Momentum - Eunhae
title: momentum
pairing: haehyuk, heehyuk bff-ery,ninja pairings
characters: eunhyuk (girl), donghae, heechul(girl), sungmin (girl),kibum,hankyung
rating: pg
genre: au,romance, gender switch
length: oneshot
summary: maybe he loved her just a little more than he was allowed to and cared for her just a little more than he should.
a/n: i edited this countless times since the first time I posted it. this was my first fic ever. a small part of this fic is from a short story I've read on the internet.
disclaimer: i do not own super junior.
“No...” Heechul whispered helplessly, her voice breaking the silence that enveloped them.
That night, a part of Heechul died.
**********
Heads turned as a petite girl laughed loudly at the beach.
"Wh-a…Ya!" Eunhyuk playfully hit her boyfriend’s arm.
Donghae blew air into her ear, where she's very sensitive. She had been staring at the sunset before he surprised her. They had cut their afternoon classes. Donghae saw her in the corridor after lunch when he took her hand and the next thing she knows they’re at the beach.
“You’re so cute, do you know that?” Donghae whispered in her ear while hugging her from the back.
“And you smell so good too, like strawberries.” He softly added, hugging her tighter
“I know, I know.” Eunhyuk said lightly, reveling in the warmth of the embrace.
“By the way, why are we here, I thought you have soccer practice till 8?” Eunhyuk faced her boyfriend, eyebrows raised in question.
“I just miss you."
He wanted to say but instead he grinned at her.
"Just felt like it. School was boring anyway."
The truth was, there had been an unsettling feeling nagging him since he woke up this morning. He felt like she was going to leave so he wanted to make sure she isn’t.
Eunhyuk laughed. “Brat, why did I end up with you again?”
She didn’t really mean those words. She just loves messing with him because he takes things too seriously sometimes. This was one of his traits she liked from the beginning because she found it endearing. She and her two childhood friends had agreed that men are not to be trusted with the exception of Hankyung and Kibum who they grew up with. But Donghae was different. He was caring, dedicated and thoughtful. He makes her laugh even without trying. He has his own share of faults but so does she, and it only endeared him more to her. She just woke up one morning wondering if there ever was a time she didn’t love him, because it felt so amazing she can’t explain it.
“Ouch.” Donghae feigned insult.
“Hyukkie, I ask myself the same thing, why is someone as awesome as me with you?”
He propped his chin on top of Eunhyuk’s head. He knows that there is no one but the sweet girl in his arms, who will ever take hold of his heart and mind the way she does. He doesn’t know if she knows just how much he loves her. This started as an innocent crush which led to deeper feelings of love the longer it lasted.
“Oh yeah?” A playful smirk crossed her features.
“Then I guess I should have picked Junsu over you back in middle school. He and I kicked your ass in soccer.”
She stuck her tongue out at her boyfriend whilst hugging his arms tighter in front of her.
“Now that, my cute little monkey is crossing the line!” He said teasingly, and picked Eunhyuk up from the sand. The said girl was giggling madly in his arms.
“Hae! Put me down, it’s embarrassing~”, Eunhyuk’s face was getting warm because the other people on the beach were looking at them. She secretly loves it though whenever Donghae showers her with affection although she would never admit it.
“No, I won’t, it’s your punishment for even thinking about picking Junsu over almighty me.” He winked at her. He knows that Eunhyuk really likes skinship but hates to admit it. Pretending that she wants him to stop but not really doing anything about it. He loves that part about her. He finds it extremely cute.
“Alright, alright~I take it back, my prince.”
She chuckled into his neck; her arms encircling it as he walked towards his bike. Inhaling his clean scent, she wondered what good she has done to have met Donghae. As ironic as it seems, it was Junsu who had introduced him to her. She secretly thanked the dolphin voiced boy.
*Beethoven’s 5th symphony 1st movement playing*
“Oh, its mine, Heechul’s calling.” Donghae let her down.
She had a special tone for Heechul so that she’ll immediately know if it’s her best friend calling since the girl is not exactly known for her patience. Eunhyuk doesn’t mind because they have known each other for as long as she could remember. They know what the other is thinking with just a look. Had Heechul been a guy, she would have dated her. Despite their opposite personalities, in reality they get along perfectly it’s weird. Heechul may act like a pain at times but she knows it’s not done with ill intention, that’s just the way she is. To her she was the sister she never had.
“Heechul's got really bad timing you know. She always calls in the most inopportune moments.” Donghae said in amusement.
