04-Can't even do that right

[lovemarked]

This is the most horrible, ickiest thing I've had to do since I got here.  I don't want to talk about it.  I don't talk about it.  I don't even think about it... most days.  I really don't... fine.  I'm sorry, Thomas.

It was about four years ago.  I was asleep when they brought Thomas home, but I was out of bed by the time they brought him into the

Comments

I thought I commented here. >> -backdated

[reginagloriae]

That sounds nicer than my almost-death experiences.

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[lovemarked]

Sure, at the time it was nicer... but it's the gift that keeps on giving.

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[reginagloriae]

Do you regret that?

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[lovemarked]

Some days. I think that the price I paid... we both paid is too high.

As much as I still need to be with him, being this close to him and... well, it just reminds me again and again of what happened.

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[reginagloriae]

To the day you almost died. I got no idea how much this must hurt you. Sorry.

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[lovemarked]

There's nothing to be done about it. Life sucks, right? Please don't say any of this Thomas. I'd like to think that he doesn't know any of this... yeah, right.

I was supposed to die that day. It was supposed to be beautiful and romantic... instead, I took what we had and twisted it into this... parody of a relationship. Every day that I am here, I am reminded of this.

I am so very happy to be here with him... and yet it makes me so sad.

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[reginagloriae]

Yeah, life stinks sometimes. But we keep on living because death is a worse option.

How can you call your feelings a parody? What you did for him was beautiful and selfless, Thomas SHOULD realize this. It took something from you, but it kept you alive and kept him alive. There would be a way for you to find happiness. You're alive, Justine, if you would have died, it would be over.

But you lived, so did he, there's hope for the living.

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[lovemarked]

It is a parody of what we once had. A sex vampire in love with someone he can't touch...

What I did was an act of cowardice. It was not beautiful or selfless. It was the most selfish thing I have have ever done. I did it so that I wouldn't be faced with a life that he wasn't in. I did it for myself as much as I did it for him.

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[reginagloriae]

That makes it painful but also shows how much he loves you.

So what? Nobody has perfect intentions. Not you, me, or even Thomas. We got a little of selfishness in every act we do. That's how people are, vampire or human or whatever I am. But you love him and was afraid to lose him. He loves you and is afraid of the same. This didn't make your moment any less significant.

There's a lot of things it could be done to overcome this. Look in the place you have landed in! If he or you would have died, how would the other feel? You wouldn't touch again, either.

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[lovemarked]

I... I know that and I try to remember it... it just gets hard sometimes.

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[reginagloriae]

That's the hard thing about life. To learn to appreciate what we got, huh?

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[lovemarked]

I'm still getting used to having it. I'll get to the appreciating part once I adjust.