Siempre Hay Algo Más - Chapter 10
Title: Siempre Hay Algo Más
Rating: R
Pairing: Pepa/Silvia
A/N: I had to fight myself to stay away from the x-box and get this chapter hammered out. I hope y'all appreciate the great effort that took! I apologize if the end is a little rushed, but effing caca! I'm tired of working on it, and I'm ready for bed. :-P Once again, a special thanks to ms_moodified for her help (next up, I'll be writing manuals on Spanish Fire Regulations and the Educational System). ;-)
Chapter 10
Pepa looked at herself in the mirror again, turning this way and that to make sure that everything was in place. Her look was fairly basic - a navy v-neck shirt paired with worn jeans and flat, black boots. She wasn’t one to over think an outfit, and she figured casual was what the evening called for. She knew she looked good, but that did nothing to quash the damnable fluttering in her belly. It had been a long time since she felt this unstrung, this flustered, and she couldn’t help but recall that the last person to make her feel this way was the exact same person she was seeing tonight. The fluttering picked up in intensity.
The past few years around Silvia had been manageable, she realized, because of the prickly relationship they maintained. It had been easy to poke at the redhead, provoking either a disdainful reply or outright disregard. It had been easy to keep up the pretense of nonchalance, acting as if she was unbothered by the state of their interactions. Always ready with a glib comment or retort. Always responding to Silvia’s contempt with a shrug and a smile - no water off my back. Yet, recently she had been finding herself unable to keep up the charade, the effort too great when everything inside of her screamed at her to just accept what she had known all along. She had never really stopped loving Silvia.
Things between them had ended years ago, their paths split and they moved on in their lives, but Pepa knew she had never completely let go. Antagonizing the redhead was her way of avoiding that fact, and, however unconscious, it was also the only method she had to get Silvia to have anything to do with her. Like a kid who doesn’t know any other way to get the pretty girl’s attention other than to pull her hair or blow spitballs at her. It had been three years of acting like she was chasing Silvia around a playground, and she was tired of it…but she was still worried about taking this new step. Worried about how she would handle behaving like a mature adult. Worried about the implications of having to deal with their past. But, more than that, she was worried about how Silvia would react. Would the redhead accept her apology? Would she even want to listen to her explanation? Did she even have an explanation? Not one that Silvia would accept, she suspected, when she herself never had. And, finally, would Silvia’s ire be drawn if she ever gathered up the nerve to tell her she still loved her?
Visions of a furious redhead landing a stinging slap across her face before storming away played behind her eyes. The visions soon turned comical, though, as they took on a more soap-operatic quality. Okay, she was trying to commit herself to behaving like an adult, but that didn’t mean that she would ever stop finding a huffy Silvia anything short of adorable or amusing. Still, she hoped the night wouldn’t go in that direction - she’d settle for pleasant, even comfortable. Anything short of an interminable awkward silence or getting a drink thrown in her face would be a success really. The agent took a deep breath and blew out a puff of air, aiming upwards so that it ruffled the side-swept bangs laying across her forehead.
The knot of anxiety twisted tighter in the pit of her stomach as she checked her watch again. It was about time that she headed out if she didn’t want to be late, and something told her Silvia wouldn’t appreciate her being late. She glanced at herself one more time and decidedly strode out of the room, grabbing the bag she had thrown on the sofa earlier as she made her way to the front door.
_______
A loud groan emanated from the bedroom of a particular redheaded inspector. The woman in question was wearing only a towel, standing at the foot of her bed and staring at the piles of clothes she had amassed.
She had no idea what to wear.
She rubbed her face in frustration before scurrying back over to her closet. She scanned through the garments before pulling out a red, strapless sheath. Too much. Too much? Yes, it’s too much. She shoved the hanger back into place. Just about at her wit’s end, she closed her eyes and grabbed one hanger from the far end of the rack hoping that luck would come through for her. She pulled out a random hanger and slowly cracked open her eyes. A pleated, plaid mini-skirt, like something straight out of the 90s. Why the hell do I still have this in my closet? With an irrated growl, she flung the skirt across the room.
She worried the end of her fingernail as she considered calling Pepa to cancel. Was it too late to cancel? Why did she agree to this in the first place? She knew she shouldn’t be doing this…stressing over what to wear out with Pepa…or even going out with Pepa in the first place! She still wasn’t entirely sure why she agreed to this at all. Serious second thoughts raced through her mind. She was starting to panic, she wasn’t ready for this, she didn’t know if she could handle a night alone with the other woman. What had she been thinking??