Eunhyuk flipped her cell phone open. “Heechul-ah?” She said sweetly.
“Yah! Where are you?! You didn’t even say anything to me and Min! Kibum and Hankyung were so worried because you didn’t come back after going out of the room. And then we heard that Donghae went MIA like you. Heechul told her with a voice laced with worry and irritation.
Eunhyuk chuckled, her mid-length hair being blown by the wind. She was oblivious to the loving look that Donghae gave her while she spoke with Heechul on her cell phone.
“I’m so sorry! Donghae saw me at the corridor then dragged me to the beach. I wasn’t planning on cutting class or anything. I would have told you.” Eunhyuk said sincerely.
“Siwon is breathing down our necks because you’re not here for practice, you know for the school play. Seriously, that bible loving director should take a chill pill he’s so…stiff. I just told him you went home early because of diarrhea.
“Oh shi-…I totally forgot we have practice!” Eunhyuk squeaked, and looked at Donghae.
The boy just looked at her apologetically and mouthed I’m so sorry to her. Damn it, she can’t get mad with the boy. She continued speaking with Heechul.
”Yah! Why’d you tell him I have diarrhea of all things? Eunhyuk whined.
“Because it’s the only excuse I could think of that will immediately get him off my back. It was also payback for not telling me where you went! The voice on the other end of the line chuckled.
Eunhyuk pouted. “But still Chullie~that’s so embarrassing!
“Okay I know, and I’m sorry but what’s done is done. Just be happy you got of the hook thanks to me.”
“Well there’s nothing else I could do can I? Thank you for your “brilliant” idea to get me off the hook and for tainting my image forever. I’m sorry for being taken away so abruptly I missed practice and most importantly weren’t able to tell you.” Eunhyuk finished with a grin on her face.
“No need to thank me so much. I’m your best friend aren’t I? Heechul laughed maniacally.
“Oh, and you’re lucky you’re not here. We have practice all night. Imagine all night with Siwon, how exciting.” Heechul said voice dripping with sarcasm.
"I know its tough, but just bear with it okay?” Eunhyuk tried to hide the giggle trying to escape her lips. Siwon must be ecstatic, Eunhyuk thought. That guy has the biggest crush on Heechul since middle school when the latter told him to get lost.
“It could be less boring though.”
“Don't even think about it.” Eunhyuk said slowly.
A grin was plastered on Heechul’s face on the other end of the line, and Eunhyuk could feel it.
“But it would be fun! I could just lock Siwon somewhere then we’re free to go! Heechul said voice now suddenly coated with honey accompanied by a smirk gracing her lovely features.
“No, that’s unfair to him. He’s doing it for the team anyway. If it wasn’t for his strictness the play would be a goner.” The other girl said flatly.
“Stop being such a…Kim Heechul and act like a normal student for once. Only a few more practices till the play then it’s done! She added.
“Traitor.”
“Brat.”
“Ungrateful.”
“Selfish.”
"..."
Laughter erupted from both ends of the line.
Eunhyuk shrugged after laughing. “You’re so hopeless Kim Heechul, be glad I love you to bits.”
“And be thankful that I love you too! Pray that I won’t fall asleep on my lines, or worse smack Siwon’s head with a broom. Enjoy your date Hyuk-ah.” Heechul finally gave in.
Heechul only showed this side of her to her closest friends. She, Eunhyuk, Sungmin, Hankyung and Kibum had been friends since they were little. Eunhyuk being her best friend get to experience the best and worst of her. To other people she may seem like a cold and insensitive bitch. She’s just being real and if other people couldn’t understand that then she doesn’t care because they don’t know her so they don’t have any right to judge her.
“You know I would have gone to practice if not for the err...circumstances.” Eunhyuk said sincerely.
“I know, so don’t be sorry. Just enjoy your date before I change my mind and tell Siwon the real reason you skipped practice.
“Thanks a lot!”
“Pabo. You owe me big time!”
“Yeah I know! Tell the others I said hi and sorry for missing practice.”
“Okay! Just don’t get preggers okay~!” The other said back teasingly.
“I’ll try!” Eunhyuk hung up.
When she looked at Donghae, he was looking at her with a grin on his face.
“You and Heechul are so weird. Sometimes I forget if I’m the boyfriend or her.” He said chuckling.
“I’ll tell her you said that. You’re going to be sorry.” She teased back.
“We’ll see about that~” He whistled.
“I’m hungry, what do you want to eat?” Donghae asked her as he pulled her close.
