fandom_muses :: February :: Broken
The broken locks were a warning; you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded; I'm an open book instead
Broken - Lifehouse
She tries to be guarded, but she always gives herself away - a look, a smile, or sometimes even an admission to unravel the whole thing. She’s never had much of a poker face, no matter how long she practices in front of the mirror. But she’s trying so hard this time - though, grades were never given for effort, only for precision, and this is a matter where it’s too gray to be precise.
Sometimes she wishes she had the sort of relationship with her brother where she could call him, talk about her day, and have him figure it all out for her. But they aren’t like that. She’s just Allison to him - silly Allison who ran away to medical school, silly Allison who forgot the way the back home. But her brother likes games of strategy, and she sometimes tries to will herself to show him her cards. He won’t understand though. He never has, he never will - he’s her brother, not her friend.
She has a friend though, and he knows everything - he’s seen all of her pieces scattered across the board, including the ones she has hidden up her sleeve. But just because he sees it all, understands it all, doesn’t mean he can provide a solution. Comfort, though, he provides quite nicely - comfort, company, and the keeping of secrets, much better than she could if they were hers alone. No one knows the truth about them - no one who matters to her, anyway. But, she doesn’t feel they’re living a lie - it’s not quite that. She loves him. He loves her. She’s not the one for him, and he’s never been the one for her - she knew that when she came up with this plan, but he likes to steer off-course until he finds the answers for himself. She doesn’t mind, so long as House doesn’t know until she’s ready. She’s still got answers to figure out on her own before she can stand the scrutiny.
Seeing the game from a distance gave her time to pause, to think, to re-evaluate. But now, she finds herself in the middle of games again, and the feeling is uncertain. She plays to win - she’s won twice now, three times if she counts the three weeks she was completely undetected. She doesn’t count that, typically, because she was hiding, not playing hide-and-seek. For now, she’s one step ahead - a cautiously optimistic step, but a step nonetheless. She’s holding onto that precious step, trying so hard not to let her guard fall this time, not until she’s ready.
I tried my best to be guarded; I'm an open book instead
Broken - Lifehouse
She tries to be guarded, but she always gives herself away - a look, a smile, or sometimes even an admission to unravel the whole thing. She’s never had much of a poker face, no matter how long she practices in front of the mirror. But she’s trying so hard this time - though, grades were never given for effort, only for precision, and this is a matter where it’s too gray to be precise.
Sometimes she wishes she had the sort of relationship with her brother where she could call him, talk about her day, and have him figure it all out for her. But they aren’t like that. She’s just Allison to him - silly Allison who ran away to medical school, silly Allison who forgot the way the back home. But her brother likes games of strategy, and she sometimes tries to will herself to show him her cards. He won’t understand though. He never has, he never will - he’s her brother, not her friend.
She has a friend though, and he knows everything - he’s seen all of her pieces scattered across the board, including the ones she has hidden up her sleeve. But just because he sees it all, understands it all, doesn’t mean he can provide a solution. Comfort, though, he provides quite nicely - comfort, company, and the keeping of secrets, much better than she could if they were hers alone. No one knows the truth about them - no one who matters to her, anyway. But, she doesn’t feel they’re living a lie - it’s not quite that. She loves him. He loves her. She’s not the one for him, and he’s never been the one for her - she knew that when she came up with this plan, but he likes to steer off-course until he finds the answers for himself. She doesn’t mind, so long as House doesn’t know until she’s ready. She’s still got answers to figure out on her own before she can stand the scrutiny.
Seeing the game from a distance gave her time to pause, to think, to re-evaluate. But now, she finds herself in the middle of games again, and the feeling is uncertain. She plays to win - she’s won twice now, three times if she counts the three weeks she was completely undetected. She doesn’t count that, typically, because she was hiding, not playing hide-and-seek. For now, she’s one step ahead - a cautiously optimistic step, but a step nonetheless. She’s holding onto that precious step, trying so hard not to let her guard fall this time, not until she’s ready.