And then the memory of earlier that day came back to her. Pepa standing in the doorway of her lab, looking uncharacteristically nervous. Then, Pepa grinning at her, and the feelings that evoked. Without her consent, a smile began to blossom across her own face. She couldn’t help but enjoy their non-contentious exchanges. When they both let their hackles down, it was so easy to remember the friendship they had had when they were kids. She could feel the tight grip she had kept on her anger starting to loosen, and as those barbed chains around her heart began to go slack, it became easier for her to recall all the good that had been between them. All the good times, all the laughs and smiles and new feelings. All the things she had pushed away to protect herself, holding on to the pain that not only affected her relationship with Pepa, but all her other relationships as well. She recalled the way the brunette had looked at her when she wanted to apologize - yeah, she may have been concussed, but there had been earnestness in her unfocused gaze. It was too difficult to hold onto her anger when the brunette seemed to want to make things right. With that thought, she got back to the task at hand.
The clothes on the bed beckoned her once again, so she went to give them another look. It shouldn’t be so hard to pick out an outfit, certainly nothing to have a panic attack over. She shook her head, red curls bouncing around her bare shoulders as she considered her propensity to blow things out of proportion, turning trivial things into momentous dilemmas. Now that she had calmed down a bit, she wasted little time in deciding on a pair of dark jeans and tunic top.
It wasn’t long before she had finished touching up her make-up - nothing extravagant, she just reapplied some lipstick and mascara - and realized it was time she should go. She slipped on her favorite pair of black boots, picked up her purse, and made her way out of the building.
She hurried out to the sidewalk and headed off in the direction of the bar where they had decided to meet. She passed a few people as she walked, though there weren’t many out on that Monday night. Stopped at a street corner waiting for the walk sign to turn, she peered across the street at the café she often frequented. The lights changed, and she began to cross, her eyes skimming across the handful of people sitting at the tables outside.
Unexpectedly, her eyes landed on a familiar head of hair. And she was certain she knew that blouse, too. She said she had to work. She stopped in her tracks as she reached the other side of the street and noticed that there was another woman sitting across the table. Unable to stop them if she tried, her eyes were drawn to the tabletop like magnets. The sight of two hands, fingers playfully entwined, hit her like a punch to the gut.
_______________
The brunette stretched out in her seat, checking her watch for…oh, easily the hundredth time that night. She stared at the five bottles sitting on the table. The waiter kept bringing her beers as she ordered them, but he didn’t seem to feel the need to take the empty ones away. So, there they stood as if to mock her, the peeled labels reminding her of her distress. She lifted the sixth bottle to her mouth, taking a long pull and draining the contents before slamming the bottle down next its brethren. Her eyes took in the empty seat across from her.
She pulled out her cellphone to check for any missed calls or messages. After thirty minutes had passed as she waited, she had texted Silvia to see if everything was okay and check if she was on her way. Almost two hours later, there was still no reply.
She didn’t want to admit it, but she’d been stood up. Silvia wasn’t going to show, and she couldn’t determine if she was angry or disappointed about it. Perhaps a little of both. Or, perhaps a lot of both. She threw her cell back into her bag, and took out her wallet. Not willing to wait for the waiter to get back from his smoke break, she left a few bills on the table, enough to surely cover the tab.
The night air had gotten chillier while she had been sitting indoors. She rubbed her bare arms and began her dejected walk back to her apartment, wondering the whole way how she could be so stupid as to think things would work out.
~*~*~*~
10 years earlier
The mass underneath the blanket shifted around uncomfortably as the shouting continued from the other bedroom. Pepa curled up into a tighter ball as she heard her father bellow. She tried to clench her eyes shut to ward off the tears, but that only caused pain and made the tears fall faster. She was sure to have a black eye tomorrow.
There was a loud crash in the room down the hall followed by more shouting. She dreamed of running away. Of just grabbing the few things she owned and taking off. It’d be the best for everyone if she just went away…
Her parent's door opened with a bang, and the girl heard her father stomp down the hallway. She held her breath, her heart racing as she waited for her own door to fly open and let in the impending storm, but she heard the heavy steps march past. She exhaled as the front door opened and slammed shut.
She could faintly hear her mother crying from her bedroom, and that hurt even more than her father’s hands ever could. It was her fault that she was crying, it was her fault that her father was always so upset, it was her fault they were going to divorce, as she heard them screaming earlier. Everything would be better if she just disappeared…
She suddenly leaped out of bed and started to gather some of her things, stuffing clothes, cds, a wallet into her backpack. A train. She could take a train away from there. It didn’t matter where she went as long as she got away, away from the constant yelling and fighting, away from her constant fuck-ups. She would just disappear, start over somewhere else and let her family move on with their lives, let her friends find new friends, let Silvia…let Silvia…
Who was she kidding? She could never leave Silvia behind, the one person who thought she was worth something. She dropped the backpack back down on the floor. Everybody else might’ve hated her, but the redhead didn’t, and she realized that was really all that mattered. Silvia had kissed her, held her face in her hands and kissed her…and there was no shock or disgust in her eyes afterwards. There was…there was exactly what she had been hoping to see for so many years. How could she think about running away after that?
She squared her shoulders resolutely and decided she needed to see the other girl. She waited until there was only silence coming from her mother’s bedroom, and then she stole out the front door.
