who would you rather be? [ fic ]
we've got the sun
cesc-centric | pg-13, 892 words, canon
why cesc didn't pass science. (never rely on hearsay.)
(he) lives in a daydream where i don't belong
multi-vitamins, warm glass of milk (sometimes two), one large sleeping pill (sometimes more and you wonder if you are getting increasingly immune), stamp down your pillow, keep the hall light on, tuck in your earbuds, turn the volume up, leave the door open. close your eyes.
dream.
they are always the same, these days. maybe it's just too many of those headlines in your mind, too many paparazzi crowding your house and quotes your friends claim to have never said - or maybe it's as simple as carlota's physics text you glanced at over her shoulder during dinner, but your ipod shorts out after a few hours and then everything is pass, go; opposite and equal reaction; every action, every reaction, go.
opposite and equal reaction means somewhere out there is cesc fabregas telling the sun times exactly how he feels. opposite and equal reaction means cesc fabregas is snapping at them all to leave his family alone. means cesc fabregas letting himself break the fingers of the reporter who asks his mother why he has no sense of loyalty to his home roots, and then not giving a damn. means cesc fabregas doesn't rehearse every answer in his head (english, spanish, catalan, english, english) five times before saying them, means sometimes saying i don't know or i don't care or i am not yet twenty-five. opposite and equal reaction means somewhere out there is cesc fabregas charging a flight to greece, greenland, georgia, or somewhere they don't care about football, somewhere they don't know about football (alaska? antarctica) on his credit card.
opposite and equal reaction means somewhere out there is cesc fabregas pulling his brand new kit over his head and smoothing it down his chest, blood-red like spain yet not spain, something entirely different than blood filling his veins and feeling present, english, his still-slight accent the absolute furthest thing in his mind. means somewhere out there is cesc fabregas saying he's fine and ready for the gunners, fine and ready, ready, ready for years and years and years without hesitation at the tip of his lips threatening to tumble forth like water (like vomit, like bile). somewhere is cesc fabregas screaming at bacary and theo and feeling them respond from yards away, the grass shifting underneath his feet and the resounding we've got cesc fabregas, we've got cesc fabregas billowing at his ears and feeling that entirely different thing pounding out of his chest and deep into the goal. (they've got cesc fabregas, they've got him - but do you?)
if right is leaving, i'd rather be wrong -
opposite and equal reaction means. somewhere out there is cesc fabregas waking up without the lingering noise of too-loud music in his ears, his hallway lights turned off and no empty stained glasses of milk crust at his bedside, and him breathing in another type of air that feels a little faster like home. somewhere out there is cesc fabregas ignoring a text from gerard asking him if he wants to carpool to the stadium. is cesc fabregas not having to worry about forgetting a word or not remembering how to say something right or that nicky might laugh at him if he stutters - until he forgets every little drop of his hello's and how are you's, is bartering lionel for the number ten shirt until he gives up, is letting xavi call him empanado however many times he wants and being included in all david's excuses of blaming everything they do wrong on being new and pushing away zlatan when he wants to go drinking (on a wednesday, jesus) and following carles' shouts instead of the ones in his head.
opposite and equal reaction means somewhere out there is cesc fabregas hearing that in science texts, deoxygenated blood is blue and oxygenated blood is red, and without both running through your system from your heart to your head to the very tips of your toes and fingers, one cannot live. opposite and equal reaction is cesc fabregas pulling both down past his shoulders, is giving in, is feeling it wash over him like he's home -
(he) is tomorrow and i am today -
(one of the laws of physics is a fifteen-year-old francesc fabregas i soler being none too spoiled and none too eager to remember something about camp nou other than what comes out of internet search engines and old faded pictures.)
opposite and equal reaction means somewhere out there is cesc fabregas learning that there is no such thing as blue blood.
wake up.
untangle the cords of your earphones from around your neck. wash out the dirty glasses. stow away your pills and vitamins for another day, make your bed, pay your electric bill.
why don't you just sleep sometime, robin says when you pick him up on the way to the stadium. you're too young to be an insomniac, man. you're psyching yourself out here.
you'll be all right. it's silly things, you say, just worn out from south africa.
it's a public training session today. (we've got cesc fabregas, we've got cesc fabregas.)
tomorrow will be as it always has been -
and then the sun sets and you're feeling like it's a three pill night.
dream.
(you would find me
each hour
the same)
notes: first football fic i guess eeeee. this is in no way meant to offend any arsenal fans who think differently about cesc's feelings about the whole cescgate situation - it's just my personal interpretation, though i think i read too much into it. oh well. thanks to envoler for being awesome in general and reading it over :). interspersed lyrics are © trading yesterday.
cesc-centric | pg-13, 892 words, canon
why cesc didn't pass science. (never rely on hearsay.)
