im in love with you in love with me

[lovely_lush]

so yea, this week has been quite a ride. I know now the reason i was so afraid to give it all up to God. I knew that when i did if i fell to me it would feel totally like... worse. Thats why im always scared. And i did stumble, no alky so much but the smoking is going to be so hard to stop. so hard like whoa. Also, i miss someone but im too afraid to let them know b/c it seems like they are completly happy now. I should be happy for them too, i mean i know i should but i just don't want to be. Why is it that the first one always means the most? i hope you're happy. i also hope you're completley lonely without me, cuz i know i am without you.
also Jesse is totally awesome, he's going to make some guy lucky one of these days seriously, he's so like sweet and i love him. that is all for tonight.
i got my lip redone tho