“Dunno.”
Then she bit the boy’s shoulders. She grinned widely, her cute gums showing.
Donghae tickled her until she shouted “I give up!”
He would give anything to keep that smile on her face.
Oh, he doesn’t know that he’s wishing for too much
**********
“Hae?” Eunhyuk asked looking at Donghae’s face. Her eyebrows furrowed.
“Hmmm…Donghae said kissing her left hand.
They were lying on the grass looking at the cloudless sky.
“What is it? I’m listening…”Donghae murmured against her ear.
She just hugged him tighter and buried her head to his chest. He held her closer and massaged her furrowed eyebrows. He then looked at her lovingly and kissed her gently.
”I'm glad we ditched class.”
Eunhyuk's head was resting on Donghae's arm with his other arm holding her close. They shared a comfortable silence with only the sound of each other's breathing. The two of them were thinking the same thing as they gaze at the stars.
Life is good.
**********
The summer air was gently blowing their hair as they ride Donghae’s bike to Eunhyuk’s house.
“Slow down, I'm scared.” Eunhyuk whispered in Donghae’s ear, hugging him.
“No, this is fun.”
“No it's not, please, it's scary.”
“Then tell me…that you love me.” Donghae shouted slightly.
“Pabo. I love you, now slow down.”
“Now give me a big hug.” Donghae muttered under his helmet.
“I’m already hugging you.” She said, but she still hugged him tighter.
“Can you take my helmet off and put it on yourself. It's really bothering me.” Donghae finally said.
“Eunhyukkie.” “Hmmm?” She said sleepily.
“Saranghae.”
The next day in the newspaper:
"A motorcycle crashed into a building due to brake failure. Two people were in the crash, but only one survived."
The truth was that halfway down the road, Donghae realized that the breaks weren't working, but he didn't want Eunhyuk to know. Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she loves him, one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so that she would live, even if it meant that he would die.
**********
"Don't worry about me, I will be okay. I have you guys with me. Just give me some time. I don’t want you guys to worry too much. Okay?” Eunhyuk told them. They had just arrived home from the cemetery.
Her eyes were red from too much crying. She gave them a small smile to reassure them but it was more like she was doing it for herself.
Kibum noticed that her face had become paler and thinner from days without eating properly. He just nodded his head along with the others, not entirely believing her words. Instead, he got more worried because she was trying to act strong.
Heechul embraced her, wanting to convey all the words of comfort she’s been meaning to say. That they will always be there for her no matter what and that no ones rushing her to move on. She could take all the time she needs but she should promise that she will not give up.
“Heechul-ah. We must be strong for Eunhyukkie.” Hankyung softly said patting her shoulders.
“I know.” Heechul sobbed on the man’s shoulders as he embraced her trembling frame.
Hankyung had always been soft spoken. Since they were young he was the one to laugh gently at Eunhyuk’s jokes or Heechul’s sometimes childish comments. He has not yet experienced the grief of losing a loved one. From what he sees in Eunhyuk it’s so painful that you wish you never loved them in the first place so that you won’t be feeling so lost when they’re gone.
Kibum was holding Sungmin’s hands. The pale girl had dark circles under her eyes. She kept watch on Eunhyuk with the rest of them, even if it took a toll on her anemia.
“Why does this have to happen to her…to him…to us? Why Donghae? He’s still so young…” Sungmin cried quietly.
Sungmin was a cheerful and sensitive girl. She would always be the first one to smile at a stranger, unlike the proud Heechul, or the reserved Kibum, or the shy Hankyung and the awkward Eunhyuk. That smile isn't going to appear on her delicate face anytime soon. Seeing her friend suffering is making her heart hurt too.
Sungmin could still vividly remember the night of Donghae’s accident. Eunhyuk had called Heechul in the middle of their break from practice but all they heard was sobbing and incoherent shouting. They panicked and she wasn’t making any sense. Once they figured out where she was the four of them rushed to her. When they arrived at the hospital they were shocked and no one had the heart to speak. Eunhyuk was covered in blood crying saying Donghae’s gone.
“We don’t know. We will never know. When this kind of thing happens we have no choice but to accept it, let go and move on, even if it rips our heart out in the process. Kibum said.
He can’t bear to look at the pain that everyone seem to be in, especially Eunhyuk. He could only imagine the pain she’s in right now. He doesn’t know if she’ll ever get over it, or if things will ever be okay like she said. To him, Eunhyuk is special. It was always Eunhyuk who cheered him up since they were young. She always gave him that gummy smile of hers that never failed to tug at his heart strings.