________
Silvia laid in the middle of her bed staring at the ceiling. Her mind was running at a manic pace, unable to fixate on any one thing. Unwittingly, her thoughts kept jumping back and forth between the events of earlier that evening and the thorough scolding she had received afterwards. The memories ran in an unending loop through her head, forcing her to revisit the myriad of emotions of the day.
With a sigh, she turned to her side, laying on one of her hands while the fingers of the other absently traced her lips. She could hardly believe that she had kissed Pepa earlier, and yet, if her father’s enraged cursing was any indication, it had indeed happened. It had really happened…
A rattling noise came from across the room, and she sprang up in bed. The window started to rise, and she would’ve been frightened if the same thing hadn’t happened thousands of times by now. She was quick to pull off the covers and make her way to the window, helping to lift it all the way up.
With the window out of the way, the two girls stood and stared at each other, goofy grins appearing on their faces.
“Hola, pelirroja."
“You could’ve come in the front door, my dad’s working tonight.”
“Well, a little late for the front door, don’t you think?” The brunette had already gotten one leg over the windowsill and was bringing the other around. Silvia climbed back onto her bed, sitting on the far side and leaving room for the other girl beside her. When Pepa turned around to follow, the redhead finally got a look at her eye in the moonlight.
“Pepa! What happened to you?”
Before Silvia could come running out of bed to get a better look at her eye, Pepa quickly made it to the side of the bed and indicated for the redhead to stay where she was.
“It’s no big deal…”
“At least let me go get something to put on it.”
“No, Silvia, it’s okay. Just…stay here with me, please?” She got into bed beside the other girl, leaning against the headboard, a pillow behind her for cushion.
“Will you tell me what happened?”
“Maybe later.”
“Vale.” The redhead knew better than to push her friend if she wasn't ready to talk yet.
They both sat in silence for a few minutes, staring straight ahead until the redhead started softly giggling. The giggling got louder, turning into outright laughing, and the brunette turned to quizzically face the other girl.
“You should’ve seen him, Pepa. He was so mad, I swear I saw steam coming out of his ears. I can’t even remember half of the things he was yelling…but the best part is that he kept getting angrier and angrier, because I couldn’t stop laughing!” By now, Pepa had realized Silvia has talking about her father, and she had started laughing herself. “His face was so red, I thought his head was going to pop off, and I just couldn’t stop laughing!”
Both girls were laughing now, and Silvia collapsed against Pepa’s shoulder. “It’s all your fault, you know.”
“My fault?"
“For giving me that joint…”
“Ah, no, no, no, pelirroja. I didn’t give you anything, you took it. And you and I both know how pissed you would’ve been if I hadn’t let you.”
“I still say it’s your fault. You should’ve warned me,” Silvia said, pretending at moral superiority. “I had never done it before, and you should’ve told me it would make me laugh in my dad’s face,” she started to laugh again, “and make him almost have a heart attack.”
They were both laughing again, and Silvia wrapped her arms around Pepa’s trim waist. She slid down a bit so she could lay her head on the other girl’s chest, below her chin, and the brunette moved her arm to wrap around her back.
“I wish I could’ve recorded it for you.” The statement evoked a few more chuckles and then they settled back down again. They remained in that reclined position for a minute, just enjoying the other girl’s proximity before Silvia’s head shot back up.
“Are you really sure your eye’s okay? I think we have a bag of peas in the freezer…”
“It’s fiiine, pesada,” Pepa said with an exaggerated sigh.
Silvia responded with her own sigh, and let her head drop back down. “’Fine’, she says. We’ll see if she still says it’s fine when it’s swollen shut tomorrow.”
Pepa softly laughed, and lifted her free hand to the other girl’s head, kissing the top of her red hair before dropping her hand back to her side. A few more silent minutes ticked by, neither of them sure of how to broach the subject of their other major event that day. Pepa was just happy that Silvia wasn't angry with her, but just because she was talking to her didn't necessarily mean that she didn't regret their kiss. She was too afraid to say anything and risk hearing that Silvia was just stoned earlier and that she never wanted it to happen again. The redhead, on the other hand, was unsure of what to say precisely because she did it to happen again. Being this close to the other girl and remembering what it felt like to have her lips on her own started a small fire in her belly...she just didn't know how to make the first move. With every second that passed, the warmth steadily grew more intense, and her heartbeat started to quicken.
Before Silvia even know what she was doing, her hand had slid from the other girl's waist to rest on her belly. Her fingers snaked their way beneath the hem of Pepa's shirt, splaying across the warm skin underneath. She heard Pepa's breath hitch in her chest which served to embolden her curious fingers. As her fingertips and nails began to trace circles across the taut stomach under them, she felt the hand on her back work its way beneath her own shirt. Pepa's hand began to gently mimic Silvia's movements, drawing lazy patterns across the expanse of her back.
