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Marcos Bretón: Sometimes 'Why?' has no answer
By Marcos Bretón - Bee Columnist
Published 12:00 am PDT Sunday, August 12, 2007
Story appeared in METRO section, Page B1
The summer before college is profound under any circumstances, more so when idealistic teens build a coffin to bury a friend before leaving home to build their own lives.
It happened last week, the last gift some Fair Oaks kids could give Jarrad Cole -- basketball star, heartthrob, goofball, and guardian to them all before dying in an Aug. 4 motorcycle accident. He was 18 years old.
"I was there; I saw it happen," said 18-year-old Leif Sigerson, who graduated with Cole from the Sacramento Waldorf School and is days from leaving for UC Berkeley. "Jarrad accidentally popped a wheelie, lost control. ... I didn't think it was that serious. But when I saw his eyes, I knew something was wrong."
Cole, who died of internal injuries at Mercy San Juan Medical Center, had just bought a 2003 Suzuki RS. He was mourned intensely.
"I said: 'Our best friend, Jarrad Cole, just died,' " said Kenneth Harms Jr., who is 19 and headed for Fresno State. "Then we dropped to our knees and cried."
When the sun rose the morning after his death, Cole's friends bought three sheets of plywood. One asked Cole's father what he wanted the coffin to look like. "He said, 'I don't care as long as it's made with love,' " said Adrian Cushman, a 20-year-old friend and student at the California Maritime Academy, where Cole was headed this fall.
"It was just a simple shoe box design. No fancy angles. Everyone loved it. All his friends drew on it."
After a mortuary returned Cole's body, it was taken to the Folsom home of his godparents, Laura and Keith Poch.
He was then dressed in a suit and placed in the coffin his friends had made. He stayed there three nights and two days, with lots of company.
"I remember at night counting 17 lumps sleeping under blankets," said Cole's aunt, Colette O'Connor. "They stayed through the very end."
Cole's loved ones took turns holding his hand. They read to him, talked to him, sang to him, composed music for him, cried over him. They also showed their anger in front of him -- anger at the motorcycle he was riding and at a death too soon.
This was a strapping lad who evoked a younger, boyish Matt Dillon. He was wild enough to set fires in swimming pools and jump through the flames. He was tender enough to comfort the 6-year-old daughter of his godparents when school nap time made her nervous.
"If there was a bird injured in the neighborhood, he would nurse it back to health," O'Connor said.
"He was a little kid with a huge heart. He was going to embarrass you in public, jump up and hug you," said Cushman. "He didn't care what other people thought."
Said Harms: "He once said to me that he would rather die strong than live weak. I didn't think about it at the time, but now it hits harder than ever."
An estimated 500 people attended Cole's memorial at Waldorf on Wednesday. They came from far and wide, including basketball players from a Vacaville school who had competed against Cole -- a keen player cited several times in The Bee's sports pages last season.
There is no answer for the "why." The kids leaving for college can't answer it. Neither can the grown-ups, whose feelings are just as raw and conflicted.
"I feel sad, but blessed," O'Connor said.
Cushman added: "I was saying to people that I was happy to help make his coffin. But there is no way I ever want to make a casket for a friend and brother again."
though i didn't know jarrad, i am incredibly upset by this news. i've never met him, but i loved him. why? because he was loved by my friend chelsea, and by the people who first shaped the rest of my life at sacramento waldorf. these kids are such beautiful people, it is just so profoundly heartbreaking that this can and does happen. i am so sorry for everyone's loss. though not connected directly, i feel the pain as well. no one deserves to lose a friend, child, sibling, etc. but especially not these people. i'm just so glad that there seems to be an abundance of love surrounding those involved in this tragedy.
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By Marcos Bretón - Bee Columnist
Published 12:00 am PDT Sunday, August 12, 2007
Story appeared in METRO section, Page B1
The summer before college is profound under any circumstances, more so when idealistic teens build a coffin to bury a friend before leaving home to build their own lives.
It happened last week, the last gift some Fair Oaks kids could give Jarrad Cole -- basketball star, heartthrob, goofball, and guardian to them all before dying in an Aug. 4 motorcycle accident. He was 18 years old.
"I was there; I saw it happen," said 18-year-old Leif Sigerson, who graduated with Cole from the Sacramento Waldorf School and is days from leaving for UC Berkeley. "Jarrad accidentally popped a wheelie, lost control. ... I didn't think it was that serious. But when I saw his eyes, I knew something was wrong."
Cole, who died of internal injuries at Mercy San Juan Medical Center, had just bought a 2003 Suzuki RS. He was mourned intensely.
"I said: 'Our best friend, Jarrad Cole, just died,' " said Kenneth Harms Jr., who is 19 and headed for Fresno State. "Then we dropped to our knees and cried."
When the sun rose the morning after his death, Cole's friends bought three sheets of plywood. One asked Cole's father what he wanted the coffin to look like. "He said, 'I don't care as long as it's made with love,' " said Adrian Cushman, a 20-year-old friend and student at the California Maritime Academy, where Cole was headed this fall.
"It was just a simple shoe box design. No fancy angles. Everyone loved it. All his friends drew on it."
After a mortuary returned Cole's body, it was taken to the Folsom home of his godparents, Laura and Keith Poch.
He was then dressed in a suit and placed in the coffin his friends had made. He stayed there three nights and two days, with lots of company.
"I remember at night counting 17 lumps sleeping under blankets," said Cole's aunt, Colette O'Connor. "They stayed through the very end."
Cole's loved ones took turns holding his hand. They read to him, talked to him, sang to him, composed music for him, cried over him. They also showed their anger in front of him -- anger at the motorcycle he was riding and at a death too soon.
This was a strapping lad who evoked a younger, boyish Matt Dillon. He was wild enough to set fires in swimming pools and jump through the flames. He was tender enough to comfort the 6-year-old daughter of his godparents when school nap time made her nervous.
"If there was a bird injured in the neighborhood, he would nurse it back to health," O'Connor said.
"He was a little kid with a huge heart. He was going to embarrass you in public, jump up and hug you," said Cushman. "He didn't care what other people thought."
Said Harms: "He once said to me that he would rather die strong than live weak. I didn't think about it at the time, but now it hits harder than ever."
An estimated 500 people attended Cole's memorial at Waldorf on Wednesday. They came from far and wide, including basketball players from a Vacaville school who had competed against Cole -- a keen player cited several times in The Bee's sports pages last season.
There is no answer for the "why." The kids leaving for college can't answer it. Neither can the grown-ups, whose feelings are just as raw and conflicted.
"I feel sad, but blessed," O'Connor said.
Cushman added: "I was saying to people that I was happy to help make his coffin. But there is no way I ever want to make a casket for a friend and brother again."
though i didn't know jarrad, i am incredibly upset by this news. i've never met him, but i loved him. why? because he was loved by my friend chelsea, and by the people who first shaped the rest of my life at sacramento waldorf. these kids are such beautiful people, it is just so profoundly heartbreaking that this can and does happen. i am so sorry for everyone's loss. though not connected directly, i feel the pain as well. no one deserves to lose a friend, child, sibling, etc. but especially not these people. i'm just so glad that there seems to be an abundance of love surrounding those involved in this tragedy.