Maybe he loved her just a little bit more than he was supposed to and cared for her just a little bit more than how a friend should. But he never acted upon those feelings because he knew that he wasn’t the one to make her feel the way she made him feel. He was contented with being her friend and loving her from the sidelines. It made him happy that she was happy even if it wasn’t him behind those smiles. He wouldn’t risk the friendship they all shared with his selfish emotions. So now it pains him that he can’t do anything to make that carefree smile appear on her lips again.
**********
“Eunhyukkie! Hyuk-ah! Open the door! Please!” Kibum pounded the door to Eunhyuk’s room.
They have been knocking for a while now. Eunhyuk’s parents are out and the four of them came for a visit. Eunhyuk doesn’t respond no matter how loud they banged the door or called her phone. Sungmin ran down a minute ago to get the spare keys to her room.
“Eunhyukkie! Please listen to us! Don’t do this to us! Open the freaking damn door!” Heechul cried desperately.
“Move aside, Kibum-ah.” Hankyung said. “Hyuk-ah I’m going to have to destroy your door if you don’t open it NOW!”Hankyung shouted.
“I’ve got the key!” Sungmin shouted breathlessly.
What awaited them when they opened the door was the one thing they have been praying for not to happen. They all thought the hardest part was over. It had been a year since Donghae’s death. She had been smiling more and slowly coming back to her usual self. But now she lay lifeless on her bed.
“No…Hyukkie...Nooooo!” Heechul’s scream filled the entire house.
She slumped on the floor next to Eunhyuk’s bed holding her best friend’s still warm hands to her face. Nothing else was registering in her mind aside from the body in front of her. All her defenses were down as she cried hard for her best friend and for herself.
Even the normally composed Kibum was weeping like a child. He held Eunhyuk in his arms and whispered incoherent words to her ear. He whispered countless “I love yous” to her. He told her the secret that was never meant to be told as if telling it would bring her back.
Sungmin was crying hysterically beside Heechul, who looked like she’ll be following Eunhyuk. She can’t bear to look at her face. She looked like she was only sleeping and her expression was peaceful. It was the most peaceful she had been, in the year that passed.
Hankyung was kneeling at the floor, looking at the face of Eunhyuk, silent tears flowing from his eyes. He thought to himself sadly. I never wished to know the feeling of losing a person so close to me. Losing a friend is painful but losing Eunhyuk was like taking a very part of his being and tearing it to pieces.
Heechul, Sungmin, Hankyung and Kibum,
I’m sorry I lied. I know its wrong for me to do this. I thought I was okay, but I’m not after all and I’m probably never going to be. I thought I was ready to let him go but I just can’t. Every time I try everything just comes crawling back. Every waking hour all I could think of is him. Even in my sleep, it’s still him I dream of. It kills me knowing that he died that night instead of me. I love him too much.
Heechul-ah, my lovely best friend, you must be furious with me right now. I know how you hate it when people break their promises to you. I hate it too, but please forgive me I can’t keep mine. I always thought you were the sister I should have had but got lost in the way. You even know me more than I know myself, its crazy. Don’t ever change just because people told you so. I love you down to your bitchiness.
Sungmin-ah, you made every day of my life brighter. It’s not just your smile but it’s like you’re an angel. Just sitting beside you makes me feel better. You are the only person I ever envied because of that. But then I realized I’m the lucky one because I’m your friend. Don’t let that smile of yours falter just because of me, keep on smiling.
Hankyung-ah, you are like an older brother to me even if you and I are of the same age. You were always gentle with me even if I tend to be stubborn at times. I felt that when I’m with you its okay for me to not be the responsible child everyone expects me to be and just have fun, even if I make a lot of mistakes. You took so much care of us. I hope you won’t stop.
Kibum-ah, I could still remember when you refused to talk when we were little. That was such a long time ago. Even if you’re still not as talkative as Chullie or Min I’m glad you opened up to us. I don’t know why but you were always the first to know when something’s wrong with me. It must be because you were so sensitive. I appreciate that a lot. I used to have this little crush on you when we were little. I thought you were like a prince. Please look over everyone especially Hankyung because he tends to forget his own well being and Heechul because she tends to get rash and Sungmin because she’s too kind for her own good.
You are one of the most wonderful things that happened to me. I can’t imagine my life not meeting you. I’m sorry that I have to leave this way, it’s stupid but I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so weak. I’m sorry. I love you. Good bye.