Pepa held her breath and shut her eyes. While she couldn't be exactly sure where the other girl was headed with this, she knew she liked it - very, very much - and she was more than willing to give Silvia the lead. But, when she felt the redhead tilt her head back so that her lips were just barely grazing the skin of her neck, she nearly lost her mind. It was all she could do to not flip the girl over and pounce on her. She tried to exhale slowly, but the breaths just came out in ragged jags, and she nearly swallowed her tongue when she felt soft lips press against her the pounding vein in her neck.
Using her elbow, Silvia propped herself up to look at Pepa. Any hesitancy or doubts flew away when she saw the look of amazed disbelief on the other girl's face, just as she had looked earlier that day at the Communion. Pepa was, well, incredibly cute when she looked at her that way, not with a cocky wink, not with a cheeky grin, but like a kid who can't believe she really got that bike she asked Santa for - pure shock and wonder.
With no more confusion to hold her back, Silvia stretched one of her legs across the lanky girl's body, moving herself to straddle the jean-clad thighs. Both her hands found their way to Pepa's shoulders where they worked to firmly pull the girl up. The brunette didn't need much encouragement as she quickly moved away from the wall and brought her torso closer to the redhead's on her lap. The girls were now sitting eye to eye and smiling. Slowly, Silvia traced the darkening bruise around the brunette's eye. Her lips soon followed her fingers' path, dropping light kisses around the other girl's eye.
Pepa's hands clenched at the redhead's hips as she felt those feather-light kisses begin to travel across her face. Down her cheek, across the bridge of her nose, down the other cheek, back to her ear, all the way down her jaw, her chin, until they finally landed on her lips. The kiss soon turned passionate, both girls losing themselves to the sensations.
In no time, hands had made their way underneath each other's tops, making quick work of removing them. Since Silvia had been dressed for bed, she had no bra on. Pepa immediately took advantage of that, her hands gliding up and down the other girl's back unencumbered as her mouth began to explore Silvia's smooth neck. While the brunette was thoroughly engaged, Silvia reached around to unclasp her bra. After a few fumbling movements, she felt Pepa pull away with a soft laugh and reach behind to give her a hand. The bra soon ended up on the floor with the growing pile of clothing.
"Does that get easier?"
"With practice, princesa."
"I bet you could take off a girl's bra with one hand tied behind your back."
"I can do it with my teeth, too," Pepa responded, waggling her eyebrows.
Silvia rolled her eyes. "Show-off," she replied before bringing her mouth in for another crushing kiss.
With tongues battling for dominance and hands roaming across bare skin, they soon divested each other of their last remaining clothing. They eventually found themselves lying back down, Pepa's longer body draped over the smaller girl's. Their hands grew bolder, marking out new territory to explore, and it wasn't long before lips and tongues followed. The time flew by as they experimented with each other's bodies, touching and tasting eagerly, while the silence in the room was only broken by wet, slick sounds and heavy breaths and moans.
Neither girl wanted the night to end, but more light began to stream in from the window as the morning sun started to rise. In a tangle of sweaty sheets, they laid side by side trading soft kisses.
"Te quiero," Silvia said as she ran her fingers through Pepa's slightly damp hair.
"Y yo a ti."
"Pepa..." the redhead began, a look of discomfort flitting across her face for the first time that night.
"Hmm? What is it? Is something wrong?"
"No, nothing's wrong...it's just, you know how I was waiting to see if I would get into any of the Faculties of Medicine here in Madrid?"
"Yeah..."
"Well, I didn't, Pepa...nobody refused their place, and you know I got accepted to the University of Barcelona." Pepa didn't like where this was going. "I have to leave to Barcelona in three weeks."
It was like Pepa had gotten all the air knocked out of her. "You...you can't leave. Three weeks?? You can't. You can't leave now."
"I have to, cariño," she said gently, hoping to soften the blow. "It'll be okay, I promise. We can visit all the time."
Pepa didn't know what to say, what to think or feel. She couldn't believe Silvia was dropping this on her now. The best thing that had ever happened to her, and now it was going away. Silvia was going away. She felt like she couldn't breath.
"I swear, it'll be okay. We'll be okay, Pepa," Silvia said with a smile, trying to make the other girl believe her. She had to believe her. They would be apart for a while, but that didn't mean things had to completely change. It would be okay. It had to be. Silvia wasn't going to let go of what she had just found. Just because they'd be living apart didn't mean they would love each other any less.
The brunette plastered on a smile she didn't feel. Silvia didn't notice that the smile didn't quite reach the other girl's eyes. She was just happy that Pepa had seemingly taken the news fairly well - she had been so afraid of how the impulsive girl might react. Silvia tucked her head beneath Pepa's, bringing her body to press against the other.
"I'll always love you. Nothing's going to change that."
The brunette wrapped her arms around the body next to hers, squeezing in a reassuring response. But things were not okay. Things were far from okay. She had been waiting all her life for Silvia only to find out that once she got her, she was going to leave her. She felt so incredibly stupid for thinking that anything in her life could ever go right. Nothing good ever lasted.
