(no subject)
How long it has been since I have used you! at all. But eff it. I need a place to vent. Maybe get some advice. Who knows, Ill write in it anyway.
I have a dillemma.
And here it goes.
I cant figure out what im doing right. I know, Who has that problem... EVER!!?!?
I had this boyfriend... scratch that... fiance, for 4 years. 4 years is a lot of time to invest in someone. I miss him. A lot. A very big lot. Hes one of the only people that GETS me. Even my best friend doesnt get me like he gets me. But thats a totally different story....
So, I moved away to be with him. We tried moving back together. He hated it. We had a lot of hard times in the last year... or so... of our relationship. He hated it and moved back. And I was frustrated and angry and.... A lot of things I guess, I dont want to get into why it happened exactly, but we broke up. And I couldnt handle it. I dont think I could handle it right now if we were together, but FUCK MAN, i miss the shitbrick. (Am I confusing you yet? Because im confusing myself.) Anyway, We broke up and... He was devastated. But I just couldnt do it. I just couldnt. He was far away, and I couldnt leave my family, and I couldnt handle the things he was saying... SO i broke up with him. And then, my dumbass tries to convince him I do not love him anymore.... because he was so upset, and It would be easier on him... blah blah blah. And it was easier on him. Up until the point that I told him I was lying and I really did still love him... but im getting ahead of myself. So I convince him that I do not love him, because I wanted both of our lives to be easier. And I meet this guy. This sweet... older... guy. and I like him a lot. I love him in fact, but in a different way than I loved my ex, if that makes any sense. And I go to visit him... and I love him even more. And before I went, I decided to tell my ex that I am still in love with him, because he cornered me into it, he knows me, he knew, he called my shit out.
UGH.
So, heres where we have a BIG problem, My ex has a girlfriend now, and his girlfriend is....
are you sitting down for this? because you should be.
PREGNANT.
Goood. Great. Grand. Wonderful....
So, at this point, I am just torn... and confused... and ugh. With a side of ugh...
But it gets better.
So this older man, he is so wishy washy that sometimes he just drives me completly insane. His kids refer to me as his girlfriend. He refers to me as his girlfriend... SOMETIMES. His brother and his brothers girlfriend both refer to me as his girlfriend. I dont know if it goes much past that. I hope it does, and im not really going to push the issue, because we havent been together (IF WE EVEN ARE!) for very long. AND... god. my life sucks. because theres an and. He has this ex, that he went to highschool with... They were highschool sweethearts. or something like that. And they broke up after highschool, because he went into the army. And he didnt talk to her for 14 years. Recently, they started talking again, and shes decided that she loves him. And hes decided that he still has feelings for her. And she wants to visit him. and shes married. and Im just confused about all of this. He told me all about it, which is a very good thing, because it shows that he does not want to lie to me about it... But he is fucking FOOLING himself if he thinks that it doesnt bug the living shit out of me. I just dont know what to do about it. Im scared of getting to invested and then getting hurt by it, but im scared that if i pull back im going to lose him.
But theres more!
I have TWO... not one, but count em TWO, guy friends who are now coming to me and telling me they love me. That they have FALLEN in love with me. So now I'm just SUPER confused. Thats FOUR guys. FOUR! who tell me they love me. Two of them every day.
So yes. I need to find out what Im doing right, and cut it the fuck out, because if another guy falls in love with me, I might just go batshit. Not that Im not ALREADY THERE ANYWAY.
w
t
f
d
o
i
d
o
?
I have a dillemma.
And here it goes.
I cant figure out what im doing right. I know, Who has that problem... EVER!!?!?
I had this boyfriend... scratch that... fiance, for 4 years. 4 years is a lot of time to invest in someone. I miss him. A lot. A very big lot. Hes one of the only people that GETS me. Even my best friend doesnt get me like he gets me. But thats a totally different story....
So, I moved away to be with him. We tried moving back together. He hated it. We had a lot of hard times in the last year... or so... of our relationship. He hated it and moved back. And I was frustrated and angry and.... A lot of things I guess, I dont want to get into why it happened exactly, but we broke up. And I couldnt handle it. I dont think I could handle it right now if we were together, but FUCK MAN, i miss the shitbrick. (Am I confusing you yet? Because im confusing myself.) Anyway, We broke up and... He was devastated. But I just couldnt do it. I just couldnt. He was far away, and I couldnt leave my family, and I couldnt handle the things he was saying... SO i broke up with him. And then, my dumbass tries to convince him I do not love him anymore.... because he was so upset, and It would be easier on him... blah blah blah. And it was easier on him. Up until the point that I told him I was lying and I really did still love him... but im getting ahead of myself. So I convince him that I do not love him, because I wanted both of our lives to be easier. And I meet this guy. This sweet... older... guy. and I like him a lot. I love him in fact, but in a different way than I loved my ex, if that makes any sense. And I go to visit him... and I love him even more. And before I went, I decided to tell my ex that I am still in love with him, because he cornered me into it, he knows me, he knew, he called my shit out.
UGH.
So, heres where we have a BIG problem, My ex has a girlfriend now, and his girlfriend is....
are you sitting down for this? because you should be.
PREGNANT.
Goood. Great. Grand. Wonderful....
So, at this point, I am just torn... and confused... and ugh. With a side of ugh...
But it gets better.
So this older man, he is so wishy washy that sometimes he just drives me completly insane. His kids refer to me as his girlfriend. He refers to me as his girlfriend... SOMETIMES. His brother and his brothers girlfriend both refer to me as his girlfriend. I dont know if it goes much past that. I hope it does, and im not really going to push the issue, because we havent been together (IF WE EVEN ARE!) for very long. AND... god. my life sucks. because theres an and. He has this ex, that he went to highschool with... They were highschool sweethearts. or something like that. And they broke up after highschool, because he went into the army. And he didnt talk to her for 14 years. Recently, they started talking again, and shes decided that she loves him. And hes decided that he still has feelings for her. And she wants to visit him. and shes married. and Im just confused about all of this. He told me all about it, which is a very good thing, because it shows that he does not want to lie to me about it... But he is fucking FOOLING himself if he thinks that it doesnt bug the living shit out of me. I just dont know what to do about it. Im scared of getting to invested and then getting hurt by it, but im scared that if i pull back im going to lose him.
But theres more!
I have TWO... not one, but count em TWO, guy friends who are now coming to me and telling me they love me. That they have FALLEN in love with me. So now I'm just SUPER confused. Thats FOUR guys. FOUR! who tell me they love me. Two of them every day.
So yes. I need to find out what Im doing right, and cut it the fuck out, because if another guy falls in love with me, I might just go batshit. Not that Im not ALREADY THERE ANYWAY.
w
t
f
d
o
i
d
o
?