I'm So Worthless
Yesterday I was at the Jackson Fair from 12-10:30. There were fun points, but throughout the day I kept getting upset. I should of just told them how I felt, but instead I kept it all inside. I don't like sharing my feelings and I also don't like arguging. I HATE arguing. So throughout the day I was silent and I just looked away from everybody most of the time. It killed. But sometimes I think thats best. Josh would occasionally hold me but when I was unhappy I would push him away. Other times I just gave in because I love being held by him. But I'm over all that now.
Today my mom and I just got back from dropping my brother off at work cause my mommy needed the car later.
So after we droppped him off, we ran into Khols. Which is where he works. Then we went to Meijers.
I drove him. Then when we got home I was asking my dad about buying a pair of running shoes because I am in Cross Country and I need them. The cheapest ones we found were $40.00 plus tax. So when we got home I asked my dad about it. He basically said that since I am not a good runner that I dont need a pair of runnning shoes and that I should stick with my old, un comfortable pair of regular tennis shoes. He wont spend any money on me because I am not as good as my sister. Which hurts and pisses me off. I AM TRYING AS HARD AS I FRIGGEN CAN! Running is not an easy sport. It is a lot harder then it looks and I am never going to be as fast as Cayla. At least I am trying. But that doesnt matter to my dad. Of course I am never good enough for anything in his eyes. He's always telling me that he doesnt think I am smart enough to go to JCC. Or any college is this matter. He always thinks I'm a failure. Well I'm not. And I have faith in my friggen self. And I am so sick of hearing all the negatives about me from my dad. He never builds me up. I'm so worthless.
Today my mom and I just got back from dropping my brother off at work cause my mommy needed the car later.
So after we droppped him off, we ran into Khols. Which is where he works. Then we went to Meijers.
I drove him. Then when we got home I was asking my dad about buying a pair of running shoes because I am in Cross Country and I need them. The cheapest ones we found were $40.00 plus tax. So when we got home I asked my dad about it. He basically said that since I am not a good runner that I dont need a pair of runnning shoes and that I should stick with my old, un comfortable pair of regular tennis shoes. He wont spend any money on me because I am not as good as my sister. Which hurts and pisses me off. I AM TRYING AS HARD AS I FRIGGEN CAN! Running is not an easy sport. It is a lot harder then it looks and I am never going to be as fast as Cayla. At least I am trying. But that doesnt matter to my dad. Of course I am never good enough for anything in his eyes. He's always telling me that he doesnt think I am smart enough to go to JCC. Or any college is this matter. He always thinks I'm a failure. Well I'm not. And I have faith in my friggen self. And I am so sick of hearing all the negatives about me from my dad. He never builds me up. I'm so worthless.