Rating: R
Pairing: Pepa/Silvia
A/N: I had to fight myself to stay away from the x-box and get this chapter hammered out. I hope y'all appreciate the great effort that took! I apologize if the end is a little rushed, but effing caca! I'm tired of working on it, and I'm ready for bed. :-P Once again, a special thanks to ms_moodified for her help (next up, I'll be writing manuals on Spanish Fire Regulations and the Educational System). ;-)
Chapter 10
Pepa looked at herself in the mirror again, turning this way and that to make sure that everything was in place. Her look was fairly basic - a navy v-neck shirt paired with worn jeans and flat, black boots. She wasn’t one to over think an outfit, and she figured casual was what the evening called for. She knew she looked good, but that did nothing to quash the damnable fluttering in her belly. It had been a long time since she felt this unstrung, this flustered, and she couldn’t help but recall that the last person to make her feel this way was the exact same person she was seeing tonight. The fluttering picked up in intensity.
The past few years around Silvia had been manageable, she realized, because of the prickly relationship they maintained. It had been easy to poke at the redhead, provoking either a disdainful reply or outright disregard. It had been easy to keep up the pretense of nonchalance, acting as if she was unbothered by the state of their interactions. Always ready with a glib comment or retort. Always responding to Silvia’s contempt with a shrug and a smile - no water off my back. Yet, recently she had been finding herself unable to keep up the charade, the effort too great when everything inside of her screamed at her to just accept what she had known all along. She had never really stopped loving Silvia.
Things between them had ended years ago, their paths split and they moved on in their lives, but Pepa knew she had never completely let go. Antagonizing the redhead was her way of avoiding that fact, and, however unconscious, it was also the only method she had to get Silvia to have anything to do with her. Like a kid who doesn’t know any other way to get the pretty girl’s attention other than to pull her hair or blow spitballs at her. It had been three years of acting like she was chasing Silvia around a playground, and she was tired of it…but she was still worried about taking this new step. Worried about how she would handle behaving like a mature adult. Worried about the implications of having to deal with their past. But, more than that, she was worried about how Silvia would react. Would the redhead accept her apology? Would she even want to listen to her explanation? Did she even have an explanation? Not one that Silvia would accept, she suspected, when she herself never had. And, finally, would Silvia’s ire be drawn if she ever gathered up the nerve to tell her she still loved her?
Visions of a furious redhead landing a stinging slap across her face before storming away played behind her eyes. The visions soon turned comical, though, as they took on a more soap-operatic quality. Okay, she was trying to commit herself to behaving like an adult, but that didn’t mean that she would ever stop finding a huffy Silvia anything short of adorable or amusing. Still, she hoped the night wouldn’t go in that direction - she’d settle for pleasant, even comfortable. Anything short of an interminable awkward silence or getting a drink thrown in her face would be a success really. The agent took a deep breath and blew out a puff of air, aiming upwards so that it ruffled the side-swept bangs laying across her forehead.
The knot of anxiety twisted tighter in the pit of her stomach as she checked her watch again. It was about time that she headed out if she didn’t want to be late, and something told her Silvia wouldn’t appreciate her being late. She glanced at herself one more time and decidedly strode out of the room, grabbing the bag she had thrown on the sofa earlier as she made her way to the front door.
_______
A loud groan emanated from the bedroom of a particular redheaded inspector. The woman in question was wearing only a towel, standing at the foot of her bed and staring at the piles of clothes she had amassed.
She had no idea what to wear.
She rubbed her face in frustration before scurrying back over to her closet. She scanned through the garments before pulling out a red, strapless sheath. Too much. Too much? Yes, it’s too much. She shoved the hanger back into place. Just about at her wit’s end, she closed her eyes and grabbed one hanger from the far end of the rack hoping that luck would come through for her. She pulled out a random hanger and slowly cracked open her eyes. A pleated, plaid mini-skirt, like something straight out of the 90s. Why the hell do I still have this in my closet? With an irrated growl, she flung the skirt across the room.
She worried the end of her fingernail as she considered calling Pepa to cancel. Was it too late to cancel? Why did she agree to this in the first place? She knew she shouldn’t be doing this…stressing over what to wear out with Pepa…or even going out with Pepa in the first place! She still wasn’t entirely sure why she agreed to this at all. Serious second thoughts raced through her mind. She was starting to panic, she wasn’t ready for this, she didn’t know if she could handle a night alone with the other woman. What had she been thinking??