Eunhyuk
pairing: haehyuk, heehyuk bff-ery,ninja pairings
characters: eunhyuk (girl), donghae, heechul(girl), sungmin (girl),kibum,hankyung
rating: pg
genre: au,romance, gender switch
length: oneshot
summary: maybe he loved her just a little more than he was allowed to and cared for her just a little more than he should.
a/n: i edited this countless times since the first time I posted it. this was my first fic ever. a small part of this fic is from a short story I've read on the internet.
disclaimer: i do not own super junior.
“No...” Heechul whispered helplessly, her voice breaking the silence that enveloped them.
That night, a part of Heechul died.
**********
Heads turned as a petite girl laughed loudly at the beach.
"Wh-a…Ya!" Eunhyuk playfully hit her boyfriend’s arm.
Donghae blew air into her ear, where she's very sensitive. She had been staring at the sunset before he surprised her. They had cut their afternoon classes. Donghae saw her in the corridor after lunch when he took her hand and the next thing she knows they’re at the beach.
“You’re so cute, do you know that?” Donghae whispered in her ear while hugging her from the back.
“And you smell so good too, like strawberries.” He softly added, hugging her tighter
“I know, I know.” Eunhyuk said lightly, reveling in the warmth of the embrace.
“By the way, why are we here, I thought you have soccer practice till 8?” Eunhyuk faced her boyfriend, eyebrows raised in question.
“I just miss you."
He wanted to say but instead he grinned at her.
"Just felt like it. School was boring anyway."
The truth was, there had been an unsettling feeling nagging him since he woke up this morning. He felt like she was going to leave so he wanted to make sure she isn’t.
Eunhyuk laughed. “Brat, why did I end up with you again?”
She didn’t really mean those words. She just loves messing with him because he takes things too seriously sometimes. This was one of his traits she liked from the beginning because she found it endearing. She and her two childhood friends had agreed that men are not to be trusted with the exception of Hankyung and Kibum who they grew up with. But Donghae was different. He was caring, dedicated and thoughtful. He makes her laugh even without trying. He has his own share of faults but so does she, and it only endeared him more to her. She just woke up one morning wondering if there ever was a time she didn’t love him, because it felt so amazing she can’t explain it.
“Ouch.” Donghae feigned insult.
“Hyukkie, I ask myself the same thing, why is someone as awesome as me with you?”
He propped his chin on top of Eunhyuk’s head. He knows that there is no one but the sweet girl in his arms, who will ever take hold of his heart and mind the way she does. He doesn’t know if she knows just how much he loves her. This started as an innocent crush which led to deeper feelings of love the longer it lasted.
“Oh yeah?” A playful smirk crossed her features.
“Then I guess I should have picked Junsu over you back in middle school. He and I kicked your ass in soccer.”
She stuck her tongue out at her boyfriend whilst hugging his arms tighter in front of her.
“Now that, my cute little monkey is crossing the line!” He said teasingly, and picked Eunhyuk up from the sand. The said girl was giggling madly in his arms.
“Hae! Put me down, it’s embarrassing~”, Eunhyuk’s face was getting warm because the other people on the beach were looking at them. She secretly loves it though whenever Donghae showers her with affection although she would never admit it.
“No, I won’t, it’s your punishment for even thinking about picking Junsu over almighty me.” He winked at her. He knows that Eunhyuk really likes skinship but hates to admit it. Pretending that she wants him to stop but not really doing anything about it. He loves that part about her. He finds it extremely cute.
“Alright, alright~I take it back, my prince.”
She chuckled into his neck; her arms encircling it as he walked towards his bike. Inhaling his clean scent, she wondered what good she has done to have met Donghae. As ironic as it seems, it was Junsu who had introduced him to her. She secretly thanked the dolphin voiced boy.
*Beethoven’s 5th symphony 1st movement playing*
“Oh, its mine, Heechul’s calling.” Donghae let her down.
She had a special tone for Heechul so that she’ll immediately know if it’s her best friend calling since the girl is not exactly known for her patience. Eunhyuk doesn’t mind because they have known each other for as long as she could remember. They know what the other is thinking with just a look. Had Heechul been a guy, she would have dated her. Despite their opposite personalities, in reality they get along perfectly it’s weird. Heechul may act like a pain at times but she knows it’s not done with ill intention, that’s just the way she is. To her she was the sister she never had.
“Heechul's got really bad timing you know. She always calls in the most inopportune moments.” Donghae said in amusement.
