(no subject)
There is a world to be made. A whole life.
I think of the things I want, and until that day comes, I want to be happy. I do. I want to do things that make me happy and fulfilled.
Making things, creating.
Even the little things. The little things that may make no one as happy as they make me: bare feet on the sidewalk, talking with my dad until bedtime, the smell of a new magazine with all its fragrance ads. Looking at really old pictures of my family, sitting in the sunshine, soul food. And super girly movies that make me bawl every time I see them.
Those sorts of things make me happy. Really, truly, deep down happy.
And another thing. Every girl should be so lucky to have a dad like mine. Someone that thinks the world of you. Someone that thinks there isn't any girl that's ever been so beautiful, or smart, or so pulled together. He always knows just what to say. He makes me feel so loved. He always just beams with pride no matter what. I love him so much. I can't wait for him to walk me down the aisle. I can't wait to give him grandbabies. He's going to be such a wonderful grandpa and I can't wait to watch him with my little ones. He's so huge, so the idea of him holding this tiny being, let alone my own tiny being, is so beautiful to me. He and my stepmom are going to be so wonderful as grandparents. I hope things work out as they do in my dreams and I can have my babies at home. In our own home. A home to grow old in. I can imagine having my stepmom there and my Sarah and Traci there supporting me through that time. The women. No men, with the exception of my one and only. Something about having my women around me at that time is so moving. I imagine my dad, worried, probably sitting on the porch outside smoking away during that time. It's something I've wanted forever, and it would all mean so much to me to bring my little bits into the world that way. My family there bringing in the newest of our brood. I know I'm still quite young, but I do hope it isn't that far away. I don't want to be too old and unable to have them at home.
All these girl thoughts have been flowing through my mind. Marriage and babies and love and all that nonsense. Still, though, I have yet to have my wedding day planned out down to the last flower like most girls. I know a couple little things. A few songs I want played and my wedding dress, of course. But all the other stuff, I just can't think of it. I want gardenias, but that's as far as I get for the most part. Not that I don't have TONS of time to figure that all out. All I know is I want it to be the most beautiful, passionate ceremony ever. And I want everyone to come and have the best time at the reception. Just a big, happy party. I can imagine it being my own wedding and still telling everyone to eat up and have thirds of the cake. All I can imagine is lots of food and drink and dancing and a photobooth or two for everyone to enjoy. I want it to be a big rambunctious affair.
Well, time for Mexicasa with a boy. It makes me feel like such a lady being spoiled occasionally with dinner and such. I am happy. I am. I shouldn't ever think otherwise and should allow myself to just be so.
I think of the things I want, and until that day comes, I want to be happy. I do. I want to do things that make me happy and fulfilled.
Making things, creating.
Even the little things. The little things that may make no one as happy as they make me: bare feet on the sidewalk, talking with my dad until bedtime, the smell of a new magazine with all its fragrance ads. Looking at really old pictures of my family, sitting in the sunshine, soul food. And super girly movies that make me bawl every time I see them.
Those sorts of things make me happy. Really, truly, deep down happy.
And another thing. Every girl should be so lucky to have a dad like mine. Someone that thinks the world of you. Someone that thinks there isn't any girl that's ever been so beautiful, or smart, or so pulled together. He always knows just what to say. He makes me feel so loved. He always just beams with pride no matter what. I love him so much. I can't wait for him to walk me down the aisle. I can't wait to give him grandbabies. He's going to be such a wonderful grandpa and I can't wait to watch him with my little ones. He's so huge, so the idea of him holding this tiny being, let alone my own tiny being, is so beautiful to me. He and my stepmom are going to be so wonderful as grandparents. I hope things work out as they do in my dreams and I can have my babies at home. In our own home. A home to grow old in. I can imagine having my stepmom there and my Sarah and Traci there supporting me through that time. The women. No men, with the exception of my one and only. Something about having my women around me at that time is so moving. I imagine my dad, worried, probably sitting on the porch outside smoking away during that time. It's something I've wanted forever, and it would all mean so much to me to bring my little bits into the world that way. My family there bringing in the newest of our brood. I know I'm still quite young, but I do hope it isn't that far away. I don't want to be too old and unable to have them at home.
All these girl thoughts have been flowing through my mind. Marriage and babies and love and all that nonsense. Still, though, I have yet to have my wedding day planned out down to the last flower like most girls. I know a couple little things. A few songs I want played and my wedding dress, of course. But all the other stuff, I just can't think of it. I want gardenias, but that's as far as I get for the most part. Not that I don't have TONS of time to figure that all out. All I know is I want it to be the most beautiful, passionate ceremony ever. And I want everyone to come and have the best time at the reception. Just a big, happy party. I can imagine it being my own wedding and still telling everyone to eat up and have thirds of the cake. All I can imagine is lots of food and drink and dancing and a photobooth or two for everyone to enjoy. I want it to be a big rambunctious affair.
Well, time for Mexicasa with a boy. It makes me feel like such a lady being spoiled occasionally with dinner and such. I am happy. I am. I shouldn't ever think otherwise and should allow myself to just be so.