And then the memory of earlier that day came back to her. Pepa standing in the doorway of her lab, looking uncharacteristically nervous. Then, Pepa grinning at her, and the feelings that evoked. Without her consent, a smile began to blossom across her own face. She couldn’t help but enjoy their non-contentious exchanges. When they both let their hackles down, it was so easy to remember the friendship they had had when they were kids. She could feel the tight grip she had kept on her anger starting to loosen, and as those barbed chains around her heart began to go slack, it became easier for her to recall all the good that had been between them. All the good times, all the laughs and smiles and new feelings. All the things she had pushed away to protect herself, holding on to the pain that not only affected her relationship with Pepa, but all her other relationships as well. She recalled the way the brunette had looked at her when she wanted to apologize - yeah, she may have been concussed, but there had been earnestness in her unfocused gaze. It was too difficult to hold onto her anger when the brunette seemed to want to make things right. With that thought, she got back to the task at hand.
The clothes on the bed beckoned her once again, so she went to give them another look. It shouldn’t be so hard to pick out an outfit, certainly nothing to have a panic attack over. She shook her head, red curls bouncing around her bare shoulders as she considered her propensity to blow things out of proportion, turning trivial things into momentous dilemmas. Now that she had calmed down a bit, she wasted little time in deciding on a pair of dark jeans and tunic top.
It wasn’t long before she had finished touching up her make-up - nothing extravagant, she just reapplied some lipstick and mascara - and realized it was time she should go. She slipped on her favorite pair of black boots, picked up her purse, and made her way out of the building.
She hurried out to the sidewalk and headed off in the direction of the bar where they had decided to meet. She passed a few people as she walked, though there weren’t many out on that Monday night. Stopped at a street corner waiting for the walk sign to turn, she peered across the street at the café she often frequented. The lights changed, and she began to cross, her eyes skimming across the handful of people sitting at the tables outside.
Unexpectedly, her eyes landed on a familiar head of hair. And she was certain she knew that blouse, too. She said she had to work. She stopped in her tracks as she reached the other side of the street and noticed that there was another woman sitting across the table. Unable to stop them if she tried, her eyes were drawn to the tabletop like magnets. The sight of two hands, fingers playfully entwined, hit her like a punch to the gut.
_______________
The brunette stretched out in her seat, checking her watch for…oh, easily the hundredth time that night. She stared at the five bottles sitting on the table. The waiter kept bringing her beers as she ordered them, but he didn’t seem to feel the need to take the empty ones away. So, there they stood as if to mock her, the peeled labels reminding her of her distress. She lifted the sixth bottle to her mouth, taking a long pull and draining the contents before slamming the bottle down next its brethren. Her eyes took in the empty seat across from her.
She pulled out her cellphone to check for any missed calls or messages. After thirty minutes had passed as she waited, she had texted Silvia to see if everything was okay and check if she was on her way. Almost two hours later, there was still no reply.
She didn’t want to admit it, but she’d been stood up. Silvia wasn’t going to show, and she couldn’t determine if she was angry or disappointed about it. Perhaps a little of both. Or, perhaps a lot of both. She threw her cell back into her bag, and took out her wallet. Not willing to wait for the waiter to get back from his smoke break, she left a few bills on the table, enough to surely cover the tab.
The night air had gotten chillier while she had been sitting indoors. She rubbed her bare arms and began her dejected walk back to her apartment, wondering the whole way how she could be so stupid as to think things would work out.
~*~*~*~
10 years earlier
The mass underneath the blanket shifted around uncomfortably as the shouting continued from the other bedroom. Pepa curled up into a tighter ball as she heard her father bellow. She tried to clench her eyes shut to ward off the tears, but that only caused pain and made the tears fall faster. She was sure to have a black eye tomorrow.
There was a loud crash in the room down the hall followed by more shouting. She dreamed of running away. Of just grabbing the few things she owned and taking off. It’d be the best for everyone if she just went away…
Her parent's door opened with a bang, and the girl heard her father stomp down the hallway. She held her breath, her heart racing as she waited for her own door to fly open and let in the impending storm, but she heard the heavy steps march past. She exhaled as the front door opened and slammed shut.
She could faintly hear her mother crying from her bedroom, and that hurt even more than her father’s hands ever could. It was her fault that she was crying, it was her fault that her father was always so upset, it was her fault they were going to divorce, as she heard them screaming earlier. Everything would be better if she just disappeared…
She suddenly leaped out of bed and started to gather some of her things, stuffing clothes, cds, a wallet into her backpack. A train. She could take a train away from there. It didn’t matter where she went as long as she got away, away from the constant yelling and fighting, away from her constant fuck-ups. She would just disappear, start over somewhere else and let her family move on with their lives, let her friends find new friends, let Silvia…let Silvia…
Who was she kidding? She could never leave Silvia behind, the one person who thought she was worth something. She dropped the backpack back down on the floor. Everybody else might’ve hated her, but the redhead didn’t, and she realized that was really all that mattered. Silvia had kissed her, held her face in her hands and kissed her…and there was no shock or disgust in her eyes afterwards. There was…there was exactly what she had been hoping to see for so many years. How could she think about running away after that?
She squared her shoulders resolutely and decided she needed to see the other girl. She waited until there was only silence coming from her mother’s bedroom, and then she stole out the front door.
