2 years
Two years of: waking up and going to school. studying like there's no tomorrow. having to sacrifice the possibilities of a social life because of school. having to sacrifice better jobs and better money because of school. crying over grades and arguing that it was the teacher's fault. sitting through 19 classes and 53 units. dissecting monkeys, frogs, Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness", word problems in statistics, and various other forms of literature, history, and film. Learning every part of the human brain and what it does. Learning every part of the Primate brain and what it does. Learning the measurements of every bone in the human, ape, prosimian, and monkey's bodies. Learning the names and focal points of every bone and muscle in the Primate anatomy. Blood typing, gender typing, bone aging, DNA forensics, analytical literature, brain development, brain disorders, everything about the brain. Children's psychology. Neuro- psychology. Evolutionary Psychology. Even computer science psychology. listening to 36/45/60/65 year-olds talking about the same thing they've been talking about for years and saying that it's "really very easy", but it's not to us because it's our first time having to memorize the cranial and postcranial anatomy of the Wide-eyed Marmoset indegenous to South Africa since 30 million years ago and why it is debated whether it is a Prosimian or an Anthropoid. Having to learn what a prosimian and an anthropoid are. Having to learn the difference between a Wide-eyed marmoset and a marmoset (It's not that one as wide eyes and one doesn't, btw). Having to sit through documentaries about why "Citizen Kane" is said to be the best film ever created when you've never seen Citizen Kane. Having to sit in a 50 year old classroom that smells like feet for three hours watching documentaries about Citizen Kane when you've never seen Citizen Kane. Having to sit through a 50 year old class room that smells like feet with a broken air conditioning system watching documentaries about Citizen Kane (which I still haven't seen). Having to learn about race, gender, sexuality, humanity, loyalty, animal instincts, reflexes in babys, monkeys, even dinosaurs. Filling up 3 200 paged, college ruled note books. 3 1-inch 3-ring binders. 17 blue books. 47 scantrons. 11 financial aid forms. 4 12-packs of mechanical pencils. 5 12-packs of ball point pens (in blue). Headaches, heartaches, backaches, handaches, entire body aches...... 2 years of all this.
Two. Years.
For what? Only to still be behind and find out that you're even more behind than you thought.
When will this end? When will I finally stop being the shame of my family? When will I finally live up to the expectations there are of me? When will I stop feeling inferior?
Please someone just save me. Tell me that the counselors are wrong. That the universities are wrong. I'm not behind. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm here.
Two. Years.
For what? Only to still be behind and find out that you're even more behind than you thought.
When will this end? When will I finally stop being the shame of my family? When will I finally live up to the expectations there are of me? When will I stop feeling inferior?
Please someone just save me. Tell me that the counselors are wrong. That the universities are wrong. I'm not behind. I'm there. I'm there. I'm there. I'm here.