(no subject)
Don't you love it when you make a slightly irresponsbible choice and you don't regret it one bit? Like when you choose cake over carrots, or an evening with friends on a schoolnight, or Live Journal instead of required reading. Tonight I watched Sex and the City when I should have been studying for my Spanish AP exam. Am I pleased with my choice? Absofuckinglutely. I love that show, and it's got me thinking.
Lately I've felt sort of displaced and weird. Like, I keep thinking about change and the way we've all evolved (I really think that's the best word for it) these past few years. I'll be doing something simple when a memory flash pops into my head.
Ant-covered cupcakes with Mimi while I'm waiting for a diet coke....
MathCounts sleepovers at a red light....
Stealing candy canes and eating ice cream sundaes while walking through the halls....
Pink feather boas, Lake DeGray, and the Riverdale 10 movie theater during newspaper class....
Chinese food at Jay's on a walk with Max....
Scrabble at Sufficient Grounds at a commercial break....
Thoughts of Taboo on an errand for my mom....
Movies in Caroline's big bed while looking for my purse....
Accidentally driving to Sherwood in the line at Kroger....
The colossal colon and skits with the fcloset while working out....
When did we start drinking alcohol? When did kissing boys become not that big of a deal? When did we have to start realistically thinking about the future? When did I have that little talk to convince myself that someday I really do have to become a grownup and live like an individual? I don't know if I like this new world where the dead finger trick really does get old and where the most scandalous drama does not include Connor McDermott and Elizabeth Wakefield. I miss looking forward to sleepovers and slice-and-bake cookies on Friday nights. I want somebody to decorate my name really big and pretty on a sheet of notebook paper like we used to so I can hang it on my wall.
In tonight's episode of Sex and the City, Miranda criticizes Carrie for moving to Paris and quitting her column. She tells Carrie that she IS New York City and her column. She CAN'T quit. It'd be like losing her identity.
I sort of feel like that now. I AM Central High School and Little Rock, Arkansas. I AM the Tiger newspaper and Girls' Choir and yes even orchestra. I don't really know if I'm good at making new friends, because I've never had to. Moving on is crazy -- why give up everything that is tried and true and fits like a glove. Because we have to. That's why.
The other day my dad and I were at U.S. Pizza for dinner. We were sitting there and he said...man, there are just some days in your life you never forget. Graduating from high school -- now THAT is one of them. It's weird. You'll find out soon...it's realll weird.
It is weird. It's weird because it makes you have this glazed over self-evaluation and flash-back thing. It's like on series finales where they just play a montage of past scenes before a sentimental ending. That's what I'm doing right now in my head.
Dang, I'm getting teary-eyed. I need to change the subject.
Today something sort of lovely happened. It was before Girls' Choir and I was haning out in my car waiting for rehearsal to begin -- and I fell asleep. Fell right asleep, right there in the front seat with my foot hanging out the window under the ruthless, late afternoon Arkansas sun. It was nice because it was so just-what-I-wanted-to-be-doing-at-that-very-moment....ya know? And then I woke up to Amelia's smiling face above me. Now THERE is a face that I've been looking at for a long time. And there's a mind inside of that head that can teach you some gooood lessons. And today Mimi gave me a book by Emerson about friendship. She got it at Lorenzons, which makes it about 80,000 times better. I love little stuff like that. It makes me remember that everything is not only a-ok, but just fabulous. Not like I would forget -- but sometimes a little reminder is just what the doctor ordered.
Still, Bob Dylan had it right:
Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.
The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.
****************************************
We're all swimming. But dammit, we're doing it together. And we sure as hell aren't going to drown.
Now ya'll don't let me forget to write about the Ivory Billed Woodpecker in my next entry. Because, honestly, I effing love that bird, and (speaking of change) my mom thinks it's going to change my life.
Lately I've felt sort of displaced and weird. Like, I keep thinking about change and the way we've all evolved (I really think that's the best word for it) these past few years. I'll be doing something simple when a memory flash pops into my head.
Ant-covered cupcakes with Mimi while I'm waiting for a diet coke....
MathCounts sleepovers at a red light....
Stealing candy canes and eating ice cream sundaes while walking through the halls....
Pink feather boas, Lake DeGray, and the Riverdale 10 movie theater during newspaper class....
Chinese food at Jay's on a walk with Max....
Scrabble at Sufficient Grounds at a commercial break....
Thoughts of Taboo on an errand for my mom....
Movies in Caroline's big bed while looking for my purse....
Accidentally driving to Sherwood in the line at Kroger....
The colossal colon and skits with the fcloset while working out....
When did we start drinking alcohol? When did kissing boys become not that big of a deal? When did we have to start realistically thinking about the future? When did I have that little talk to convince myself that someday I really do have to become a grownup and live like an individual? I don't know if I like this new world where the dead finger trick really does get old and where the most scandalous drama does not include Connor McDermott and Elizabeth Wakefield. I miss looking forward to sleepovers and slice-and-bake cookies on Friday nights. I want somebody to decorate my name really big and pretty on a sheet of notebook paper like we used to so I can hang it on my wall.
In tonight's episode of Sex and the City, Miranda criticizes Carrie for moving to Paris and quitting her column. She tells Carrie that she IS New York City and her column. She CAN'T quit. It'd be like losing her identity.
I sort of feel like that now. I AM Central High School and Little Rock, Arkansas. I AM the Tiger newspaper and Girls' Choir and yes even orchestra. I don't really know if I'm good at making new friends, because I've never had to. Moving on is crazy -- why give up everything that is tried and true and fits like a glove. Because we have to. That's why.
The other day my dad and I were at U.S. Pizza for dinner. We were sitting there and he said...man, there are just some days in your life you never forget. Graduating from high school -- now THAT is one of them. It's weird. You'll find out soon...it's realll weird.
It is weird. It's weird because it makes you have this glazed over self-evaluation and flash-back thing. It's like on series finales where they just play a montage of past scenes before a sentimental ending. That's what I'm doing right now in my head.
Dang, I'm getting teary-eyed. I need to change the subject.
Today something sort of lovely happened. It was before Girls' Choir and I was haning out in my car waiting for rehearsal to begin -- and I fell asleep. Fell right asleep, right there in the front seat with my foot hanging out the window under the ruthless, late afternoon Arkansas sun. It was nice because it was so just-what-I-wanted-to-be-doing-at-that-very-moment....ya know? And then I woke up to Amelia's smiling face above me. Now THERE is a face that I've been looking at for a long time. And there's a mind inside of that head that can teach you some gooood lessons. And today Mimi gave me a book by Emerson about friendship. She got it at Lorenzons, which makes it about 80,000 times better. I love little stuff like that. It makes me remember that everything is not only a-ok, but just fabulous. Not like I would forget -- but sometimes a little reminder is just what the doctor ordered.
Still, Bob Dylan had it right:
Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.
The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.
****************************************
We're all swimming. But dammit, we're doing it together. And we sure as hell aren't going to drown.
Now ya'll don't let me forget to write about the Ivory Billed Woodpecker in my next entry. Because, honestly, I effing love that bird, and (speaking of change) my mom thinks it's going to change my life.