________
Silvia laid in the middle of her bed staring at the ceiling. Her mind was running at a manic pace, unable to fixate on any one thing. Unwittingly, her thoughts kept jumping back and forth between the events of earlier that evening and the thorough scolding she had received afterwards. The memories ran in an unending loop through her head, forcing her to revisit the myriad of emotions of the day.
With a sigh, she turned to her side, laying on one of her hands while the fingers of the other absently traced her lips. She could hardly believe that she had kissed Pepa earlier, and yet, if her father’s enraged cursing was any indication, it had indeed happened. It had really happened…
A rattling noise came from across the room, and she sprang up in bed. The window started to rise, and she would’ve been frightened if the same thing hadn’t happened thousands of times by now. She was quick to pull off the covers and make her way to the window, helping to lift it all the way up.
With the window out of the way, the two girls stood and stared at each other, goofy grins appearing on their faces.
“Hola, pelirroja."
“You could’ve come in the front door, my dad’s working tonight.”
“Well, a little late for the front door, don’t you think?” The brunette had already gotten one leg over the windowsill and was bringing the other around. Silvia climbed back onto her bed, sitting on the far side and leaving room for the other girl beside her. When Pepa turned around to follow, the redhead finally got a look at her eye in the moonlight.
“Pepa! What happened to you?”
Before Silvia could come running out of bed to get a better look at her eye, Pepa quickly made it to the side of the bed and indicated for the redhead to stay where she was.
“It’s no big deal…”
“At least let me go get something to put on it.”
“No, Silvia, it’s okay. Just…stay here with me, please?” She got into bed beside the other girl, leaning against the headboard, a pillow behind her for cushion.
“Will you tell me what happened?”
“Maybe later.”
“Vale.” The redhead knew better than to push her friend if she wasn't ready to talk yet.
They both sat in silence for a few minutes, staring straight ahead until the redhead started softly giggling. The giggling got louder, turning into outright laughing, and the brunette turned to quizzically face the other girl.
“You should’ve seen him, Pepa. He was so mad, I swear I saw steam coming out of his ears. I can’t even remember half of the things he was yelling…but the best part is that he kept getting angrier and angrier, because I couldn’t stop laughing!” By now, Pepa had realized Silvia has talking about her father, and she had started laughing herself. “His face was so red, I thought his head was going to pop off, and I just couldn’t stop laughing!”
Both girls were laughing now, and Silvia collapsed against Pepa’s shoulder. “It’s all your fault, you know.”
“My fault?"
“For giving me that joint…”
“Ah, no, no, no, pelirroja. I didn’t give you anything, you took it. And you and I both know how pissed you would’ve been if I hadn’t let you.”
“I still say it’s your fault. You should’ve warned me,” Silvia said, pretending at moral superiority. “I had never done it before, and you should’ve told me it would make me laugh in my dad’s face,” she started to laugh again, “and make him almost have a heart attack.”
They were both laughing again, and Silvia wrapped her arms around Pepa’s trim waist. She slid down a bit so she could lay her head on the other girl’s chest, below her chin, and the brunette moved her arm to wrap around her back.
“I wish I could’ve recorded it for you.” The statement evoked a few more chuckles and then they settled back down again. They remained in that reclined position for a minute, just enjoying the other girl’s proximity before Silvia’s head shot back up.
“Are you really sure your eye’s okay? I think we have a bag of peas in the freezer…”
“It’s fiiine, pesada,” Pepa said with an exaggerated sigh.
Silvia responded with her own sigh, and let her head drop back down. “’Fine’, she says. We’ll see if she still says it’s fine when it’s swollen shut tomorrow.”
Pepa softly laughed, and lifted her free hand to the other girl’s head, kissing the top of her red hair before dropping her hand back to her side. A few more silent minutes ticked by, neither of them sure of how to broach the subject of their other major event that day. Pepa was just happy that Silvia wasn't angry with her, but just because she was talking to her didn't necessarily mean that she didn't regret their kiss. She was too afraid to say anything and risk hearing that Silvia was just stoned earlier and that she never wanted it to happen again. The redhead, on the other hand, was unsure of what to say precisely because she did it to happen again. Being this close to the other girl and remembering what it felt like to have her lips on her own started a small fire in her belly...she just didn't know how to make the first move. With every second that passed, the warmth steadily grew more intense, and her heartbeat started to quicken.
Before Silvia even know what she was doing, her hand had slid from the other girl's waist to rest on her belly. Her fingers snaked their way beneath the hem of Pepa's shirt, splaying across the warm skin underneath. She heard Pepa's breath hitch in her chest which served to embolden her curious fingers. As her fingertips and nails began to trace circles across the taut stomach under them, she felt the hand on her back work its way beneath her own shirt. Pepa's hand began to gently mimic Silvia's movements, drawing lazy patterns across the expanse of her back.
