you are freakin out...man.
i loath the effect you have on me.
How my my hands slowly turn to fists and my teeth grind together everytime i hear your name or see your face.
I hate the path of destruction you left behind and the fact that you basically have been forgiven (because thats just what he was taught....to forgive. what the hell is that all about? He hates almost all the the freakin town of chadron.) just turns my stomach.
I can't stand the fact that i found pictures of you on a computer. Pictures of you in different "shards" of clothing or no clothes at all. Pictures of you doing things to yourself or to someone i care so deeply about. All i wanted to do was look for an article i had typed and instead unlocked this feeling of complete rage and disbelif.
I dispise how you have made me so angry and unconfortable that i can't even buy a bra that isn't cotton. I refuse to buy any sort of lingerie...it disgusts me to even think about it anymore.
I shudder when i think of even hinting to him that i know of the pictures. Why does he need those after all this?
Why does he need those, when he has me?
I hate that after you created this mess...belittled and ruined such a wonderful person...who still tried to remain civil after you said you wanted nothing to do with him and were cutting him out of you life forever (which i will never understand. You treat me like dirt. I treat you like you're dead.)...after your minion friends harass him unmercifully about you cheating on him, as well as threaten him...you slither back into his life like a manipulating snake with text messages, emails, birthday cards and packages for his dog. And he sets everything aside and lets you right in. You win and i lose.
Like its completely ok.
Don't you have other people to talk to? Or did you sleep with them all and now they want nothing to do with you?
But...do know what i dislike the most? The fact that this has happend 3 times now.
Three times i've caught him talking to her...three times i've begged him to stop. As a friend and girlfriend.
That i don't care who he talks to, that he's his own man....but not her, please gawd, not her.
...it kills me.
Three times he's told me he wants nothing to do with her and that he'll quit.
Yes, what i hate the most, after all this is myself. I feel like these tiny insecurities that everyone have are surging out of control and he has done the one thing that will curb them.
I'm tired of feeling like this. exhausted, obsessed, flat out crazy.
I love you...like i've never loved another human being before. No one else can make me feel the way you do. Its times like this though, that i just don't know how much more of i can't take. How can you completely ignore my feelings on this? I don't even like hearing your phone ring. I will not be this girl. This girl who throws all her self confidence out the window. I am too freakin good for this. Make up your mind.
How my my hands slowly turn to fists and my teeth grind together everytime i hear your name or see your face.
I hate the path of destruction you left behind and the fact that you basically have been forgiven (because thats just what he was taught....to forgive. what the hell is that all about? He hates almost all the the freakin town of chadron.) just turns my stomach.
I can't stand the fact that i found pictures of you on a computer. Pictures of you in different "shards" of clothing or no clothes at all. Pictures of you doing things to yourself or to someone i care so deeply about. All i wanted to do was look for an article i had typed and instead unlocked this feeling of complete rage and disbelif.
I dispise how you have made me so angry and unconfortable that i can't even buy a bra that isn't cotton. I refuse to buy any sort of lingerie...it disgusts me to even think about it anymore.
I shudder when i think of even hinting to him that i know of the pictures. Why does he need those after all this?
Why does he need those, when he has me?
I hate that after you created this mess...belittled and ruined such a wonderful person...who still tried to remain civil after you said you wanted nothing to do with him and were cutting him out of you life forever (which i will never understand. You treat me like dirt. I treat you like you're dead.)...after your minion friends harass him unmercifully about you cheating on him, as well as threaten him...you slither back into his life like a manipulating snake with text messages, emails, birthday cards and packages for his dog. And he sets everything aside and lets you right in. You win and i lose.
Like its completely ok.
Don't you have other people to talk to? Or did you sleep with them all and now they want nothing to do with you?
But...do know what i dislike the most? The fact that this has happend 3 times now.
Three times i've caught him talking to her...three times i've begged him to stop. As a friend and girlfriend.
That i don't care who he talks to, that he's his own man....but not her, please gawd, not her.
...it kills me.
Three times he's told me he wants nothing to do with her and that he'll quit.
Yes, what i hate the most, after all this is myself. I feel like these tiny insecurities that everyone have are surging out of control and he has done the one thing that will curb them.
I'm tired of feeling like this. exhausted, obsessed, flat out crazy.
I love you...like i've never loved another human being before. No one else can make me feel the way you do. Its times like this though, that i just don't know how much more of i can't take. How can you completely ignore my feelings on this? I don't even like hearing your phone ring. I will not be this girl. This girl who throws all her self confidence out the window. I am too freakin good for this. Make up your mind.