just scratch to see whats underneath
i have insomnia. a drinking problem. i like to smoke. and i curse like a sailor. somethings gotta give.
hows life? that question was represented so maliciously to me 2 times to night. fucking r-tards. i hate people who do shit on purpose to try and piss me off. its like oh im sorry. did me living my life somehow interupt your happiness. i freaking dont understand stephen. like seriously. we were nto in a serious relationship. we got drunk and fooled around. i didnt love you and i never could make myself. i was honestly only having fun. and i refuse to apologize for being happy. "so who's your boyfriend now?" said with such distane as if he knew me and shit i go through, and who ive dated and been serious. i told him i was back with my ex-boyfriend david. and told him i was sorry if it seemed like i ahd been blowing him off. just hadn't had time to talk. i be damned if i apologize for getting back with someone i love and would fight for. the only response. 'just like every other girl ive dated''. wrong answer asshole. i am a class A bitch to be 100% honest and i seriously don't do well with high school drama. I am 19 and you're 21. you my friend need to grow up. im seriously just not gonna worry about it. i love david. he has to be the most amazing person i have ever met in my life. so complex and wanted. hes adorable. i love his eyes, his smile, his touch, and the way he knows just how to make me smile on every single shitty day i have. he's amazing. ive never done anything with anyone that ive done with him. ive never loved anyone the way i love him. he makes me so comfortable in every situation and has made me love myself more for who i am and not for what the general public make me out to be. i dont have to be a skinny rail and have big boobs. i can be me and love him completly like i already do. its so hard to honestly put into words how awesome and amazing it all really is in reality. i have had to discipline myself though. to know i won't see him every weekend. i won't talk everynight. and i won't always be his number one priority of the day. but that, thats what make it all worth while. i promise you, anyone who can make it through a long distance relationship can make it through anything. i just love him. and i realize we're holding back on saying that. but, i feel it. i know it. and i am embraced by it. love is so weird though. it makes me you say more than you normally would, you actually listen to peoples problems instead of half-assing your way through a conversation, you learn to live and compromise, give up something to gain something else and to be a generaly better person... for the both of you. i want to be a better person for david. i want him to love me and not have to worry about me. i just know that without a doubt in my mind. god could not have sent me someone better. we both are so hard headed and stubborn. but we make it through everything by taking it one day at a time. no one else can hold me like he does... or kiss my forehead like he does.. tell me they love me... tell me im beautiful.. help me.. care about me.. no one can be david. and i dont want anyone to try to be. he's so uniquely beautiful.. it would be hard to match. i have nothing else to say. i love him. despite anyones opinions on our relationship, how much they say he treated me like shit, or how much better i can do. look. i treated him like shit, and he has done beter. she was beautiful. and i know.. sometimes.. i kinda feel like.. maybe i was just a second choice.. a backup.. but.. i realize now.. when he looked me in the eyes.. and apologized for all the shit.. he was for real. so was i. and nothing could stop it.
hows life? that question was represented so maliciously to me 2 times to night. fucking r-tards. i hate people who do shit on purpose to try and piss me off. its like oh im sorry. did me living my life somehow interupt your happiness. i freaking dont understand stephen. like seriously. we were nto in a serious relationship. we got drunk and fooled around. i didnt love you and i never could make myself. i was honestly only having fun. and i refuse to apologize for being happy. "so who's your boyfriend now?" said with such distane as if he knew me and shit i go through, and who ive dated and been serious. i told him i was back with my ex-boyfriend david. and told him i was sorry if it seemed like i ahd been blowing him off. just hadn't had time to talk. i be damned if i apologize for getting back with someone i love and would fight for. the only response. 'just like every other girl ive dated''. wrong answer asshole. i am a class A bitch to be 100% honest and i seriously don't do well with high school drama. I am 19 and you're 21. you my friend need to grow up. im seriously just not gonna worry about it. i love david. he has to be the most amazing person i have ever met in my life. so complex and wanted. hes adorable. i love his eyes, his smile, his touch, and the way he knows just how to make me smile on every single shitty day i have. he's amazing. ive never done anything with anyone that ive done with him. ive never loved anyone the way i love him. he makes me so comfortable in every situation and has made me love myself more for who i am and not for what the general public make me out to be. i dont have to be a skinny rail and have big boobs. i can be me and love him completly like i already do. its so hard to honestly put into words how awesome and amazing it all really is in reality. i have had to discipline myself though. to know i won't see him every weekend. i won't talk everynight. and i won't always be his number one priority of the day. but that, thats what make it all worth while. i promise you, anyone who can make it through a long distance relationship can make it through anything. i just love him. and i realize we're holding back on saying that. but, i feel it. i know it. and i am embraced by it. love is so weird though. it makes me you say more than you normally would, you actually listen to peoples problems instead of half-assing your way through a conversation, you learn to live and compromise, give up something to gain something else and to be a generaly better person... for the both of you. i want to be a better person for david. i want him to love me and not have to worry about me. i just know that without a doubt in my mind. god could not have sent me someone better. we both are so hard headed and stubborn. but we make it through everything by taking it one day at a time. no one else can hold me like he does... or kiss my forehead like he does.. tell me they love me... tell me im beautiful.. help me.. care about me.. no one can be david. and i dont want anyone to try to be. he's so uniquely beautiful.. it would be hard to match. i have nothing else to say. i love him. despite anyones opinions on our relationship, how much they say he treated me like shit, or how much better i can do. look. i treated him like shit, and he has done beter. she was beautiful. and i know.. sometimes.. i kinda feel like.. maybe i was just a second choice.. a backup.. but.. i realize now.. when he looked me in the eyes.. and apologized for all the shit.. he was for real. so was i. and nothing could stop it.