My bitterness...
Last Friday... I met a girl off of Craig's List. She was willing to come pick me up so we can go... Ya know. And I was going to. Like seriously. Then Eric and Manuel call, BEGGING me to hang with them. I told them I might be meeting someone, but they keep insisting. Me... Such a fucking friend. Yeah I told the girl that we can get together the next day. So I go with Eric, Manuel, Ashley, and Amber. Here's the real pickle... Eric and Amber are together, but I had no idea, til that night, that Ashley and Manuel were seeing each other too. So guess what! I FUCKING BECOME A 5TH WHEEL YET A-FUCKING-GAIN! So when I realized Ash and Manuel are all googley eyes at each other, I start feeling out of place and I fell asleep in Amber's room. About an hour later I wake up to find Eric and Amber all cuddly watching porn while Manuel and Ashley are playing tonsil hockey. They keep playing, not sure, nor caring, who's winning, I begin to grow uncomfortable as Eric and Amber get even more cuddley, while I'm sitting on a chair, making stupid comments at the porn thinking to myself "I could've been having sex, or at the VERY LEAST making out with a totally willing cutie right now... but NOOOOO I had to be a good fucking friend and come here only to be a fucking 5th wheel!" So yeah... Of course... Anyways, I tried calling and messaging the girl again, but she hasn't responded, nor will she respond. God I am so retarded. Always the 5th fucking wheel, or the 3rd! Fuck man.
I'm becomming more and more bitter. It's not good, it's to the point where I am resenting my own friends for their happiness. I don't want to be like that but I can't help it. It's a growing fire in me that is getting bigger and bigger. I'm being filled with envy and resentment and bitterness. I don't care for anything anymore. Things that used to make me smile, no longer do. I become annoyed easily. Infact, the day after this incident, my brother jokingly punched my arm and I snapped. I pushed him back hard and we fought, physically. I gave him a bump on the head and he gave me bruises. I hate this. Not even anime is making feel better, I'm actually resenting the happiness within it. I'm beginning to hate EVERYTHING.
I'm becomming more and more bitter. It's not good, it's to the point where I am resenting my own friends for their happiness. I don't want to be like that but I can't help it. It's a growing fire in me that is getting bigger and bigger. I'm being filled with envy and resentment and bitterness. I don't care for anything anymore. Things that used to make me smile, no longer do. I become annoyed easily. Infact, the day after this incident, my brother jokingly punched my arm and I snapped. I pushed him back hard and we fought, physically. I gave him a bump on the head and he gave me bruises. I hate this. Not even anime is making feel better, I'm actually resenting the happiness within it. I'm beginning to hate EVERYTHING.