Eunhyuk flipped her cell phone open. “Heechul-ah?” She said sweetly.
“Yah! Where are you?! You didn’t even say anything to me and Min! Kibum and Hankyung were so worried because you didn’t come back after going out of the room. And then we heard that Donghae went MIA like you. Heechul told her with a voice laced with worry and irritation.
Eunhyuk chuckled, her mid-length hair being blown by the wind. She was oblivious to the loving look that Donghae gave her while she spoke with Heechul on her cell phone.
“I’m so sorry! Donghae saw me at the corridor then dragged me to the beach. I wasn’t planning on cutting class or anything. I would have told you.” Eunhyuk said sincerely.
“Siwon is breathing down our necks because you’re not here for practice, you know for the school play. Seriously, that bible loving director should take a chill pill he’s so…stiff. I just told him you went home early because of diarrhea.
“Oh shi-…I totally forgot we have practice!” Eunhyuk squeaked, and looked at Donghae.
The boy just looked at her apologetically and mouthed I’m so sorry to her. Damn it, she can’t get mad with the boy. She continued speaking with Heechul.
”Yah! Why’d you tell him I have diarrhea of all things? Eunhyuk whined.
“Because it’s the only excuse I could think of that will immediately get him off my back. It was also payback for not telling me where you went! The voice on the other end of the line chuckled.
Eunhyuk pouted. “But still Chullie~that’s so embarrassing!
“Okay I know, and I’m sorry but what’s done is done. Just be happy you got of the hook thanks to me.”
“Well there’s nothing else I could do can I? Thank you for your “brilliant” idea to get me off the hook and for tainting my image forever. I’m sorry for being taken away so abruptly I missed practice and most importantly weren’t able to tell you.” Eunhyuk finished with a grin on her face.
“No need to thank me so much. I’m your best friend aren’t I? Heechul laughed maniacally.
“Oh, and you’re lucky you’re not here. We have practice all night. Imagine all night with Siwon, how exciting.” Heechul said voice dripping with sarcasm.
"I know its tough, but just bear with it okay?” Eunhyuk tried to hide the giggle trying to escape her lips. Siwon must be ecstatic, Eunhyuk thought. That guy has the biggest crush on Heechul since middle school when the latter told him to get lost.
“It could be less boring though.”
“Don't even think about it.” Eunhyuk said slowly.
A grin was plastered on Heechul’s face on the other end of the line, and Eunhyuk could feel it.
“But it would be fun! I could just lock Siwon somewhere then we’re free to go! Heechul said voice now suddenly coated with honey accompanied by a smirk gracing her lovely features.
“No, that’s unfair to him. He’s doing it for the team anyway. If it wasn’t for his strictness the play would be a goner.” The other girl said flatly.
“Stop being such a…Kim Heechul and act like a normal student for once. Only a few more practices till the play then it’s done! She added.
“Traitor.”
“Brat.”
“Ungrateful.”
“Selfish.”
"..."
Laughter erupted from both ends of the line.
Eunhyuk shrugged after laughing. “You’re so hopeless Kim Heechul, be glad I love you to bits.”
“And be thankful that I love you too! Pray that I won’t fall asleep on my lines, or worse smack Siwon’s head with a broom. Enjoy your date Hyuk-ah.” Heechul finally gave in.
Heechul only showed this side of her to her closest friends. She, Eunhyuk, Sungmin, Hankyung and Kibum had been friends since they were little. Eunhyuk being her best friend get to experience the best and worst of her. To other people she may seem like a cold and insensitive bitch. She’s just being real and if other people couldn’t understand that then she doesn’t care because they don’t know her so they don’t have any right to judge her.
“You know I would have gone to practice if not for the err...circumstances.” Eunhyuk said sincerely.
“I know, so don’t be sorry. Just enjoy your date before I change my mind and tell Siwon the real reason you skipped practice.
“Thanks a lot!”
“Pabo. You owe me big time!”
“Yeah I know! Tell the others I said hi and sorry for missing practice.”
“Okay! Just don’t get preggers okay~!” The other said back teasingly.
“I’ll try!” Eunhyuk hung up.
When she looked at Donghae, he was looking at her with a grin on his face.
“You and Heechul are so weird. Sometimes I forget if I’m the boyfriend or her.” He said chuckling.
“I’ll tell her you said that. You’re going to be sorry.” She teased back.
“We’ll see about that~” He whistled.
“I’m hungry, what do you want to eat?” Donghae asked her as he pulled her close.
“Dunno.”