(he) lives in a daydream where i don't belong
multi-vitamins, warm glass of milk (sometimes two), one large sleeping pill (sometimes more and you wonder if you are getting increasingly immune), stamp down your pillow, keep the hall light on, tuck in your earbuds, turn the volume up, leave the door open. close your eyes.
dream.
they are always the same, these days. maybe it's just too many of those headlines in your mind, too many paparazzi crowding your house and quotes your friends claim to have never said - or maybe it's as simple as carlota's physics text you glanced at over her shoulder during dinner, but your ipod shorts out after a few hours and then everything is pass, go; opposite and equal reaction; every action, every reaction, go.
opposite and equal reaction means somewhere out there is cesc fabregas telling the sun times exactly how he feels. opposite and equal reaction means cesc fabregas is snapping at them all to leave his family alone. means cesc fabregas letting himself break the fingers of the reporter who asks his mother why he has no sense of loyalty to his home roots, and then not giving a damn. means cesc fabregas doesn't rehearse every answer in his head (english, spanish, catalan, english, english) five times before saying them, means sometimes saying i don't know or i don't care or i am not yet twenty-five. opposite and equal reaction means somewhere out there is cesc fabregas charging a flight to greece, greenland, georgia, or somewhere they don't care about football, somewhere they don't know about football (alaska? antarctica) on his credit card.
opposite and equal reaction means somewhere out there is cesc fabregas pulling his brand new kit over his head and smoothing it down his chest, blood-red like spain yet not spain, something entirely different than blood filling his veins and feeling present, english, his still-slight accent the absolute furthest thing in his mind. means somewhere out there is cesc fabregas saying he's fine and ready for the gunners, fine and ready, ready, ready for years and years and years without hesitation at the tip of his lips threatening to tumble forth like water (like vomit, like bile). somewhere is cesc fabregas screaming at bacary and theo and feeling them respond from yards away, the grass shifting underneath his feet and the resounding we've got cesc fabregas, we've got cesc fabregas billowing at his ears and feeling that entirely different thing pounding out of his chest and deep into the goal. (they've got cesc fabregas, they've got him - but do you?)
if right is leaving, i'd rather be wrong -
opposite and equal reaction means. somewhere out there is cesc fabregas waking up without the lingering noise of too-loud music in his ears, his hallway lights turned off and no empty stained glasses of milk crust at his bedside, and him breathing in another type of air that feels a little faster like home. somewhere out there is cesc fabregas ignoring a text from gerard asking him if he wants to carpool to the stadium. is cesc fabregas not having to worry about forgetting a word or not remembering how to say something right or that nicky might laugh at him if he stutters - until he forgets every little drop of his hello's and how are you's, is bartering lionel for the number ten shirt until he gives up, is letting xavi call him empanado however many times he wants and being included in all david's excuses of blaming everything they do wrong on being new and pushing away zlatan when he wants to go drinking (on a wednesday, jesus) and following carles' shouts instead of the ones in his head.
opposite and equal reaction means somewhere out there is cesc fabregas hearing that in science texts, deoxygenated blood is blue and oxygenated blood is red, and without both running through your system from your heart to your head to the very tips of your toes and fingers, one cannot live. opposite and equal reaction is cesc fabregas pulling both down past his shoulders, is giving in, is feeling it wash over him like he's home -
(he) is tomorrow and i am today -
(one of the laws of physics is a fifteen-year-old francesc fabregas i soler being none too spoiled and none too eager to remember something about camp nou other than what comes out of internet search engines and old faded pictures.)
opposite and equal reaction means somewhere out there is cesc fabregas learning that there is no such thing as blue blood.
wake up.
untangle the cords of your earphones from around your neck. wash out the dirty glasses. stow away your pills and vitamins for another day, make your bed, pay your electric bill.
why don't you just sleep sometime, robin says when you pick him up on the way to the stadium. you're too young to be an insomniac, man. you're psyching yourself out here.
you'll be all right. it's silly things, you say, just worn out from south africa.
it's a public training session today. (we've got cesc fabregas, we've got cesc fabregas.)
tomorrow will be as it always has been -
and then the sun sets and you're feeling like it's a three pill night.
dream.
(you would find me
each hour
the same)
notes: first football fic i guess eeeee. this is in no way meant to offend any arsenal fans who think differently about cesc's feelings about the whole cescgate situation - it's just my personal interpretation, though i think i read too much into it. oh well. thanks to envoler for being awesome in general and reading it over :). interspersed lyrics are © trading yesterday.