Pepa held her breath and shut her eyes. While she couldn't be exactly sure where the other girl was headed with this, she knew she liked it - very, very much - and she was more than willing to give Silvia the lead. But, when she felt the redhead tilt her head back so that her lips were just barely grazing the skin of her neck, she nearly lost her mind. It was all she could do to not flip the girl over and pounce on her. She tried to exhale slowly, but the breaths just came out in ragged jags, and she nearly swallowed her tongue when she felt soft lips press against her the pounding vein in her neck.
Using her elbow, Silvia propped herself up to look at Pepa. Any hesitancy or doubts flew away when she saw the look of amazed disbelief on the other girl's face, just as she had looked earlier that day at the Communion. Pepa was, well, incredibly cute when she looked at her that way, not with a cocky wink, not with a cheeky grin, but like a kid who can't believe she really got that bike she asked Santa for - pure shock and wonder.
With no more confusion to hold her back, Silvia stretched one of her legs across the lanky girl's body, moving herself to straddle the jean-clad thighs. Both her hands found their way to Pepa's shoulders where they worked to firmly pull the girl up. The brunette didn't need much encouragement as she quickly moved away from the wall and brought her torso closer to the redhead's on her lap. The girls were now sitting eye to eye and smiling. Slowly, Silvia traced the darkening bruise around the brunette's eye. Her lips soon followed her fingers' path, dropping light kisses around the other girl's eye.
Pepa's hands clenched at the redhead's hips as she felt those feather-light kisses begin to travel across her face. Down her cheek, across the bridge of her nose, down the other cheek, back to her ear, all the way down her jaw, her chin, until they finally landed on her lips. The kiss soon turned passionate, both girls losing themselves to the sensations.
In no time, hands had made their way underneath each other's tops, making quick work of removing them. Since Silvia had been dressed for bed, she had no bra on. Pepa immediately took advantage of that, her hands gliding up and down the other girl's back unencumbered as her mouth began to explore Silvia's smooth neck. While the brunette was thoroughly engaged, Silvia reached around to unclasp her bra. After a few fumbling movements, she felt Pepa pull away with a soft laugh and reach behind to give her a hand. The bra soon ended up on the floor with the growing pile of clothing.
"Does that get easier?"
"With practice, princesa."
"I bet you could take off a girl's bra with one hand tied behind your back."
"I can do it with my teeth, too," Pepa responded, waggling her eyebrows.
Silvia rolled her eyes. "Show-off," she replied before bringing her mouth in for another crushing kiss.
With tongues battling for dominance and hands roaming across bare skin, they soon divested each other of their last remaining clothing. They eventually found themselves lying back down, Pepa's longer body draped over the smaller girl's. Their hands grew bolder, marking out new territory to explore, and it wasn't long before lips and tongues followed. The time flew by as they experimented with each other's bodies, touching and tasting eagerly, while the silence in the room was only broken by wet, slick sounds and heavy breaths and moans.
Neither girl wanted the night to end, but more light began to stream in from the window as the morning sun started to rise. In a tangle of sweaty sheets, they laid side by side trading soft kisses.
"Te quiero," Silvia said as she ran her fingers through Pepa's slightly damp hair.
"Y yo a ti."
"Pepa..." the redhead began, a look of discomfort flitting across her face for the first time that night.
"Hmm? What is it? Is something wrong?"
"No, nothing's wrong...it's just, you know how I was waiting to see if I would get into any of the Faculties of Medicine here in Madrid?"
"Yeah..."
"Well, I didn't, Pepa...nobody refused their place, and you know I got accepted to the University of Barcelona." Pepa didn't like where this was going. "I have to leave to Barcelona in three weeks."
It was like Pepa had gotten all the air knocked out of her. "You...you can't leave. Three weeks?? You can't. You can't leave now."
"I have to, cariño," she said gently, hoping to soften the blow. "It'll be okay, I promise. We can visit all the time."
Pepa didn't know what to say, what to think or feel. She couldn't believe Silvia was dropping this on her now. The best thing that had ever happened to her, and now it was going away. Silvia was going away. She felt like she couldn't breath.
"I swear, it'll be okay. We'll be okay, Pepa," Silvia said with a smile, trying to make the other girl believe her. She had to believe her. They would be apart for a while, but that didn't mean things had to completely change. It would be okay. It had to be. Silvia wasn't going to let go of what she had just found. Just because they'd be living apart didn't mean they would love each other any less.
The brunette plastered on a smile she didn't feel. Silvia didn't notice that the smile didn't quite reach the other girl's eyes. She was just happy that Pepa had seemingly taken the news fairly well - she had been so afraid of how the impulsive girl might react. Silvia tucked her head beneath Pepa's, bringing her body to press against the other.
"I'll always love you. Nothing's going to change that."
The brunette wrapped her arms around the body next to hers, squeezing in a reassuring response. But things were not okay. Things were far from okay. She had been waiting all her life for Silvia only to find out that once she got her, she was going to leave her. She felt so incredibly stupid for thinking that anything in her life could ever go right. Nothing good ever lasted.