Then she bit the boy’s shoulders. She grinned widely, her cute gums showing.
Donghae tickled her until she shouted “I give up!”
He would give anything to keep that smile on her face.
Oh, he doesn’t know that he’s wishing for too much
**********
“Hae?” Eunhyuk asked looking at Donghae’s face. Her eyebrows furrowed.
“Hmmm…Donghae said kissing her left hand.
They were lying on the grass looking at the cloudless sky.
“What is it? I’m listening…”Donghae murmured against her ear.
She just hugged him tighter and buried her head to his chest. He held her closer and massaged her furrowed eyebrows. He then looked at her lovingly and kissed her gently.
”I'm glad we ditched class.”
Eunhyuk's head was resting on Donghae's arm with his other arm holding her close. They shared a comfortable silence with only the sound of each other's breathing. The two of them were thinking the same thing as they gaze at the stars.
Life is good.
**********
The summer air was gently blowing their hair as they ride Donghae’s bike to Eunhyuk’s house.
“Slow down, I'm scared.” Eunhyuk whispered in Donghae’s ear, hugging him.
“No, this is fun.”
“No it's not, please, it's scary.”
“Then tell me…that you love me.” Donghae shouted slightly.
“Pabo. I love you, now slow down.”
“Now give me a big hug.” Donghae muttered under his helmet.
“I’m already hugging you.” She said, but she still hugged him tighter.
“Can you take my helmet off and put it on yourself. It's really bothering me.” Donghae finally said.
“Eunhyukkie.” “Hmmm?” She said sleepily.
“Saranghae.”
The next day in the newspaper:
"A motorcycle crashed into a building due to brake failure. Two people were in the crash, but only one survived."
The truth was that halfway down the road, Donghae realized that the breaks weren't working, but he didn't want Eunhyuk to know. Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she loves him, one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so that she would live, even if it meant that he would die.
**********
"Don't worry about me, I will be okay. I have you guys with me. Just give me some time. I don’t want you guys to worry too much. Okay?” Eunhyuk told them. They had just arrived home from the cemetery.
Her eyes were red from too much crying. She gave them a small smile to reassure them but it was more like she was doing it for herself.
Kibum noticed that her face had become paler and thinner from days without eating properly. He just nodded his head along with the others, not entirely believing her words. Instead, he got more worried because she was trying to act strong.
Heechul embraced her, wanting to convey all the words of comfort she’s been meaning to say. That they will always be there for her no matter what and that no ones rushing her to move on. She could take all the time she needs but she should promise that she will not give up.
“Heechul-ah. We must be strong for Eunhyukkie.” Hankyung softly said patting her shoulders.
“I know.” Heechul sobbed on the man’s shoulders as he embraced her trembling frame.
Hankyung had always been soft spoken. Since they were young he was the one to laugh gently at Eunhyuk’s jokes or Heechul’s sometimes childish comments. He has not yet experienced the grief of losing a loved one. From what he sees in Eunhyuk it’s so painful that you wish you never loved them in the first place so that you won’t be feeling so lost when they’re gone.
Kibum was holding Sungmin’s hands. The pale girl had dark circles under her eyes. She kept watch on Eunhyuk with the rest of them, even if it took a toll on her anemia.
“Why does this have to happen to her…to him…to us? Why Donghae? He’s still so young…” Sungmin cried quietly.
Sungmin was a cheerful and sensitive girl. She would always be the first one to smile at a stranger, unlike the proud Heechul, or the reserved Kibum, or the shy Hankyung and the awkward Eunhyuk. That smile isn't going to appear on her delicate face anytime soon. Seeing her friend suffering is making her heart hurt too.
Sungmin could still vividly remember the night of Donghae’s accident. Eunhyuk had called Heechul in the middle of their break from practice but all they heard was sobbing and incoherent shouting. They panicked and she wasn’t making any sense. Once they figured out where she was the four of them rushed to her. When they arrived at the hospital they were shocked and no one had the heart to speak. Eunhyuk was covered in blood crying saying Donghae’s gone.
“We don’t know. We will never know. When this kind of thing happens we have no choice but to accept it, let go and move on, even if it rips our heart out in the process. Kibum said.
He can’t bear to look at the pain that everyone seem to be in, especially Eunhyuk. He could only imagine the pain she’s in right now. He doesn’t know if she’ll ever get over it, or if things will ever be okay like she said. To him, Eunhyuk is special. It was always Eunhyuk who cheered him up since they were young. She always gave him that gummy smile of hers that never failed to tug at his heart strings.
