This was all stupid Mark Sloan’s fault. I was making a huge fool out of myself because of him, and Erica Hahn. The gorgeous and amazing Erica Hahn who just walked away from me. The Erica Hahn with those beautiful deep blue eyes I had been deprived of seeing for months. Suddenly I felt to masculine arms wrap around me.
“Cal, shhh.” He was interrupted by his pager loudly beeping.
“Shit, I have to go but I have an idea. Listen, can you meet me and Arizona after your shift ends?”
Still wrapped in his embrace, I replied, “What? Yeah, why?”
“You’ll find out. Just promise me. I’m sorry I have to leave. How about you go to an on-call room and take a nap until you get paged. I’ll see you tonight.”
“Yeah, see you.”
As Mark took off sprinting out of the cafeteria, I tried to discreetly wipe up my tears and get a hold of myself. I had no idea what Mark was up to, and now I was nervous but I trusted him. He wouldn’t do anything stupid, would he?