They say the strongest part of love is hate

[lovemakeithurt3]

well its been about forever since ive updated. Well me and anne went to the football game and hung out w/a bunch of kids. And then we all went to sonics adn got some food and drinks. Then we all rode out to this party. Well there was just rednecks and they were giving justin a hard time. So we are all leaving and we were in shanes car next to

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It started out with a kiss - How did it end up like this?

[__christie__]

Ok kiddo... there's a few things I gotta tell you.

We'll start off on a good note, saying I'm glad you had fun at the party and hanging out at the game and alla that. lol I'm glad your night was entertaining at the least.

And now for the thing you're probably not going to want to hear.

I can understand just having a bad day and feeling alone. Everyone has those, ya know? Even those who have boyfriends go through some of those days that no matter what happens... you just feel... alone. Like no one is there for you. And the only thing that can fix it is to get a call from that one person... but... that's where things go wrong for you. And you're not the only one who goes through that, I'm not saying you're all alone... but it's time to realize that Kendall just isn't who he used to be. He'll go through those phases when he needs you attention one week, and doesn't the next. And I know that's hard to grasp, because you know who he was. But he's changed. You know he's changed. Even if you have trouble admitting it sometimes... he really has. This isn't the same Kendall who would date other people just to get you back. I know you don't want to hear it... and I don't want to hurt you by telling you this... but Katelynn... he's moving on. I think he already has. You're remembering and holding onto all the good times you and Kendall had, and trying to forget about all the bad. Katelynn, it wasn't all sunshine when you were with him. Remember when he broke up w/ you... when was it? 8th grade? 9th grade? I think it was 9th... He wrote it on a sheet of paper... and held it against the back window on a bus..? And your whole bus saw it... and you didn't have anything to do except act like it didn't bother you? Do you remember how much that hurt you? Do you remember going home, and crying in your pillow for hours... just to make yourself feel better? I remember that like every week or two, you'd be crying over that boy. But you'd get over it, because he'd call you and apologize 50 million times, saying he'd never do it again, and he was stupid, and he loved you and blah blah blah... and every time you'd get a little more hesitant about taking him back... but you would anyway... remember? Each time, it seemed like you'd make him beg a little more... and I'm not saying that was wrong. That was completely justifiable. If he hurt me over and over again, I wouldn't trust him so easily either... but if I loved him, then I'm sure I would let him come back. Because love forgives. But Katelynn... he isn't calling and apologizing 50 million times. He isn't calling at all. He isn't saying he'll stop. He isn't calling himself stupid. And he stopped saying he loved you a long time ago. That's not the Kendall you know. That's not the Kendall you love. I know you're willing to except that he's changed... everyone changes... but Katelynn.. he isn't even the same person. You're still living in this world where you think that he's going to realize that he loved you all along, and come crawling back to you... like he used to.

(to be continued...)

It started out with a kiss - How did it end up like this?

[__christie__]

And you say you're not going to take him back... well prove it Katelynn. The way you are right now, it's killing you that he didn't say hello. You know that he saw you, you know that he knew you were there... he decided to pretend that you weren't there. I know that hurts. I remember going through that before... and I know it's not like I can tell you he's over you, and you'll just get over him in a snap... I know it doesn't work that way. But Katelynn... you have to try. And I know you have tried before... but I mean really try. Stop waiting for him Katelynn. He probably isn't coming back. And if he is... he's not going to stay. Katelynn, I love you to death, and I don't want to be the one to break this to you... but I'm sick of that boy making you cry. You're comparing every guy you like to a guy who doesn't even exist anymore. He doesn't say the sweet things Kendall used to. He doesn't hold you quite as tight. He doesn't kiss the same. It doesn't feel right. It's because you're not letting it. It's different... well good. It's supposed to be. If it were the same, how awkward would that be? You'd be getting close to that guy, remembering how Kendall used to hug you like that, or kiss you like that. Why would you do that to yourself? You need something different. And I mean you NEED it... You can't sit around waiting for something you don't know that will ever happen. I know you can't forget Kendall... but it's about time to let him go. Find someone to hang out with that doesn't remind you of Kendall. It may not feel right at first... but that's because you're so use to how things used to be. You're not comprehending that everything/everyone has changed. Davin, Katelynn, Anne, Michelle, Me... everyone. Everyone is a different person now than they were 3 years ago. We have all let go of something... or someone... we've all had fights w/ ones we loved... and we all gained someone in our lives. You've come to grips with everything and everyone that is different except for Kendall. I can understand why... that was this perfect guy for you. Always there for you, called at the right times, had the right lines, didnt mean to hurt you, apologized if he did, he gave everything he had to make you happy... But something happened... and that's not him anymore. And I know I'm repeating myself, but I'm trying to pound it into your head that this isn't right. Stop using your heart for 5 minutes and use your brain. Ask yourself Why Do I Love Him? What Makes Him So Different? What Is It About Him That Puts Him Above Everyone Else? I mean ask yourself about the person he is now... not the person he was last year... or the year before... or the year before... etc etc. What does he do NOW ... that makes you hold on? What makes you stay? His arms aren't open... he's not looking your way... but you still feel the need to be there... incase he decides to turn around or something. You want him to open his eyes and find that you were there all along. That he may have gone from girl to girl... but in the end, you were the one who was always there... but what happens when he doesnt turn around? What happens when he walks away? And you've waited all this time for something that never happened? Katelynn, stop waiting. If he loves you like you're trying to convince yourself that he does, then he will love you enough to fight for you. When he comes back and finds you with another guy, he will tell you how he feels and he will wait for you... like you waited for him. And if he doesn't come back... then at least you can say you moved on. You can't even say that yet. Katelynn, those 2 days you're gonna get to spend with him within this year won't make up for the days and hours you spent crying over him. It's not worth it. He'll get lonely some day... he'll be broken up w/ his girlfriend... and he'll think "hey... I can call Katelynn... she'll come over"... and he'll call you and do whatever he wants... then he'll go back to some other girl. That's what he did over the summer. And that's what he'll do until you stop letting him. What happens if he starts screwing w/ you again? Calls you up, invites you over, and won't open the door? calls you later, asks why you never came over? invites you over again only to not answer the door?

It started out with a kiss - How did it end up like this?

[__christie__]

Do you remember going home and crying because you could hear him inside the door? You knew he was there... and for whatever reason... he just decided to be a jerk. You can try to defend him, saying it was because his friends were there... but do you know what that means? He's showing his friends the power he has over you. You need to pay attention to how he acts then. I know he's so sweet and wonderful when you're all alone... but do you think that's what he tells his friends? Doubt it. You know they ask. What do you think he says? "Me and Katelynn spent the entire day together. We spent hours on the couch, just holding each other... then we play wrestled for a while... it was great"... come on. This is Kendall. He wont mention any bonding. All his friends care about are the details. The I touched her here or we did this... ya know? He's not the type of guy to just be like "I dont wanna talk about it. thats me and her". He might have been before, but he's not now. And Katelynn... you DONT have to be friends with him anymore. It's killing you inside to be friends with him. Because he gets to decide when you're friends, and when you're not. He decides when you're more than friends, or when you're not. He decides everything. You have no control... and the sad part is, it's over your own life. I know it'd be hard... but the only thing I can really tell you... is let him go. Stop being friends. That's torture for you. That's a way to kill you slowly. Stop settling for what he's giving you, and take a step of your own. Please... if not for me... for yourself...

I love you,
Christie

(FINALLY done...)