Starting a 2 minute series in THREE...TWO...ONE!!!!!!
Hello darlings.
I just got home and have changed into a comfy old One Acts sweatshirt and pjs. There is rasperry bubbalicious gum in my purse and my apartment smells like curry chicken. This is the kind of beautiful night where you walk home in the dark from dinner and coffee with friends, with your coat blowing open in the wind, and it's warm and the trees are silhouetted by the street lamps. And at the cafe they knew your name (my apologies, guys, for sounding like a rerun of Cheers), and old polish drunks whistle at you. Mel has spent the Dragonboat dinner squishing Victor's face in a very questionable manner, and the meal was greasy and cheap but the waitress was so sweet you just had to tip her extra. And the
***
Sorry, the sentimental rant (which was genuine, by the way. it really has been a great evening) was interrupted by the phone ringing. It was my friend, to tell me about her big date, which she needed to talk about and get advice for etc etc.
I have been a terrible friend to her today, when she needed my help cause she was nervous about seeing a guy who she wasn't sure was her type. And I, wonderful best friend that I am, could only glare and tell her to just be happy she's found someone she at least has some kind of chemistry with. Cause God knows that's hard enough.
Am I becoming so jaded that I can't even support one of my best friends when she's feeling unsure about relationships? Am I so self-centred that I let my own issues take precedence over someone I care about and don't want to see hurt?
Today someone asked me why I'm so negative about relationships.
I don't know.
Maybe my parents' divorce is coming back to haunt me. But 15 years after the fact? Seems a little late. More likely that I just have never had any experience that would make me see relationships in a good light. More likely that I've just never met anyone in my goddamn life who I would ever want a real relationship with. More fucking likely that I will die alone. With cats. FUCK!!!! I hate that I'm acting so bitter when I really have nothing to complain about, and everything is fine and I've just had an amazing night out with great friends.
But still I can't find it in me to stay on the phone for five minutes with my friend to give her advice.
I have no advice left to give.
I wish someone would give me some.
I just got home and have changed into a comfy old One Acts sweatshirt and pjs. There is rasperry bubbalicious gum in my purse and my apartment smells like curry chicken. This is the kind of beautiful night where you walk home in the dark from dinner and coffee with friends, with your coat blowing open in the wind, and it's warm and the trees are silhouetted by the street lamps. And at the cafe they knew your name (my apologies, guys, for sounding like a rerun of Cheers), and old polish drunks whistle at you. Mel has spent the Dragonboat dinner squishing Victor's face in a very questionable manner, and the meal was greasy and cheap but the waitress was so sweet you just had to tip her extra. And the
***
Sorry, the sentimental rant (which was genuine, by the way. it really has been a great evening) was interrupted by the phone ringing. It was my friend, to tell me about her big date, which she needed to talk about and get advice for etc etc.
I have been a terrible friend to her today, when she needed my help cause she was nervous about seeing a guy who she wasn't sure was her type. And I, wonderful best friend that I am, could only glare and tell her to just be happy she's found someone she at least has some kind of chemistry with. Cause God knows that's hard enough.
Am I becoming so jaded that I can't even support one of my best friends when she's feeling unsure about relationships? Am I so self-centred that I let my own issues take precedence over someone I care about and don't want to see hurt?
Today someone asked me why I'm so negative about relationships.
I don't know.
Maybe my parents' divorce is coming back to haunt me. But 15 years after the fact? Seems a little late. More likely that I just have never had any experience that would make me see relationships in a good light. More likely that I've just never met anyone in my goddamn life who I would ever want a real relationship with. More fucking likely that I will die alone. With cats. FUCK!!!! I hate that I'm acting so bitter when I really have nothing to complain about, and everything is fine and I've just had an amazing night out with great friends.
But still I can't find it in me to stay on the phone for five minutes with my friend to give her advice.
I have no advice left to give.
I wish someone would give me some.