Maybe he loved her just a little bit more than he was supposed to and cared for her just a little bit more than how a friend should. But he never acted upon those feelings because he knew that he wasn’t the one to make her feel the way she made him feel. He was contented with being her friend and loving her from the sidelines. It made him happy that she was happy even if it wasn’t him behind those smiles. He wouldn’t risk the friendship they all shared with his selfish emotions. So now it pains him that he can’t do anything to make that carefree smile appear on her lips again.
**********
“Eunhyukkie! Hyuk-ah! Open the door! Please!” Kibum pounded the door to Eunhyuk’s room.
They have been knocking for a while now. Eunhyuk’s parents are out and the four of them came for a visit. Eunhyuk doesn’t respond no matter how loud they banged the door or called her phone. Sungmin ran down a minute ago to get the spare keys to her room.
“Eunhyukkie! Please listen to us! Don’t do this to us! Open the freaking damn door!” Heechul cried desperately.
“Move aside, Kibum-ah.” Hankyung said. “Hyuk-ah I’m going to have to destroy your door if you don’t open it NOW!”Hankyung shouted.
“I’ve got the key!” Sungmin shouted breathlessly.
What awaited them when they opened the door was the one thing they have been praying for not to happen. They all thought the hardest part was over. It had been a year since Donghae’s death. She had been smiling more and slowly coming back to her usual self. But now she lay lifeless on her bed.
“No…Hyukkie...Nooooo!” Heechul’s scream filled the entire house.
She slumped on the floor next to Eunhyuk’s bed holding her best friend’s still warm hands to her face. Nothing else was registering in her mind aside from the body in front of her. All her defenses were down as she cried hard for her best friend and for herself.
Even the normally composed Kibum was weeping like a child. He held Eunhyuk in his arms and whispered incoherent words to her ear. He whispered countless “I love yous” to her. He told her the secret that was never meant to be told as if telling it would bring her back.
Sungmin was crying hysterically beside Heechul, who looked like she’ll be following Eunhyuk. She can’t bear to look at her face. She looked like she was only sleeping and her expression was peaceful. It was the most peaceful she had been, in the year that passed.
Hankyung was kneeling at the floor, looking at the face of Eunhyuk, silent tears flowing from his eyes. He thought to himself sadly. I never wished to know the feeling of losing a person so close to me. Losing a friend is painful but losing Eunhyuk was like taking a very part of his being and tearing it to pieces.
Heechul, Sungmin, Hankyung and Kibum,
I’m sorry I lied. I know its wrong for me to do this. I thought I was okay, but I’m not after all and I’m probably never going to be. I thought I was ready to let him go but I just can’t. Every time I try everything just comes crawling back. Every waking hour all I could think of is him. Even in my sleep, it’s still him I dream of. It kills me knowing that he died that night instead of me. I love him too much.
Heechul-ah, my lovely best friend, you must be furious with me right now. I know how you hate it when people break their promises to you. I hate it too, but please forgive me I can’t keep mine. I always thought you were the sister I should have had but got lost in the way. You even know me more than I know myself, its crazy. Don’t ever change just because people told you so. I love you down to your bitchiness.
Sungmin-ah, you made every day of my life brighter. It’s not just your smile but it’s like you’re an angel. Just sitting beside you makes me feel better. You are the only person I ever envied because of that. But then I realized I’m the lucky one because I’m your friend. Don’t let that smile of yours falter just because of me, keep on smiling.
Hankyung-ah, you are like an older brother to me even if you and I are of the same age. You were always gentle with me even if I tend to be stubborn at times. I felt that when I’m with you its okay for me to not be the responsible child everyone expects me to be and just have fun, even if I make a lot of mistakes. You took so much care of us. I hope you won’t stop.
Kibum-ah, I could still remember when you refused to talk when we were little. That was such a long time ago. Even if you’re still not as talkative as Chullie or Min I’m glad you opened up to us. I don’t know why but you were always the first to know when something’s wrong with me. It must be because you were so sensitive. I appreciate that a lot. I used to have this little crush on you when we were little. I thought you were like a prince. Please look over everyone especially Hankyung because he tends to forget his own well being and Heechul because she tends to get rash and Sungmin because she’s too kind for her own good.
You are one of the most wonderful things that happened to me. I can’t imagine my life not meeting you. I’m sorry that I have to leave this way, it’s stupid but I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so weak. I’m sorry. I love you. Good bye.
Eunhyuk